The girlz all agree that Heidi did not even think about what Holly would do, and Holls says she is absolutely furious. Oddly, this emotion all seems fresh and spontaneous. Wasn't she kicked out three or so episodes ago? Where has she been staying all this time? And WHAT HAPPENED TO HER HUSBAND?
Our little girls are all grown up. They've moved from Ben & Jerry's to a real painkiller.
After some terribly whiny, pop-punk rock ballad, we end up at the Aryan Compound, where the happy couple continue to prepare for a long life of mutual passive hatred by quietly chipping away at each other's ego. Stephanie stops by (what a surprise! I wonder why she came over) and all three have an unusually glossy pallor tonight, and are oddly lit. Methinks someone needs to turn down the fluorescents in this hizzy. Heidi sighs defeatedly as the Pratts debate the ethnicity of rice.
Stephanie asks about Holly. "She won't even call me," gripes Heidi (you know, I'm running out of synonyms for whine). "She didn't even tell you she's staying with Lauren?" Stephanie asks, oh so subtly, and lets the moment hover. Oh I tell you, reader, the tension in that room - I could cut it with a knife. Through my television. And cable box. And space and time. That's how thick it is.
Does Spencer look familiar to anyone else? Like, say...
Vigo the Carpathian from "Ghostbusters II?"
"Who'd you hear that from?" Heidi asks. "LAUREN." What are you gonna do now? Straight from the horse's mouth! Heidi wonders why LC would want Holly to stay with her. Maybe because she's not a cuntface who's dickwhipped beyond repair? "Because Holly's HOMELESS! Who's gonna say no to a homeless person?" Stephanie asks rhetorically.
Definitely not this chick.
Spencer automatically attributes this decision to Heidi's "stalker mom" Debbie, who I'm sure is probably giggling maniacally into her peppermint tea in Colorado right now. "Don't call her that!" Heidi whines as she struggles to grow herself a backbone. "She's worse than Stephanie," Spencer shoots back, and Steph, literally in the middle, reclines into the couch and nods in agreement. "LC gets her karma by having the mooch of the century crashing at her pad," Spencer says. Yes, it must be ever so awful to have a friendly, sane blondie who LIKES to cook and clean move in with you. LC really got it this time!
"Oops, did I lose my neck again?"
Heidi accuses Spencer of not caring. He shakes his head, possibly enforcing this concept. Heidi looks like she might cry if she still had tear ducts. She calls him insensitive, rude, and an ass. What the hell?!
Praise Jesus! She's finally resembling a vertebrate!
She says maybe HE's the problem (duhhhhh), Stephanie looks scared, and Spencer purses his lips as though she's gonna get a beatin' as soon as them thar cameras hit the road.
"Looks like my work here is done."
Out at dinner, Blahdrina and Pigpen are a black leather nightmare, as per usual.
"... and maybe later we can reenact that Evanescence video."
It looks like dinner at the Batcave. With a WAY less hot Bruce Wayne. Pigpen instructs Blah to eat her vegetables, whereupon Blahdrina, who broke out her extra-special Urban Decay sparkly eyeshadow tonight, remarks that she's never dated someone her own age. She theorizes this is because she's overly mature, while I theorize that this is because she has some serious Daddy issues that won't be solved by pretending her Gothic French fry is a penis.
"Please. They're freedom fries."
Pigpen solemnly says that he believes maturity is one of the most key issues to any relationship. JIGGA. PUH-LEEZE.
Anyone wearing a hoodie beneath a Fedora will automatically have his maturity revoked.
Piggy pretends to "find" a gift underneath the table for Blah and hands it to her with far too much satisfaction for a guy who just bought his girlfriend a t-shirt (which he promptly commands her to only wear without a bra). "Thank Kyewwww" she smiles. "At least you know you're loved," he says, and I count down the remaining 110 seconds left of this episode. "It's all about growin' up," he continues. Yeah, well, there are a lot of things "it's" all about, Bob the Bum.
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Comments (8)
O.Snapp, you have done it again! The re-cap was the best part of this weeks episode.
Why were Heidi and Spencer so mad about Holli moving in with LC??? They kicked her out, why should they care who she lives with.
And everytime I look at Heidi's face, I want to go grocery shopping. Of course I want plastic instead of paper! duh!!
I do hope that Whitney finds her comb and flat iron before its to late.
And last, but not least....What kind of present is a white tee from the GAP??
1 of 8 | Posted by FatGirlsRule | Posted on November 19, 2008 6:34 AM
how long is this show going to go on? it has no substance and nothing interesting happens on it at all. oh what most of america enjoys shows that fit that description.
all the people on this show are vapid, ignorant, mean and about as interesting as tan paint, drying. that pretty much fits the description of anyone under the age of 25.
i no longer can watch the show, but i still get a kick out of the snarky recaps. so o-snapp you are none of the above, thanks for bringing a little happy to my day.
2 of 8 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on November 19, 2008 9:04 AM
I'm not buying it either. Someone get counseling for this lady stat!Audrina nooooooooooooo are you crazy?
The recap was very entertaining very much unlike the show; horrible editing, vioce overs, silence.
Your exactly right, Men show themselves right away and women can take it or leave it. Women, be choosey! Dear Lord Amen
3 of 8 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on November 19, 2008 9:55 AM
O.Snapp...you rock! I laughed out loud at this recap. My fiance watched this show for the first time with me this past episode and he made two astute observations...1) He said "Why does that guy (Justin Bobby) dress like a homeless person?" and 2) How much of this is actual show and how much is commercials with those two annoying people (the aftershow)? Both of which are unfortunately true seeing as how JB does dress like a bum and the "show" is about 12 minutes long with 22 minutes of commercials. Needless, to say he wasn't a huge fan. My favorite part of the night was when there was a knock on the Speidi's door and Heidi-ho looked up like "I wonder who is here, I don't have any friends so...?"
4 of 8 | Posted by Yanksfan24 | Posted on November 19, 2008 12:15 PM
The fact that you were able to work Vigo the Carpathian into a Hills recap makes you my television recap GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 of 8 | Posted by heathie66 | Posted on November 19, 2008 1:44 PM
Heidi got her job back. I wonder if she spit or swallowed.....hmmmmmm.
6 of 8 | Posted by fatgirlsrule | Posted on November 19, 2008 6:26 PM
I enjoyed the recap. Thanks.
I agree with Reckless that nothing interesting is happening on "The Hills". Lauren has let her show be taken over by Heidi and Spencer and their fake relationship and Audrina and Justin Bobby and their fake relationship. It's kind of sad becaue Lauren and Lo are likable enough but I guess they are kind of bland and the show's producers want drama and gossip first and foremost. I have tired of Heidi and Spencer and Audrina and Justin Bobby and their famewhore ways which has worked out perfectly for them. This show needs some new blood and scriptwriting.
7 of 8 | Posted by Skylar | Posted on November 23, 2008 9:00 AM
Heidi got her fake job back? I am so over this show!
8 of 8 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on November 25, 2008 6:46 AM