Oh my God, you guys.
The unthinkable has happened.
"The Hills" this week........
was awesome.
It almost feels like an "emergency episode" because we're brought to this very specific subject in the middle of it; we don't see its beginning, middle and end. Also, it has very little to do with the bogus storylines they've been building over the course of the season. In fact, I would recommend that you actually WATCH this episode, because its finest moments are hard to capture in words, even in my eloquently humorous way. It's almost as though something REAL happened and they had to drop everything to cover it. Well, almost everything. Heidi's still in this episode.
During the recap at the top of the episode, LC says that after Blahdrina heard a rumor about her, she did the worst thing a friend could possibly do. Umm, sleep with LC's brother? Use her vibrator while LC's out shopping? Stole some of her weed? Nope, Blahdrina believed the rumor.
At the cafeteria at Epic Records, Chiara sighs and asks Blahdrina what's up, surely prepared for another tedious conversation about Pigpen's lack of enthusiasm for Blahdrina's taupe den of love. Chiara remarks that Blah looks really angry, but she does it with the widest grin I've seen since LC went out on that pseudo-date with Stephen Colletti. I'm pretty sure Chiara hates Blahdrina. I'm pretty hopeful that Chiara reads TVGasm.
Flipit's secret identity?
No, Flipit's way more fun than Chiara possibly could be. So Blahdrina scrunches her face into her classic "poor me" smile/wince and says that Chiara has no idea what she's been through this week. Chiara's face darkens and she asks solemnly, "What is it?" I think she may be trying to stifle a laugh. "This guy Dino, I've known him for two years, he called me and said 'I need to get something off my conscious,'" Blahdrina begins. Okay, firstly: Never believe a guy named Dino. This should be self-evident. He's either from Staten Island or he is the family pet of a family with the surname Flintstone. Secondly, don't believe someone who says they have something on their "conscious." It's not the same thing as a conscience; therefore they could be describing a venereal disease.
"He said that basically, Pigpen and Lauren hooked up," Blahdrina bomb-drops. Requisite gasps all around, except for those of us who already heard this. What is this "basically" business? How do you know Dino didn't just see them sneak into a back room together, in which case they were probably planning a surprise party for you? It's a sitcom rule. And this is "basically" a really boring sitcom. Blahdrina admits that she called LC right when she heard, and that LC vehemently denied the whole matter, then hung up on her (hell yes!) but she doesn't know what to believe. Hmmmm, maybe you should believe your one semi-sane friend? Blah sheds a few tears, which look pretty real, actually, and Chiara waddles over in her 1960s housecoat to give Blah a bear hug and tell her she's stronger than this. I'm sorry, but I beg to differ. Blahdrina is WAY weaker than this.
"There there. Let's get you back to your crib."
At Lo/Lau's house, LC storms into Lo's bedroom in quite a tizzy and declares that Blahdrina is crazy. I think she just needs a father figure. LC recounts the tale of their cell phone convo, wherein Blahdrina accused, LC laughed, and Blahdrina re-accused. See, if this were set up like everything else, we would have seen that conversation. Hell, we would have met Dino. "It's insane! It's SO INSANE!" LC rants. "That's laughable!" Lo agrees. "You would never do that!"
"Can we say CUCKOOOOO!"
"It's insulting on SO many levels," LC continues. I love that what neither of them is saying is that it's crazy mostly because Pigpen always looks like he just rolled around in a sewage plant in New Jersey. LC lists the falsified ways that Blahdrina now thinks of her: 1) As a bad friend. 2) As a shady person. 3) As a slut. 4) As the kind of person that would have sex with a homeless dude who cheats on his girlfriend. Come to think of it... I think she just described Blahdrina.
"Ooh, shady's the worst. Just ask Brody."
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Comments (17)
Anyone notice how when Heidi comes home and asked Spencer if he saw anyone that day (in which we are to assume she is referring to Holly) her hair is totally different than when Holly visited her earlier that "day?" Curly at work but crimped later...must be a classic MTV/Hills reshoot. Nice.
1 of 17 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:39 AM
Audrina used to be my favorite...now she's just crazy. After Justin and Lauren told her many times that they didn't hook up....she still kept asking if they did! hellllo?! did you not hear what they said? I think she's overly obsessed with Justin...and she's a crazy person that actually believes that Lauren would hook up with Justin. seriously?? I think she would believe if he hooked up with Brody. At the club when Lauren had said 'no no no no' Audrina asked her again if she did! what the hell? And she even said that she has no reason to apologize Lauren cuz she didn't do anything. Yes she did! she accused her friend of something, when she repeatedly told you no!
2 of 17 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:55 AM
Justin... was very eloquent and well spoken in this episode. I NEVER thought I would agree with anything he ever said but he was spot on, and he did it calmly. Audrina is RIDICULOUS.
