Bolthouse doesn't have to reserve its drunken antics and boss-on-underling flirtation for Christmas parties. They just fly to Vegas! (Me, I just wait for my liquid lunch.) Inside the Palazzo, Heidi is either laughing uncontrollably at her mobster boss' latest joke or smiling politely while shivering. You never can tell with these California girls. Spencer makes his way through the bar like a hammerhead shark, weaving through the room with his forehead leading the way. He comes up behind the group and interrupts, startling (not to mention embarrassing) Heidi. Hey, she's just lucky he didn't goose her like Coletti would have. She excuses herself and leaves the table, to the confusion of all of her bosses. No one knows who that douche was. "You're askin' me?" quips Tony Soprano.
"... So I tells the guy, I tells him, 'no, I didn't have him wacked, I just had him killed!' Ahahahahahaha!"
The umpteenth fight of the season begins as Heidi (rightly) scolds Spence for barging in on her 5-way dinner date. Spencer says he can't live with her living in Vegas the way things ended (or did they?) between them. Heidi rebukes with the theory that the whole relationship is only convenient for him. Duh. She spouts off a list of things they do only when he wants it, and curiously includes the detail "waking up with me." That's kind of weird. Some other things I believe they only do when it's convenient for Spencer:
1) Massaging Heidi's feet.
2) Letting Heidi blow him.
3) Taking Heidi to Don Antonio's for life-changing margaritas (which will get her drunk enough to blow him).
They yammer on for a bit about the same old shit, until finally I'm like, Oh, what? THAT'S what they're fighting about? I totally have forgotten what they started fighting about in the first place, either because it's been so damn long or because I know they're not really broken up or because I'm really tired of hearing the two of them use those same passively terse tones with each other. But they're fighting because he wants to be with her too much and she's never around? I always thought they spent their days pretend-fighting on camera and planning matching golfing outfits. And really, who's too busy for that?
Only Tiger Woods
Spencer begs Heidi to come home with him (never, I might add, apologizing or saying he loves her, at least not that we saw), and Heidi pouts in response. She returns to her table full of variations on black-on-black outfits, and they all promptly rise and make an excuse about getting up early in the morning. Easy fellas, you haven't banged her yet. Left alone, Brent tells Heidi that she's gotta put that bitch on a leash, and make some decisions about her job while he's off entertaining Tony Soprano with trips to the strip club.
Back at the LauLoBlahteau, the blondes are making dinner while Chloe The Dog follows LC around the kitchen just like Heidi used to do, all those seasons ago. LC tests out some crab legs, unsure if they're done, and passes one to Lo for testing. "They're definitely done," Lo confirms. I'd like to note that we never see how they fare 2 hours after this scene. My guess is that they both keeled over from seafood poisoning.
When, oh when will LC drop this Fair Maiden braided look?
LC mentions that she told Blahdrina about this little Red Lobsterfest, to which Lo suddenly looks blank, then says "Oohhhh yeah," as though she just remembered that they live with that one brunette chick. Lauren bangs on a cowbell to call Blah to the table (classy), while Lo fake-yells for her not unlike the way you'd fake a stadium crowd-goes-wild sound.
"Can she hear me if I whisper?"
I'm not sure why they don't just call Blahdrina, or, you know, go knock on her door. This is one of those rare instances in life where you need LESS cowbell. Lo threatens to eat all the cheese before Blahdrina arrives (that'll learn her) "which is not going to be good for my behind." LC sighs as though she can't even muster up the "no, Lo, you're not fat" required compliment tonight. They talk about why they're uncomfortable with Blahdrina, and Lo says "it's not gonna get any better." Well, not with that attitude! Just then, Blah walks past in a skanky black pleather outfit, headed out for a night on the town.
"Looks like someone doesn't like crab!"
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Comments (15)
Gawd, I am so sick of Spencer and Heidi's bullshit. I am incredulous that BB would even consider including Heidi in this big project considering how much she fucked up her last big gig. Then there's the double contrivance of She-Pratt blabbing about what happened to Heidi despite his promises to not do anything crazy and Heidi telling She-Pratt her exact location when she called her from Spencer's car. Yeah, right. And of course, Spencer shows himself to be a total sociopath by "forcing" She-Pratt to accompany him to Vegas and abandoning her in the parking lot. So, in the end, Heidi once again bails on BB to go home with Spencer. Oh, really? Maybe it's just me, but I have this eerie sense of deja vu watching this play out, but I'd care if I didn't know that Heidi's job is as fake as her face.
I have no idea what the deal was with LC and Lo attempting a have supper with Audrina. Did they bother to invite her? Did Lo tell LC she invited Audrina but didn't in order to further sabotage their friendship?
