"Ohhhhh YES, BLAHDRINA, I did it, I just COULDN'T RESIST his CHARMS and his IMPECCABLE HYGIENE!!!" LC yells. Oh my Lord, I can't tell you how much I love it when the icy, impersonal exterior of Lauren Conrad comes crumbling down and the cameras are there to catch it. It hasn't happened in like three seasons. And evidently Blahdrina has made fast work of tearing down LC's good reputation. "She called BRODY! She called FRANKIE! And they all called me!" LC moans. And I think Bladrina even called TMZ or something, because it was all over the 'Gasm comment board by the time my next recap was up that week. Hmmm, maybe Chiara IS Flipit after all.
At least Lo got her shopping done before this crisis.
LC mentions that Blah is supposed to stop by, but unless she apologizes, their friendship is totally dunzo. At the Aryan compound, Spencer, with newly frosted tips, prepares a delectable meal of toasted bread for himself while he... continues to be unemployed. Holly knocks on the door and he lets her in without a word, or even an offer of toast. He immediately calls her "Little Miss Traitor" (at once demeaning AND accusatory - how efficient!). She ignores him, because she is a GROWN-UP, and asks whether Heidi is around. He makes her ask again, and this time she phrases the question as WHERE is Heidi. "Not here," he mutters simply. He refuses to tell her where his dumbass damsel is, replying only that she doesn't want to see Holly. You know, I think now would be a good time to bring up the fact that I just read the "How To Spot A Domestic Abuser" list in Dear Abby and the Spencer portrayed on this show meets 12 of the 15 criteria. ("Does this person mistreat their family or friends? Does this person hold grudges? Are you this person's only friend? Does this person try to cut you off from your friends?") And I can only guess what their sex life is like (actually, I'd rather not). I can only hope that MTV shows Spencer in this light because they want girls to recognize when their boyfriend is a total douche who should die alone? Hmm, maybe.
Moving along, Holls asks Spencer very politely to let Heidi know she came over. He continues to be an asshole by calling her a mooch who's Hangin' With Ms. Conrad. He notes that it was his sister who told him, and that this is one more thing he and Heidi have in common: they have "unloyal" sisters. You know, it's hard to be a grammarian when you've never been past high school. Something else he and Heidi have in common is that they're both jacking off a selfish jerkwad.
Holly gets all "Debbie Colorado" on his ass and insists that she AND Stephanie have had Heidi's interests at heart, and furthermore, he's a dickhead. Well, she doesn't say that exactly; she says he cares only about himself, which he doesn't deny. After he promises begrudgingly to tell Heidi she came over, Holly finally leaves with an eyeroll the size of Montana.
At Lau/Lo's, LC is paying bills and neatly stacking them beside each other, emotionless and efficient as a psychotic mom who cleans compulsively when she gets upset. Blahdrina enters and they have a stare-off in the kitchen to see who breaks first.
It's looking rough. Blahdrina's wearing her douche beret, and she's prepped for battle.
LC coolly informs Blah that until she treats her like a friend, she will not talk to her like one. She asks why Blahdrina is such a nutty fubar. "YOU KNOW WHY," Blah replies coldly. "Did you hook up with Pigpen or NOT?" LC laughs in that sad, I'm-about-to-lose-another-friend way and tells Blah she's insane. "Are you serious right now?" she asks. "I'm DEAD serious." LC returns the favor by ending her giggle attack and telling Blahdrina that she doesn't care what she thinks of her, she just needs to stop telling other people shit about her. With that, Blahdrina and her zombie eyes whimper and storm out of her former non-home.
"Dear God, it's me, LC. Please send me someone who's got a grip."
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Comments (17)
Anyone notice how when Heidi comes home and asked Spencer if he saw anyone that day (in which we are to assume she is referring to Holly) her hair is totally different than when Holly visited her earlier that "day?" Curly at work but crimped later...must be a classic MTV/Hills reshoot. Nice.
1 of 17 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:39 AM
Audrina used to be my favorite...now she's just crazy. After Justin and Lauren told her many times that they didn't hook up....she still kept asking if they did! hellllo?! did you not hear what they said? I think she's overly obsessed with Justin...and she's a crazy person that actually believes that Lauren would hook up with Justin. seriously?? I think she would believe if he hooked up with Brody. At the club when Lauren had said 'no no no no' Audrina asked her again if she did! what the hell? And she even said that she has no reason to apologize Lauren cuz she didn't do anything. Yes she did! she accused her friend of something, when she repeatedly told you no!
2 of 17 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:55 AM
Justin... was very eloquent and well spoken in this episode. I NEVER thought I would agree with anything he ever said but he was spot on, and he did it calmly. Audrina is RIDICULOUS.