Speidi married?! What a joke.
3 of 17 | Posted by Kara | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:00 PM
Blazergirl--not only was her hair different-- she was in a completely different outfit! They aren't even making an attempt at continuity.
4 of 17 | Posted by nhmom | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:17 PM
Dude! I'm sure the producers were so excited to finally have some 'REAL' material, they didn't think we'd notice any lack of continuity! ha!
5 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:54 PM
O, I haven't finished reading your recap yet, cuz you said to STOP and WATCH this one.
So I'm off to go watch *cringe* the episode on your word...
This horror that I'm about to subject myself to should be proof of how much I enjoy your recaps of "The Hills".
Please stay.
6 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:17 PM
I don't watch the show but your recaps crack me up! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:04 PM
...And I'm back.
I see what you're saying now. It seems that there were some real emotional reaction shots in this episode. There must be a snowfight going on in hell...
My theories about why Audrina is accusing LC of sleeping with JustinBobby:
1. To get more camera time
2. She's a drama queen who's too dumb to stir up real drama
3. She's insecure about JB's feelings and (mistakenly) thinks this will push him to declare his feelings about her and make her feel better
4. She's passive-aggressively ending her friendship with LC, so she can get her own LC-less spin-off
5. She's HUNGRY!!! It's hard to think straight on an empty stomach. And we know she hasn't eaten in months, so...
At this rate, the only friend LC will have is Lo. LC either needs to raise her friendship standards to the ones she has for dates or...wait. Never mind.
8 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:06 PM
btw, to all those who hate team speidi, the good news about their recent "wedding" means it's now only a matter of time before their "divorce"/breakup
9 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:56 PM
Okay, so I stopped watching this show at the beginning of last season, and haven't seen any episodes of this season at all. However, after reading the recap, I was intrigued, and just finished.
WTF? Okay, so, when Audrina says, "You're doing the same thing to me that you did to Heidi" . . . well, that was just silly. Because LAUREN is actually the Heidi in this situation, and AUDRINA is the Lauren. Basically, Audrina is accusing Lauren of doing something bad (which is what Lauren did to Heidi), and after Lauren has denied this more than once (as Heidi did to Lauren), Audrina has insisted on persuing the matter, and stirred some sh*t up (as Lauren did with Heidi).
And when Lauren said that Audrina was worse than Heidi, I have to agree. Well, to quantify, in this situation at least. Perhaps not in general.
Just my opinion.
Also, I wholeheartedly agree with the whole Spencer-has-all-the-characteristics-of-an-abuser logic. How can he not look at these episodes and go, "Wow, I'm a douche with a capital Bag. I really need to change my life." I mean, how he acted toward Holly was just ridiculous.
One last thing: When Heidi came home to talk to him after work, he totally looked like he was peeing in the kitchen sink for a moment or two.
10 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 27, 2008 1:20 AM
I hate to say it but Justin was smokin hot in that restaurant. And well spoken, makes him finally worth the drama.
11 of 17 | Posted by miss tint | Posted on November 28, 2008 2:42 AM
miss tint -- thank you for saying that. I've thought Justin was hot ever since he cut his hair and "cleaned up." He's an ass, but a hot one.
12 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 10:34 AM
Oh no Miss Tint and Hypnotoad.. now Audrida is gonna have to sit down and write a list on how you been flirting with her boyfriend. Dino is dropping a dime right now to Audrina to talk about your posts as I type this.. if I were you I'd put my cell phone straight to voice mail right about now...
13 of 17 | Posted by donnabgood | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:23 PM
only hypnotoad could call someone a hot mess and mean it as a compliment. do you use that line in bars? lol
14 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:31 PM
Oh, flipit, you know the only thing you can do with a hot mess is take it home and hose it down!
Yeah, so Audrina just sent me a 12 minute voicemail about how shady I am. Shady, just shady! I swear, I did not sleep with Justin Bobby! I got lice from a subway seat . . . I think she bought it.
Oh, and I really don't like Lo. At all. In fact, she's one of the main reasons I'm not watching this season.
15 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 11:01 PM
You guys are a riot!!
I didn't watch this ep. I could kick myself. But the Spencer "sketches" are getting old. "Oh, that was mean"..."can't believe he said that"...etc. Just kill Heidi already and get off my TV.
16 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 29, 2008 9:52 AM
That screengrab of Lo makes her look like the love child of Kristen Bell and Galadriel from Lord of the Rings. "I will diminish, and go into the west, and become the annoying BFF of a pseudo-celebrity, and none of us will ever have a talent for anything. Ever."
(But I totally heart Kristen Bell. Veronica Mars rocks my gosh-darn face off)
17 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:24 PM