1 of 15 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on May 14, 2008 9:34 AM
POST YOUR UNPOPULAR OPINIONS!
We kind of did this at the end of last season. Post your opinions that may be unpopular. Here are mine:
1)LC is basically self-centered and boring.
2) Audrina is the least annoying person on the show.
3)Whitney would be perfect if she didn't TALK LIKE A VALLEY GIRL! goodness.
4) LO was ALWAYS a bitch, nothing new.
5)this show is actually pretty fun to watch!
2 of 15 | Posted by AsIf | Posted on May 14, 2008 10:29 AM
So, does anyone know the scoop on why LC dumped LO for a while?
It has been mentioned before that LC dumped LO over JEN Bunney...then LC dumped Heidi over Spencer...then she dumps Audrina for Lo...FUG LAUREN KEEP A FRIEND!
O. SNAPP:
As of last week Audrina is still living in the poolhouse according to a radio show Spencer did with ryan seacrest.
3 of 15 | Posted by AsIf | Posted on May 14, 2008 10:53 AM
Great recap O.Snapp! I look forward to your recaps for next season.
I remember Lauren saying Jen Bunney was the cause of the problems between Lauren & Lo. She would tell Lauren Lo was saying bad stuff about her and vise versa. Eventually Lauren and Lo got together and figured it out.
I can't believe Heidi even got up from the table to go talk to Spencer. I would have said no go away I will talk to you later when I'm done. But we all know she wanted to have a fake horrible music career instead of working for Bolthouse. LOL!
4 of 15 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on May 14, 2008 11:31 AM
"accumpliss" hilarious!
5 of 15 | Posted by User Name | Posted on May 14, 2008 12:20 PM
the whole "fight" between Heidi and Spencer looked more like a scene from a bad soap opera than the hills! Heidi was so over-acting! It's pretty bad when I find Spencer getting more likeable.
Lauren is really starting to get on my nerves...she always pushes her friends away...how can she not see that Lo is a complete b*tch towards Aud? I really liked the way Audrina handled that conversation.
6 of 15 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on May 14, 2008 1:36 PM
Hey O. Snapp I've been reading TVgasm for a couple of years now and your recaps are great.
Good season, except for all of the Brody bs.
7 of 15 | Posted by Scorpio23 | Posted on May 14, 2008 1:46 PM
What about Lo's totally insencere "You look upset" comment to Lauren? It didn't have a speck of honesty or real concern in it! I've gotten chills from people who have fake-reacted like that when I've been upset.
8 of 15 | Posted by boris8 | Posted on May 14, 2008 6:02 PM
Could someone fill me in on what the previews were for next season? Everyone's making it sound so exciting!
9 of 15 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on May 14, 2008 7:03 PM
PREVIEWS:
Lauren gets a new boyfriend
Audrina fights with LO
and Stephanie goes completely to Lauren's side and SPEIDI cuts her out.
10 of 15 | Posted by AsIf | Posted on May 14, 2008 8:40 PM
Haha.. uhh... Team Lo, I guess. I hated LC on Laguna Beach and still hate her on The Hills, but I always thought Lo was hilarious and bitchy and at least she was upfront about it.
Audrina is a sweet girl, but she was pretty much shoved into Lauren's life to replace Heidi and that's why last season was SO boring. Because those two were never that close of friends to begin with. They should make Lo a full cast member, seeing as she and LC don't have to fake their friendship.
But really, this show is soooo retarded. You guys realize that NOTHING happened this season? Like... what the hell... we all know Speidi storyline was fake, other than that... ? ? ? Did anything actually happen with the 15 or so episodes?
11 of 15 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on May 15, 2008 10:21 AM
Can anyone tell me when/where it was announced there was going to be another season? I don't know how I completely missed that!
12 of 15 | Posted by rtvfan | Posted on May 15, 2008 3:17 PM
My sister forced me to look at Heidi's myspace page, on which I saw a few comments from girls that literally said, "You are a role model to me."
Pray for our future.
13 of 15 | Posted by ez rider | Posted on May 15, 2008 4:44 PM
call me crazy but did anyone else notice that in the scene between audrina and lauren the word "Lo" seemed dubbed every time? I don't recall us actually seeing the word Lo come out of their mouths. Wait, once audrina said it, but watch again. I think the scene was fake just like all the others. Still fun to watch, but they seem to be forcing and setting up this storyline to be the big one for next season.
14 of 15 | Posted by Hillschic | Posted on May 16, 2008 2:55 PM
i hate to say it, but spencer is the best actor on the hills, he doesnt have the smile behind the eyes like the rest of them do when they are saying their "lines".
15 of 15 | Posted by partysunflower | Posted on May 22, 2008 3:26 PM