Pigpen adjusts his black velvet blazer and turns the tables on Blah, telling her that she cannot talk to him the way she did on the phone. "I know..." she says meekly. "No, you don't know. I would truly never say those things to you," he responds calmly, then recites a number of bleeped-out curses that I'm totally confident Blah used in one of her hourlong voicemails. She insists she said those things because he never called her back and she was freaking out, but he asks, "Why would I want to talk to someone who's batshiat crazy and saying those things to me?" (That batshiat crazy part was mine, but we all know he's thinking it.) He threatens to leave, saying he doesn't want to deal with her because "this is f---in' bull----." He calls her immature, and when she explains that she asked Lauren about it too, he instantly calms, smiles, and asks what Lauren said. Maybe he figures she said the same thing we all thought: "What? Ew!"
He calls her out on pretending to plead with him like she's innocent, but that act won't go far as long as he keeps bringing up her telephone tantrums. She sighs that she's lost Lauren over it, and he squirms in his chair. "I don't know what's gonna happen," she continues. "You know what? I gotta go. This is so stupid," Pigpen says, and I kind of admire him for at least not bending to the will of her attention-grabbing ploys. He calls her fictitious, not right, a dude, and then sweeps his cape over his face and steals into the night.
"Dang. Now who am I going to dissect Nine Inch Nails lyrics with?"
Due to an unforeseen loss of friends, LC is forced to hang out with Stephanie outside of Fit'Em. Bummer. She meets up with the lesser blonde at a coffeehouse and I wonder why Steph always stares at LC with that creepy, robotic admiration before any conversation has begun.
She's like an evil Cabbage Patch doll about to kill her owner.
LC prepares to drop the bomb on Steph, but apparently already Steph knows via text from Blah herself. Damn, did she SMS this shit or what?? Come to think of it, I even remember Blahdrina talking about it on Letterman. LC is appalled. She explains the fallout to Steph, who stands up for Blahdrina by reminding LC that Pigpen HAS hooked up with her friends before. Maybe so, but surely they were skank monsters, right? It is simply not possible that Pigpen is hot enough, even in person, to melt the frigid chastity of Lauren Conrad and her pesky standards. LC tells Steph about the unsuccessful chat at the LoLau Castle and wonders whether their friendship can survive. "Are you even going to sit down with her again?" Stephanie asks.
"Without precondition? That's just dangerous."
Heidi and her crimp-tastic hairdo arrive home, where Spencer is still in the kitchen. You know, for all of the complaining about mooches that Spencer does, how come nobody ever asks him what HE does for a living?
I hear puppet masters are in high demand these days.
Heidi launches into a complaint about her new cubicle, which amuses Spencer to no end. GOD. He is such a gem. Sometimes I wish these two crazy kids would just have babies already! Heidi asks Spencer how his day was, whether he saw anybody, subtle subtle subtle, and he answers a simple "no." And with that, pouting time has begun.
Don't you miss the Heidi that barely worried about skipping classes at Fit'Em?
At the ever-so-lonely Blahteau, Blah and sister Casey are having an eyeshadow-off. The goal is to see how many inches of makeup they can put on and still pretend to have a conversation about a lame (but probably faithful) boyfriend. I think Casey's winning.
"Maybe you should talk to him... Oooh! I just raised an eyebrow! 10 bonus points!"
Blahdrina declares that she is ready to talk to Lauren now that she's calmed down, but still vows not to apologize, since there's clearly no reason to do so.
"I can move each feature of my face individually."
Later, at Winston's...
I'm hoping this will be symbolic of Blahdrina's intent to shut the hell up.
Mmmm, nothing like an exposed spinal column to make the boys come runnin'.
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Comments (17)
Anyone notice how when Heidi comes home and asked Spencer if he saw anyone that day (in which we are to assume she is referring to Holly) her hair is totally different than when Holly visited her earlier that "day?" Curly at work but crimped later...must be a classic MTV/Hills reshoot. Nice.
1 of 17 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:39 AM
Audrina used to be my favorite...now she's just crazy. After Justin and Lauren told her many times that they didn't hook up....she still kept asking if they did! hellllo?! did you not hear what they said? I think she's overly obsessed with Justin...and she's a crazy person that actually believes that Lauren would hook up with Justin. seriously?? I think she would believe if he hooked up with Brody. At the club when Lauren had said 'no no no no' Audrina asked her again if she did! what the hell? And she even said that she has no reason to apologize Lauren cuz she didn't do anything. Yes she did! she accused her friend of something, when she repeatedly told you no!
2 of 17 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:55 AM
Justin... was very eloquent and well spoken in this episode. I NEVER thought I would agree with anything he ever said but he was spot on, and he did it calmly. Audrina is RIDICULOUS.
Speidi married?! What a joke.
