Yeay LagunaConsultant! Thanks for stepping up!! Phew :)

For a 1st time recap, not too bad, not too bad. Maybe I miss B-Side too much (yes I do, so much it hurts)!

I am really glad for Heidi and all of the other future girlfriend's of Spencer, that the Hills is filmed. I don't think right now she is ready to watch it and really see how she is being manipulated. It is really sickening. But maybe one of these days you'll catch a repeat (only if you are extremely lucky. You know how MTV *NEVER* repeats their episodes, right?)and see just what a manipulating,lying douche Spenser really is.

Lauren + Audrina bff!!!

Great recap -- loved the root canal by Spencer Pratt Sr, DDS!!

I think Lo's appearance was a good addition to the show, but I hate to say that the look of her walking away with Lauren at the end of the episode was painful... she's really chubby, and it's not that I'm hating on her for gaining weight, she just looks too disproportionately thick in her legs to be wearing a short skirt. It reminds me of that "most unflattering shot" of her on LB walking down the stairs in that pink shirt.

Also I loved how after talking about how great her friends are and how much fun she had on NYE, Lauren added to Whitney, "Oh, I guess it could have been better if you were there... Zing! I think Whitney needs her own show, instead of being "tired of being someone's intern" she's probably "tired of being planted at convenient times to ask Lauren questions about her life")

Since you asked, Laguana Consultant, NO, Spencer's crap does NOT work on girls in real life. At least not on girls with a brain. He is the poster boy for the controlling, abusive boyfriend. You can read more of my thoughts here .
PS - great recap!

I agree KermitGirl! Whitney does need her own show - I thought Whit might mention where she was for new years...but then that whole convo turned awkward...Makes me wonder what Whit is really like..because I totally wasn't expecting her to be softball player! :)

loved elodie's eyeroll during heidi's debriefing. oh my sweet elodie with the keebler elf ears, the camera's always recording, bitch.

just kidding sweetie. you're still my future ex-girlfriend.

Congrats, Laguna!!! You pulled one over on us. I could feel a lot of readers' pain when you said you wouldn't be recapping The Hills. I guess it's more exciting if you don't let the Ashes out of the bag though.

Well done on the first recap. Since in my heart B-Side and J Unit will forever be my Major Awesome and Sergeant Extreme, you could quickly become something like Colonel Badass. Congrats again.

Derek's face as the two girls kissed is priceless. I'm sure its much like your face was, Consultant!

I got some chuckles out of this recap; works for me!One of my favs came at the end..last screen shots of LC and LO "Don't worry Lauren. Cocker Spaniel!" I can hear the entire fake convo in my head. I love it. Good faces made as well. I'm thinking of making that my go to line.

I LOVED how Elodie massively rolled her eyes upon hearing Spencer's "love" comments to Heidi. hahhahaha For a brief moment I was excited, cause it seemed Heidi was at least telling His Doucheness that he's not being nice, etc--at the last dinner--but she didn't drive the point home and he fo sho didn't get it.

Consultant, if I were you, I'd tell the truth and stay w/ the .500. Its solid and I'm thinking ultimately more rewarding.

YAY LO!!!! Doesn't seem as tho she's changed much, and I'm very very happy about that. Like a breath of fresh, real air; as opposed to fake, vapid, fame-whore air. It tends to make you gag. I noticed she gained some weight as well, but she was always so teeny on LB, now she looks like a woman, which she is, so it works out. Maybe she can be an actual role model for youngins instead of stick insects that puke up saltines.

Awesome first recap, Laguna Consultant. - I laughed out loud several times - VERY IMPRESSIVE!

Keep em coming!

oh and props on the speediness as well Consultant. That makes me a happy tiger.

Hooray for the return of LO!! A proper sidekick for Lauren if there ever was one. She even knows to properly snicker and eye-roll upon seeieng Spencer for the first time! Welcome back, LO! I loved her little "Awwwwwkwaaaaarrrrrrd!!" bit at the end of sushi with the Speidi-living-stiuation reveal. Damn Jen Jenner for trying to destroy such a wonderful friendship between the Laurens!!!

Oh, and wonderful job for Elodie and her eye-rolling of Spencer, too. It was too funny, and provided the proper reaction that the rest of America was having towards Heidi's gush-fest over Spencer.

Awesome recap LagunaConsultant! Can't wait to see more of your recaps in the future.

LagunaConsultant!

Very impressive LagunaConsultant or should I say Lasultant...I also laughed out loud several times.

I'm not sure who loves Lauren more, me or you, but I also became enraged 1)when Lauren & that pubic haired freak starting kissing at midnight & 2)when Spencey referred to "taking care of business tonight"...I almost fired my cocktail through my tv.

