She scurries back to her Blahteau, an ugly urban jungle of beige walls and fake potted plants, and calls Pigpen to leave a message that rivals the length of any of my grandmother's voicemails, which is saying a LOT. In Pigpen's absence, she is forced to say all of the signposting, story-driving things she needs to his inbox, explaining that she's left numerous voicemails and texts to him, that she feels sick inside over this, and that he'd better call her, goddammit. Not like she's crazy or anything, but she might cut him if he doesn't get back to her pretty soon.
"Hi Pigpen, it's me. They can pretty much put any words in my mouth from this angle."
I wonder, is this what it would take to make her stop seeing him? Would she FINALLY come to her senses if he screwed around on her with her friend, not some faceless slut?
Across town, Holly has taken matters into her own hands by paying a visit to Heidi at work, dressed like an extra from "Working Girl," complete with plaid shoulder-padded blazer and gold link-strapped purse. Ughh. She says hello to Heidi (who doesn't even stand to greet her, let alone hug her own sister) and shows distaste for Heidi's lack of an office.
"Ew, smells like demotion in here."
Heidi, rocking the battered wife/Michael Jackson combo look, wearily explains that she used to have an office, "but I ran into a... bit of tr..trouble at XIV the other week... so.... now... cubicle." Is she drunk? Oy. The girl's looking worse for wear. Can you believe she's only 22? She speaks with the exhaustion of a 49-year-old former trophy wife who's just been divorced and now has to get a job of her own after years of ordering the maid around. Life is tough sometimes.
"I kind of want to take a nap. From my whole life."
Holly asserts that she's been feeling hurt by everything that's happened between them, and that she's never felt so unwelcome, not even by that creepy guy who ran a hostel in Slovakia. "I feel like I've done nothing but try to make you feel at home, and now I hear you're living with Lauren... or what... ever..." Heidi slurs. Holls breaks it down and tells Heidi that her problem has nothing to do with her - it's all about Spencer (isn't it always?). She brings up the valid point that if someone really loved her, they'd want every part of her life to be great - not push everyone away from her (HELLOOOOO, abuser checklist!). Heidi brushes off her concerns, until Holls asks if he ever told her that she came by the other day.
"Dr. 90210's gonna kill me, but this scene kinda requires some kind of emotion."
Blahdrina meets up with her beau at a tapas bar, and he looks like if James Dean fell into a vat of Dapper Dan hair gel.
Rebel Without A Scrotum
Or maybe if they cast Keanu Reeves as Dracula.
"I really wish they'd cast Winona as Blahdrina."
Dude, the dude wears black nailpolish. Sigh, there's no hope. Blahdrina asks if they can talk about him and Lauren. His eyes widen with sarcasm and asks what there is to talk about. I can kind of see why she's upset, because he doesn't answer the question directly; he asks how she could think he would do that (but seriously, a prissy bitch like LC? SOOO not his style). Faster than I can type the words out, he affirms, "I told you no, it didn't happen, and if you don't want to believe me, I don't know what else to tell you." I hate to say this, but it's the only answer you can give if you're really innocent. You can only tell the truth so many times before you start diverting from the question.
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Comments (17)
Anyone notice how when Heidi comes home and asked Spencer if he saw anyone that day (in which we are to assume she is referring to Holly) her hair is totally different than when Holly visited her earlier that "day?" Curly at work but crimped later...must be a classic MTV/Hills reshoot. Nice.
1 of 17 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:39 AM
Audrina used to be my favorite...now she's just crazy. After Justin and Lauren told her many times that they didn't hook up....she still kept asking if they did! hellllo?! did you not hear what they said? I think she's overly obsessed with Justin...and she's a crazy person that actually believes that Lauren would hook up with Justin. seriously?? I think she would believe if he hooked up with Brody. At the club when Lauren had said 'no no no no' Audrina asked her again if she did! what the hell? And she even said that she has no reason to apologize Lauren cuz she didn't do anything. Yes she did! she accused her friend of something, when she repeatedly told you no!
2 of 17 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:55 AM
Justin... was very eloquent and well spoken in this episode. I NEVER thought I would agree with anything he ever said but he was spot on, and he did it calmly. Audrina is RIDICULOUS.
Speidi married?! What a joke.
3 of 17 | Posted by Kara | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:00 PM
Blazergirl--not only was her hair different-- she was in a completely different outfit! They aren't even making an attempt at continuity.
