Would probably make a better Republican presidential candidate.
Wow. You know, there's nothing like a good verbal beat-down when it comes to protecting the honor of a weak living Barbie Doll. On this week's episode, Holly Montag ups the ante on familial defense with her cojones of steel, Pigpen secures his nook in Blahdrina's vagina, and I take the liberty of inventing some words to integrate into the cultural lexicon. Who's with me?
We open at the LauLoBlahteau, where LC has enlisted Lo's help for a very difficult Fit'Em assignment involving reading fashion mags and cutting pretty pictures out of them. I tells ya, if that's all it takes to get a design degree, just call me ValentinoSnapp.
A+
They gossip about Stephanie and Holls (the only two interesting people in L.A., according to these two) and Lo maintains her clean look with perfect pearl earrings while LC looks dingier by the week, still struggling with that awful 'stache. I know I keep mentioning it, but what is UP with that thing, anyway? Just go one shade lighter with the foundation, hon. Also, Lo bears an eerie resemblance to that hot lady on "Cold Case" who constantly looks like she's been crying all day.
"I don't think it was suicide.... I THINK SHE WAS MURDERED."
"What about this angle? Is this better?"
LC reasons that, with Holly, it's awkward because she's blood-related to an evil ho. But at the same time, "she's a friend who... I was friends with." I can see how that would be a sticky situation, especially all of those friends who were actually your enemies - Heidi, Stephanie, most of MTV's flaxen-haired Los Anglelicans. We'll call them LC's blondetourage. Nonetheless, the only golden girl to remain on Team LC, Lo, encourages her to go out with Holly anyway. "Drinks are harmless," she reasons. Ha. Sure, tell that to the thirteen girls who got knocked up after my high school prom. Or date rape victims. Or alcoholics. Fuck, maybe we should bring back the Prohibition?
She might be pondering deeply... or perhaps she's posing for her own charcoal portrait.
We get an adorable transition involving chicks toting yoga mats and people running around the streets ON PURPOSE. I'll never understand those crazy Californians. Blahdrina and Chiara take a seat at Epic's cafeteria among the peons of regular folk. Hey Chiara! Give it up for the real girls and their real chests!
Bird On An Underwire
Chiara with her wig-like hair reminds me of this doll I used to have as a little girl. She was a cherubic-faced brunette that I named Stacy, who I actually liked more than my other dolls, but for some reason I always made her just sit there rather blankly and listen to my Barbie's inane complaints about Ken and his small, wandering penis and ugly goatee until finally I'd make Stacy bludgeon Barbie with a small metal object.
AND she came with her own plastic brush!
ANYWAY, Blahdrina babbles on about some boy who asked her on a date, Colin. Chiara mumbles how great it is while longingly watching people walk by, envious of their freedom to just get up and walk away from any conversation. To be fair, she's probably also hoping that this Colin fellow doesn't live in a cardboard box. Here's to mail-deliverable addresses! Blahdrina brazenly mentions that she didn't tell Pigpen - perish the thought! That detail thrown in plus this facial expression tells me that there's gonna be some drama 'round these parts.
"Can't wait for THIS storyline to develop!"
At lunch, Heidi is a feast for the eyes of cascading blonde locks, glowing in the sunlight like a goddamn halo. If she wasn't wearing an inch of eyeliner and had her original nose, lips, and cheekbones and wasn't trying so hard to frown without her brow, I'd almost think she looks like an angel. Almost. Well, maybe a confused angel.
The stuff of poetry, truly.
Holls reports how amazingly happy LC is, in a way that she hasn't been since the last time a friend totally rejected her for a boy. Not counting Stephanie, of course. Heidi seems like she's a breath away from bawling at every moment - perhaps her patience for Spencer and enthusiasm for total isolation is wearing thin? Nah.
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Comments (13)
I can't help but get the feeling TPTB want to end this season(show?) with LC and Heidi making up.
1 of 13 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:52 AM
I think Lauren threw a pile of takeout menus at Holly when she said she wasn't a very good cook.
2 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on October 9, 2008 11:38 AM
Um what happened to the Heidi that broke up with Jordan because he yelled at her??? Spencer has just sucked the life right out of her.
3 of 13 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on October 9, 2008 3:05 PM
At first I thought this whole Spencer being controlling was an act but now I'm really starting to believe that Heidi really is a shell of her former self. Spencer really does play some mind games on her.
4 of 13 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on October 9, 2008 3:14 PM
This recap saved me from crying over my Lousy Cold+Yom Kippur blues. Thanks!
I'm not sure what to say about the actual episode. I like Holly. Perhaps she decided to join the show in order to help her poor, crazy sister. An intervention of sorts.
Anyone know when the series is supposed to end?
5 of 13 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:36 PM
"...ultimately Heidi made her own bed and now she has to fuck Spencer in it." OMG, so freakin' funny! So, so true....
Anyway...isn't Colin the guy from a previous episode? I believe the Halloween party at Lauren & Audrina's apartment episode....he was the Navy officer? He seems so familiar....
6 of 13 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on October 9, 2008 7:24 PM
mrngstar - I thought the same thing but didn't that guy have an Australian accent????
7 of 13 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on October 10, 2008 3:21 PM
it is him! my how that accent fades, huh? mtv is lame.....
8 of 13 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on October 10, 2008 8:09 PM
just wanted to tell you that my Mom hates music. as a child, and even now when i wind up in a car with her, she would usually refuse to allow music, as she finds it 'distracting'. in the rare instances where she has allowed music during a car ride, she puts it on so low that it becomes horribly annoying. granted, i prefer loud, fastpaced heavy metal and country music, but, come on. on the homefront, i don't believe the woman has had a stereo component in her home since i moved out. just thought you would want to know.
team blahdrina.
9 of 13 | Posted by vegasbroad | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:55 PM
it DEFINITELY wasn't cory... him and colin look completely different.
10 of 13 | Posted by kiwi | Posted on October 11, 2008 7:39 AM
LOL! @ Not just someone who says, "I like everything but country and heavy metal"
I just met a guy a few months ago who asked me what type of music I'm into and I literally gave the above responses word for word. lol Now I feel so lame...even though it's true. I swear. Here's my iPod as exhibit M.
I hate watching this show but your recaps almost convince me to watch it. Almost.
11 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:09 PM
Akgirl7, Spencer must be an excellent luvah because Heidi is acting very dick-nitized. That's Audrina's problem, too. It's hard for friends and reason to penetrate the dick-nitized haze.
12 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:28 PM
Exhibit A that Audrina is out of her mind: put up side-by-side screenshots of pubeface (ha!) and prell-guy. O, you're so right. By the third screenshot, I became a member of Team Mr. Prell. :)
13 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:31 PM