And yes, Lo looked like she gained 50lbs or so, she used to be rail thin and cute, but not so much anymore.

And where the hell was Brody on new year's? His supposed love interest was there and so was Lauren! Zing!

I know it's probably wicked scary to fill the shoes of B-Side, but your recap had me laughing out loud many times. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

Okay i was a bit pissy about B-Side leaving, I was ready to write TVgasm off for good. You have changed my mind. Great Recap and what is this.... "If I ever tried to pull this stunt
in a bar in Boston, not only would I be tackled immediately, but I would probably be serving jail time right now."

Besides that statement being totally true... could you be from Boston? A Local?

please do anything you have to do to return Bside to this recap! the hills is useless without a quality writer recapping it, and this kind of shmuck so-called "recap" lets so much go to waste. TVGASM at least hire someone to do this who knows grammar! a writer who can't even take care of the basics can never do what the great B-side did- justice to the hills!

uck, this site is dead for me now, and i only just discovered it in the last month. i hope my smart-ass comments didn't show up B-side so badly that he got canned for failing to be as brilliant as me...that and mrs conrad's whining about her own stupidity could've put the fork in our B-side that has now stuck us with this lame drek.

please go recap the nightly news with katie couric, laguna consultant. i'm sure you'd make hilarious observations about how she's on at 6:30 p.m. i am terrified of what's to come with real world, and the bad girls club is another goldmine that tvgasm is spoiling...

I just posted and got an error message..grr...but...well done Laguna Consultant, and I was not expecting a recap of this episode so thanks for the pleasant surprise.

As for the episode:
I absolutely hate that Spencer addresses Heidi by name in sentences where he shouldn't, like when he's addressing her directly..."What does Heidi think", or "Heidi looks so pretty tonight"...just one of the many Spencerisms that make me want to slam my head into a brick wall.

Second, was anyone else disappointed Spencer/Heidi's big fabulous new years dinner didn't take place at Don Antonios?

Finally, Laguna Consultant, my thoughts exactly on the sparklers. Allowing people who have been drinking so be in such close proximity to fire in an enclosed space that is filled to capacity is just flat out irresponsible. Havent these people heard of the Station Night Club in RI???

Team LagunaConsultant!! So glad it's someone we know and love. Thanks for the speediness.

Did Spencer say a single thing, the whole episode, that didn't bash LC/Heidi's "friendship"? Even something neutral, about ... say, anything? Maybe just dress-shopping. Think I'll have to go re-watch but he was vile.

How did I miss "Cocker spaniel"??

sunshine858619, love the SD reppin'. :)

nice recap lagunaconsultant - like todd on top design, I think it might take you a few weeks to get up to snuff, but nice work my friend, off to a great start.

ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought "daaaamn, Lo got chunkers!"

Good Work...

"Excuse me, my turrets must be acting up."

FYI: turrets = tourettes

LagunaConsultant
I hate your referencas to sidekicks and sports. The first paragraph of your recap was boring and unreadable.
On the other hand it is not fair to compare you to the master known as B Side. He will never be replaced.
Heidi is stupid, vapid and a moron. She deserves Spencer.I hate her voice that is whiny and annoying. I totally agreed with last weeks comments taht Spencer tries to sound like McConaughey. So false. And why o why can't these peolpe talk without leaving their mouths open at the end of every sentence?
Heidi annoys me to no end when she makes those sad puppy dog eyes ehen she is talking, and she moves her mouth like she is chewing on something.. I hate them

LagunaConsultant, I thought I couldn't possibly love you more after I saw the picture of you with the blue jumpsuit, but you just TOPPED IT with the reference to AYA. I laughed soo loud at that...

I'm so glad you took over!

Said to self "I'll probably not check out the Hill's recap since B-Side is gone". However curiosity killed the cat...Laguna Consultant brought me back!
Good job LC...whoa get it LC? Laguna Consultant? Lauren Conrad?! I crack myself up! Anyhoo...what the hell? That Spencer is killing me...all those cracks he was making about Lauren being a crappy friend to Heidi?! Wasn't it last week that Heidi dumped Lauren to go to the movies with Spencer?! God I hate that guy..hate the teeth..hate the voice..just loath him...I wish he would be gone for the rest of the season but it doesn't look like it...arrgghh!! Oh and Lo is as dingy as ever...:)

hey claudia tj (#22), if you don't like LagunaConsultant or the show, then wtf are you doing here?

get lost loser!

that was so sidekick of me!

Nice recap, Lasultant. You have big shoes to fill but you're certainly capable!