4 of 17 | Posted by nhmom | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:17 PM
Dude! I'm sure the producers were so excited to finally have some 'REAL' material, they didn't think we'd notice any lack of continuity! ha!
5 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:54 PM
O, I haven't finished reading your recap yet, cuz you said to STOP and WATCH this one.
So I'm off to go watch *cringe* the episode on your word...
This horror that I'm about to subject myself to should be proof of how much I enjoy your recaps of "The Hills".
Please stay.
6 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:17 PM
I don't watch the show but your recaps crack me up! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:04 PM
...And I'm back.
I see what you're saying now. It seems that there were some real emotional reaction shots in this episode. There must be a snowfight going on in hell...
My theories about why Audrina is accusing LC of sleeping with JustinBobby:
1. To get more camera time
2. She's a drama queen who's too dumb to stir up real drama
3. She's insecure about JB's feelings and (mistakenly) thinks this will push him to declare his feelings about her and make her feel better
4. She's passive-aggressively ending her friendship with LC, so she can get her own LC-less spin-off
5. She's HUNGRY!!! It's hard to think straight on an empty stomach. And we know she hasn't eaten in months, so...
At this rate, the only friend LC will have is Lo. LC either needs to raise her friendship standards to the ones she has for dates or...wait. Never mind.
8 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:06 PM
btw, to all those who hate team speidi, the good news about their recent "wedding" means it's now only a matter of time before their "divorce"/breakup
9 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:56 PM
Okay, so I stopped watching this show at the beginning of last season, and haven't seen any episodes of this season at all. However, after reading the recap, I was intrigued, and just finished.
WTF? Okay, so, when Audrina says, "You're doing the same thing to me that you did to Heidi" . . . well, that was just silly. Because LAUREN is actually the Heidi in this situation, and AUDRINA is the Lauren. Basically, Audrina is accusing Lauren of doing something bad (which is what Lauren did to Heidi), and after Lauren has denied this more than once (as Heidi did to Lauren), Audrina has insisted on persuing the matter, and stirred some sh*t up (as Lauren did with Heidi).
And when Lauren said that Audrina was worse than Heidi, I have to agree. Well, to quantify, in this situation at least. Perhaps not in general.
Just my opinion.
Also, I wholeheartedly agree with the whole Spencer-has-all-the-characteristics-of-an-abuser logic. How can he not look at these episodes and go, "Wow, I'm a douche with a capital Bag. I really need to change my life." I mean, how he acted toward Holly was just ridiculous.
One last thing: When Heidi came home to talk to him after work, he totally looked like he was peeing in the kitchen sink for a moment or two.
10 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 27, 2008 1:20 AM
I hate to say it but Justin was smokin hot in that restaurant. And well spoken, makes him finally worth the drama.
11 of 17 | Posted by miss tint | Posted on November 28, 2008 2:42 AM
miss tint -- thank you for saying that. I've thought Justin was hot ever since he cut his hair and "cleaned up." He's an ass, but a hot one.
12 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 10:34 AM
Oh no Miss Tint and Hypnotoad.. now Audrida is gonna have to sit down and write a list on how you been flirting with her boyfriend. Dino is dropping a dime right now to Audrina to talk about your posts as I type this.. if I were you I'd put my cell phone straight to voice mail right about now...
13 of 17 | Posted by donnabgood | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:23 PM
only hypnotoad could call someone a hot mess and mean it as a compliment. do you use that line in bars? lol
14 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:31 PM
Oh, flipit, you know the only thing you can do with a hot mess is take it home and hose it down!
Yeah, so Audrina just sent me a 12 minute voicemail about how shady I am. Shady, just shady! I swear, I did not sleep with Justin Bobby! I got lice from a subway seat . . . I think she bought it.
Oh, and I really don't like Lo. At all. In fact, she's one of the main reasons I'm not watching this season.
15 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 11:01 PM
You guys are a riot!!
I didn't watch this ep. I could kick myself. But the Spencer "sketches" are getting old. "Oh, that was mean"..."can't believe he said that"...etc. Just kill Heidi already and get off my TV.
16 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 29, 2008 9:52 AM
That screengrab of Lo makes her look like the love child of Kristen Bell and Galadriel from Lord of the Rings. "I will diminish, and go into the west, and become the annoying BFF of a pseudo-celebrity, and none of us will ever have a talent for anything. Ever."
(But I totally heart Kristen Bell. Veronica Mars rocks my gosh-darn face off)
17 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:24 PM