3 of 17 | Posted by Kara | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:00 PM
Blazergirl--not only was her hair different-- she was in a completely different outfit! They aren't even making an attempt at continuity.
4 of 17 | Posted by nhmom | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:17 PM
Dude! I'm sure the producers were so excited to finally have some 'REAL' material, they didn't think we'd notice any lack of continuity! ha!
5 of 17 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:54 PM
O, I haven't finished reading your recap yet, cuz you said to STOP and WATCH this one.
So I'm off to go watch *cringe* the episode on your word...
This horror that I'm about to subject myself to should be proof of how much I enjoy your recaps of "The Hills".
Please stay.
6 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 6:17 PM
I don't watch the show but your recaps crack me up! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
7 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:04 PM
...And I'm back.
I see what you're saying now. It seems that there were some real emotional reaction shots in this episode. There must be a snowfight going on in hell...
My theories about why Audrina is accusing LC of sleeping with JustinBobby:
1. To get more camera time
2. She's a drama queen who's too dumb to stir up real drama
3. She's insecure about JB's feelings and (mistakenly) thinks this will push him to declare his feelings about her and make her feel better
4. She's passive-aggressively ending her friendship with LC, so she can get her own LC-less spin-off
5. She's HUNGRY!!! It's hard to think straight on an empty stomach. And we know she hasn't eaten in months, so...
At this rate, the only friend LC will have is Lo. LC either needs to raise her friendship standards to the ones she has for dates or...wait. Never mind.
8 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 7:06 PM
btw, to all those who hate team speidi, the good news about their recent "wedding" means it's now only a matter of time before their "divorce"/breakup
9 of 17 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:56 PM
Okay, so I stopped watching this show at the beginning of last season, and haven't seen any episodes of this season at all. However, after reading the recap, I was intrigued, and just finished.
WTF? Okay, so, when Audrina says, "You're doing the same thing to me that you did to Heidi" . . . well, that was just silly. Because LAUREN is actually the Heidi in this situation, and AUDRINA is the Lauren. Basically, Audrina is accusing Lauren of doing something bad (which is what Lauren did to Heidi), and after Lauren has denied this more than once (as Heidi did to Lauren), Audrina has insisted on persuing the matter, and stirred some sh*t up (as Lauren did with Heidi).
And when Lauren said that Audrina was worse than Heidi, I have to agree. Well, to quantify, in this situation at least. Perhaps not in general.
Just my opinion.
Also, I wholeheartedly agree with the whole Spencer-has-all-the-characteristics-of-an-abuser logic. How can he not look at these episodes and go, "Wow, I'm a douche with a capital Bag. I really need to change my life." I mean, how he acted toward Holly was just ridiculous.
One last thing: When Heidi came home to talk to him after work, he totally looked like he was peeing in the kitchen sink for a moment or two.
10 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 27, 2008 1:20 AM
I hate to say it but Justin was smokin hot in that restaurant. And well spoken, makes him finally worth the drama.
11 of 17 | Posted by miss tint | Posted on November 28, 2008 2:42 AM
miss tint -- thank you for saying that. I've thought Justin was hot ever since he cut his hair and "cleaned up." He's an ass, but a hot one.
12 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 10:34 AM
Oh no Miss Tint and Hypnotoad.. now Audrida is gonna have to sit down and write a list on how you been flirting with her boyfriend. Dino is dropping a dime right now to Audrina to talk about your posts as I type this.. if I were you I'd put my cell phone straight to voice mail right about now...
13 of 17 | Posted by donnabgood | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:23 PM
only hypnotoad could call someone a hot mess and mean it as a compliment. do you use that line in bars? lol
14 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on November 28, 2008 6:31 PM
Oh, flipit, you know the only thing you can do with a hot mess is take it home and hose it down!
Yeah, so Audrina just sent me a 12 minute voicemail about how shady I am. Shady, just shady! I swear, I did not sleep with Justin Bobby! I got lice from a subway seat . . . I think she bought it.
Oh, and I really don't like Lo. At all. In fact, she's one of the main reasons I'm not watching this season.
15 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 28, 2008 11:01 PM
You guys are a riot!!
I didn't watch this ep. I could kick myself. But the Spencer "sketches" are getting old. "Oh, that was mean"..."can't believe he said that"...etc. Just kill Heidi already and get off my TV.
16 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 29, 2008 9:52 AM
That screengrab of Lo makes her look like the love child of Kristen Bell and Galadriel from Lord of the Rings. "I will diminish, and go into the west, and become the annoying BFF of a pseudo-celebrity, and none of us will ever have a talent for anything. Ever."
(But I totally heart Kristen Bell. Veronica Mars rocks my gosh-darn face off)
17 of 17 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on November 29, 2008 1:24 PM