Sunshine (#11) I was also giddy for the return of Lo. I think I audibly squealed when she came on screen! She did gain a little weight but I think she's still way cuter than Tantastic Jenn Jenner. That BITCH.

As for Spencer...ugh. If I ever saw that douche I'd tell him, "I'm going to punch Spencer in his frying pan face now." Does that count as speaking in the third person? Or second? NYWord you're a grammar nazi, set the record straight.

msu11y28, good call on Spencer's bizarre way of speaking about Heidi rather than to her. He's also fond of calling her princess. My list of grievances grows.

LagunaConsultant, I admire your commitment. And if you really want to get locked up in Boston, just say something positive about Jeter.

LagunaConsultant - good recap, but you missed one laugh-out-loud funny part. When Heidi asks Lo, "isn't my boyfriend cute?" the camera cuts to Spencer, lingering there just long enough for us to get uncomfortable. We watch him sitting there, alone, with his permasmile-lines and pumpkin shaped noggin and shiny forehead and strangely huge tie-knot, and all come to the same conclusion. I laughed heartily. Whoever made that edit has a great sense of humor.

While your recap was better than nothing... BRING BACK B-SIDE. I'm sorry, no one can do The Hills justice qutie like B-Side can.

and apparently I can't spell...

love that speidi's dinner was at dolce. yet another mike boogie/fez douchefarm.

so far they've been to:

geisha house
bella
les deux
dolce

ech.

i also like how the waiter at i cugino's made a point of saying heidi's drink was a "virgin" (unlike the bitch drinking it). how much you want to bet spencer bought a shot of vodka and poured it in.

seriously. lauren was fucked up on new years. why hasn't area lost it's liquor license yet? there's video-fucking-evidence.

can't wait for the return of jenn jenner.

Lasultant - who has a name like Natania? I do! Its my Kaballah name. It means gift from God!

Also I laughed so hard when you captioned the sparkler pic "Screw Area! Let's burn this bitch to the ground." I miss B-side but that was awesome!

Thanks for taking over. I was so sad this morning when I thought there would be no recap. Thanks for brightening my day!

Laguna Consultant- I think you did an excellent job! Keep up the good work. :-)

Dear NYWord,

Quiet, please.

All my love,
FastBetty

P.S. Not too shabby, LagunaC.

Great recap. "8-Bahl" ROFL'd.

Aww... The first Hills recap without B-Side. No offense LagunaConsultant, you did a great job, but it still smarts.

Spencer has got to be the biggest asshole I've ever seen. Watching him manipulate Heidi the way he did this episode literally made me ill. At least now it makes a little more sense why she's so obsessed with him. Mind tricks, people, mind tricks.

NOO, Lasultant, that's not the way to a girl's heart. But if you didn't already know you can get ahead by lying through your teeth... well, now you know.

What happened to the recap from last week's epi? I was DYING for some snarkicity when the guy asked Lauren "Where are you from?" Um...seriously? Do you not notice the four cameras in this restaurant?

The best part of this last epi was Spencer [cough] douchebag [cough] saying he'd bought plenty of dresses for his sisters...really? I'm gonna need some verification on this one.

Writing in B-Side's wake is a hard task. I think you did the best you could. Part of me missing B-Side has to do with the fact that he was in Los Angeles, as am I. He knew that Don Antonio's wasn't in the middle of nowhere and is located in the mattress district on Pico. He knew that LC didn't actually live in THE HILLS. And, it was also clear that B-Side didn't want to sleep with Lauren...or didn't state it, and I appreciated that.

It just seems that Laguna Consultant, LC if you may, not to be confused with Lauren Conrad, the real LC, is munching a bit off of B-Side. Understandably, it's hard to find your own voice when the person before you spoke so eloquently about sidekicks, masters and what team Spencer happened to be on that day. I guess what I'm trying to say is, while Laguna Consultant did do his best, it was like reading one of B-Side's worst.

I hope this doesn't post twice. My DSL is banged up. Lo looked phenominal! Even if she found a few, still very hot and extremely witty. Glad to see her and Lauren are back together thick as thieves. You kind of hoped Lauren would figure out who her real friends are after somne people shit on her over the past year.

MORE LO and MORE ASHES

I personally enjoyed this recap! Funny and detailed. Good job :)

P.S. What is this pic of you in a blue jumpsuit? Can we pass this along?

I feel more like your name would be Gunasul.
By the way, good first try. I know that must have been hard to fill B-Side's extremely large shoes.
However, you asked for our opinions. So, here's my list:
1. I don't like lists. They're not that funny.
2. I like funny.
3. Good screencaps. I mean, really good. Yay for you!
4. I naturally don't like that your boy, but if you're funny--then, you're funny. Which I think in the past you had proven. (But, please don't make me a part of your virtual sexy time with LC)
5. Think about what C-dawg said...maybe you should consider moving to L.A...if you're serious about hard hitting journalism when it comes to the Hills.