Speidi married?! What a joke.
3 of 17 | Posted by Kara | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:00 PM
Blazergirl--not only was her hair different-- she was in a completely different outfit! They aren't even making an attempt at continuity.
4 of 17 | Posted by nhmom | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:17 PM
Dude! I'm sure the producers were so excited to finally have some 'REAL' material, they didn't think we'd notice any lack of continuity! ha!
5 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:54 PM
O, I haven't finished reading your recap yet, cuz you said to STOP and WATCH this one.
So I'm off to go watch *cringe* the episode on your word...
This horror that I'm about to subject myself to should be proof of how much I enjoy your recaps of "The Hills".
Please stay.
6 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:17 PM
I don't watch the show but your recaps crack me up! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:04 PM
...And I'm back.
I see what you're saying now. It seems that there were some real emotional reaction shots in this episode. There must be a snowfight going on in hell...
My theories about why Audrina is accusing LC of sleeping with JustinBobby:
1. To get more camera time
2. She's a drama queen who's too dumb to stir up real drama
3. She's insecure about JB's feelings and (mistakenly) thinks this will push him to declare his feelings about her and make her feel better
4. She's passive-aggressively ending her friendship with LC, so she can get her own LC-less spin-off
5. She's HUNGRY!!! It's hard to think straight on an empty stomach. And we know she hasn't eaten in months, so...
At this rate, the only friend LC will have is Lo. LC either needs to raise her friendship standards to the ones she has for dates or...wait. Never mind.
8 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:06 PM
btw, to all those who hate team speidi, the good news about their recent "wedding" means it's now only a matter of time before their "divorce"/breakup
9 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:56 PM
Okay, so I stopped watching this show at the beginning of last season, and haven't seen any episodes of this season at all. However, after reading the recap, I was intrigued, and just finished.
WTF? Okay, so, when Audrina says, "You're doing the same thing to me that you did to Heidi" . . . well, that was just silly. Because LAUREN is actually the Heidi in this situation, and AUDRINA is the Lauren. Basically, Audrina is accusing Lauren of doing something bad (which is what Lauren did to Heidi), and after Lauren has denied this more than once (as Heidi did to Lauren), Audrina has insisted on persuing the matter, and stirred some sh*t up (as Lauren did with Heidi).
And when Lauren said that Audrina was worse than Heidi, I have to agree. Well, to quantify, in this situation at least. Perhaps not in general.
Just my opinion.
Also, I wholeheartedly agree with the whole Spencer-has-all-the-characteristics-of-an-abuser logic. How can he not look at these episodes and go, "Wow, I'm a douche with a capital Bag. I really need to change my life." I mean, how he acted toward Holly was just ridiculous.
One last thing: When Heidi came home to talk to him after work, he totally looked like he was peeing in the kitchen sink for a moment or two.
10 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 27, 2008 1:20 AM
I hate to say it but Justin was smokin hot in that restaurant. And well spoken, makes him finally worth the drama.
11 of 17 | Posted by miss tint | Posted on November 28, 2008 2:42 AM
miss tint -- thank you for saying that. I've thought Justin was hot ever since he cut his hair and "cleaned up." He's an ass, but a hot one.
12 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 10:34 AM
Oh no Miss Tint and Hypnotoad.. now Audrida is gonna have to sit down and write a list on how you been flirting with her boyfriend. Dino is dropping a dime right now to Audrina to talk about your posts as I type this.. if I were you I'd put my cell phone straight to voice mail right about now...
13 of 17 | Posted by donnabgood | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:23 PM
only hypnotoad could call someone a hot mess and mean it as a compliment. do you use that line in bars? lol
14 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:31 PM
Oh, flipit, you know the only thing you can do with a hot mess is take it home and hose it down!
Yeah, so Audrina just sent me a 12 minute voicemail about how shady I am. Shady, just shady! I swear, I did not sleep with Justin Bobby! I got lice from a subway seat . . . I think she bought it.
Oh, and I really don't like Lo. At all. In fact, she's one of the main reasons I'm not watching this season.
15 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 11:01 PM
You guys are a riot!!
I didn't watch this ep. I could kick myself. But the Spencer "sketches" are getting old. "Oh, that was mean"..."can't believe he said that"...etc. Just kill Heidi already and get off my TV.
16 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 29, 2008 9:52 AM
That screengrab of Lo makes her look like the love child of Kristen Bell and Galadriel from Lord of the Rings. "I will diminish, and go into the west, and become the annoying BFF of a pseudo-celebrity, and none of us will ever have a talent for anything. Ever."
(But I totally heart Kristen Bell. Veronica Mars rocks my gosh-darn face off)
17 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:24 PM