I must confess- i miss B-side!!!!! please B-side come back and recap once in a while.
-laguna consultant, not bad. if anyone should replace b-side its you b/c you were 'one of us' lol so u get to say all the old b-side jokes and we'll know what your talking about.

oh forgot to mention. LO so looked drug. luv her but she looked so drugged when she was giving that toast before they went to the club

this was the episode of DARK roots- Wh Wh Wh Whitney should have hit up the salon w/ Heidi & Lauren!

A cautionary tale friends:
I go to this bar, and we had the best bartender in the world. Then one day he decided to move on...since that day we have compared every other bartender to him and have had approx 12 in two years. Then one day we realized, he is not coming back. While no one will ever be him, I would rather have one person that I like, instead of 15 different people b/c of complaints. Its like Crosby, Stills and Nash said, "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with."
PS...I enjoyed the recap!

I love Lo! Does anyone know where she is going to school? Because.....my guess is that she's been studying and carb loading....dorm life and all. Just a few lbs.. My guess is that unlike the other s who have their own Luxury apartments, and drive their Benz to Whole Foods, Lo is in real world school, not fantasy world school, that she's smart and working hard. Anyone know if I am right?

I agree with #17. You missed all the key points of the episode.

Free B-side!

Lo goes to UCSB where she's probably ordering Silver Greens, Freebirds and Sams To Go at a rapid rate. Oh, what am I saying, she wasn't that big. Leave the girl alone. She's not as big as Spencer's teeth, or ego.

Ever notice how he doesn't understand the skill that is speaking? Before he was stating that he wanted to be within five feet of Lauren, this time, he states that he COULD care less.

I'm going to let Mensa know they have a new applicant.

I thought Lo is goint to UCSB...?

Really? Where did you hear that?

Laguna Consultant -- the recap was a good start. But next time I would concentrate less on reporting exactly what happened in chronological order (we have all seen the show), and focus on more great snarky comments. You missed some big moments:
1. Elodies great eye roll.
2. All those girls who had acres of black roots (Elodie, Whitney)
3. The fact that Spencer refers to Lauren's friends as "Baggage" and,
4. as noted earlier, the shot of Spencer in all his chiclet tooted sweaty smarminess as Lo politely agress that he's cute.....that was the best editing all season.

LOVED Elodie's eyeroll. I thought it was just my imagination that Lo looked a bit, er, stocky. What's with her odd voice inflections anyway?

How big of a pair would one have to own in order to even try to walk in B-side's footsteps? I would like to thank Gunasul for taking the baton and recapping The Hills. I mean, it's not like we can actually talk about this stuff with our real friends. There's been some good constructive criticism, in addition to "You Sir, are no B-side!" remarks. But I'm just glad you are here Mr. Consultant.

yaay, cath619, glad SD is representin' :o)

lagunaC: i have to agree, for constructive criticism, no lists please. they arent really amusing, and if you feel that a scene isnt important enough to devote a sentence to it, just skip it all together. maybe after a couple of recaps you will find your voice outside from under b-side's HUGE shadow.

i think LO transferred from UCSB to UCLA. i dont think the poofy hair flattered any weight she might have gained, then again all the outfits she wore were just ill-fitted and baggy.

does this mean that mrs. conrad won't post anymore now that b-side is gone? perhaps you should move to LA, lagunaC!! i loved the LA inside-facts provided by b-side!! lol.

I don't think Lo is that big. Her arms looked normal and her face didn't look fat. I think it was just a combination of too much toasting, too much hair, and the unfortunate choice of maternity wear. Who looks svelte in a mu-mu?

during the whole show I was thinkin Lo looks pregnant...I don't know ...seemed like she was tryna wear a dress that was big around the stomach... and she looked really tired...and even when they were in the club it looked like Heidi touched her stomach when they were standing by each other..

I think Lo is just leading a normal life and she looks great. (Remember the camera adds 15lbs!) She just normal, and unlike Lauren and Heidi she is not a
PROFESSIONAL REALITY TV STAR wh interns at Vogue. Lauren has gotten tiny. She looks adorable in that shot where she and Lo walk away from Cafe Sushi. But.....if I did not know it was her she could be easily be mistaken for a chic 12 year old. So Lauren's a size O and Lo is a size 4. By the way, my 12 year old neice loves Lo the best. I am so proud she sees beyond the club girls of Area!

i think laguna consultant is most likely someone who lives in laguna and knows the people in the show (e.g., goes to the same high school), but was too ugly to be filmed for the show, and