"Is nailpolish a friend?"
"She has... me?" And I'm pretty sure even Holly doesn't like her. LC says that she wouldn't mind being friends (although she never uses the word) with Heidi, if only she wasn't flanked by that pubeface all the time. Holly makes a mental note that Spencer is the only thing keeping the duo apart and vows to destroy the pube at once.
Some other day thereafter, Blahdrina joins LC for a backyard tanning sesh (true friendship endures!) and Blahdrina gabs about how her last date with Colin was really her LAST date with him. "It's just that whenever he asked about Pigpen... I mean, I had to tell him the truth!" Okay, I know that there is "clever" editing on this show and everything, but from what we saw, he never asked anything. She just couldn't stop talking about her vagrant lover boy.
Blahdrina comes to terms with the fact that until she finds someone to make her forget about that faint smell of dirt combined with b.o. with a dash of belch thrown in for good measure, Pigpen "will always be in the picture." I'm not sure why. "Oh, J.B.," Lauren sighs. Shouldn't it be O.D.B?
Meanwhile, LC's shades take over the requisite minimum 68% of her face.
LC uncharacteristically recommends that Blah NOT get over Pigpen but, instead, that she simply tell P.p. about how she's sleeping around on him. I briefly wonder whether LC had a past life as a 1970s Cosmo magazine advice columnist.
Moving on, LC fills Blah in on the latest gossip about Heidi and Holly and the letter and how much fun they used to have before Blahdrina came into their lives. To be honest, I'm pretty sick of suddenly hearing how much fun they used to have if they're not willing to go ahead and just BE FRIENDS AGAIN. Lauren gets very deep for a hot second and wonders what life would be like if Heidi'd never met her master. "Very different," Blahdrina offers. Dumbass.
"Can-Can?" "Can-Can! 5, 6, 7, 8...."
You know, as a recapper I've covered some horrendously un-funny, un-entertaining shows. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth trying to find something giggle-worthy to write about. And sometimes, the joking on my part is simply totally unnecessary. Observe:
Scene: Pigpen and Blahdrina enter generic cozy coffee shop. Pigpen (in flannel jacket that inaugurates the return of '90s grunge) remarks on coldness of perfect 70-degree weather. Pause.
Pigpen: Hey. If I get this tattoo gun... can I tattoo your butt?
I'm just gonna let that one sink in for a minute.
Ah. You're welcome. Pigpen calls her "dude" and asks what's new. She doesn't say anything for a good few seconds and I wonder what her fucking hesitation is at talking about one date in front of another. Man up, Blahdrina! "Well.... I went on this date the other night..." she begins.
"A whaaaahhhh?????" Pigpen nearly chokes on his double espresso. She hesitantly talks about her "innocent, fun little date" as Pigpen's eyes twitchingly dart back and forth like a hooker on the lookout for the PoPo. Then he asks the deal-breaker question: "Did he pull out your chair for you?" Blahdrina proudly responds, "AND opened the door!" I was starting to feel a smidgen of sorry for Pigpen until this eerie politician's smile crept across his face.
"See, there's your problem. You can't trust those chair puller-outers."
Yeah, then of course he starts turning the tables on poor, vulnerable Blahdrina, so easily manipulated. She says Colin's nice. "Nice is good, nice gets you far. So far that he's not here! HA HA HA!" he cackles maniacally. Point: bad boy. Blahdrina meekly counters that HE's dating other people too. "Can I do that, will that make you mad? Have you really thought about this?" he presses her. It's a shame, because we all know that it DOES make her mad because it's not like he's telling his homeboys that he needs to find some chick to help him get over ol' Zombie Eyes here. Infuriatingly, he chides her for going about this immaturely (POT... KETTLE... BLACK...).
Finally, at La Casa De Douchey, Heidi's filling in the role of Rapunzel rather nicely, all golden-haired and pretty, stuck in her second-story apartment with no friends or anyone to talk to but the bluebirds at her window.
"When's my goddamn prince gonna come?"
« Heroes: Did Somebody Order The Hot Cops? (Now with a Side of Child Abandonment!) | Main | Salon Takeover With Tabatha: Don't Hire A Horny MWTYWTFHBRYRPYPIASS! »
Comments (13)
I can't help but get the feeling TPTB want to end this season(show?) with LC and Heidi making up.
1 of 13 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on October 9, 2008 9:52 AM
I think Lauren threw a pile of takeout menus at Holly when she said she wasn't a very good cook.
2 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on October 9, 2008 11:38 AM
Um what happened to the Heidi that broke up with Jordan because he yelled at her??? Spencer has just sucked the life right out of her.
3 of 13 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on October 9, 2008 3:05 PM
At first I thought this whole Spencer being controlling was an act but now I'm really starting to believe that Heidi really is a shell of her former self. Spencer really does play some mind games on her.
4 of 13 | Posted by chickadee2586 | Posted on October 9, 2008 3:14 PM
This recap saved me from crying over my Lousy Cold+Yom Kippur blues. Thanks!
I'm not sure what to say about the actual episode. I like Holly. Perhaps she decided to join the show in order to help her poor, crazy sister. An intervention of sorts.
Anyone know when the series is supposed to end?
5 of 13 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on October 9, 2008 4:36 PM
"...ultimately Heidi made her own bed and now she has to fuck Spencer in it." OMG, so freakin' funny! So, so true....
Anyway...isn't Colin the guy from a previous episode? I believe the Halloween party at Lauren & Audrina's apartment episode....he was the Navy officer? He seems so familiar....
6 of 13 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on October 9, 2008 7:24 PM
mrngstar - I thought the same thing but didn't that guy have an Australian accent????
7 of 13 | Posted by akgirl7 | Posted on October 10, 2008 3:21 PM
it is him! my how that accent fades, huh? mtv is lame.....
8 of 13 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on October 10, 2008 8:09 PM
just wanted to tell you that my Mom hates music. as a child, and even now when i wind up in a car with her, she would usually refuse to allow music, as she finds it 'distracting'. in the rare instances where she has allowed music during a car ride, she puts it on so low that it becomes horribly annoying. granted, i prefer loud, fastpaced heavy metal and country music, but, come on. on the homefront, i don't believe the woman has had a stereo component in her home since i moved out. just thought you would want to know.
team blahdrina.
9 of 13 | Posted by vegasbroad | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:55 PM
it DEFINITELY wasn't cory... him and colin look completely different.
10 of 13 | Posted by kiwi | Posted on October 11, 2008 7:39 AM
LOL! @ Not just someone who says, "I like everything but country and heavy metal"
I just met a guy a few months ago who asked me what type of music I'm into and I literally gave the above responses word for word. lol Now I feel so lame...even though it's true. I swear. Here's my iPod as exhibit M.
I hate watching this show but your recaps almost convince me to watch it. Almost.
11 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:09 PM
Akgirl7, Spencer must be an excellent luvah because Heidi is acting very dick-nitized. That's Audrina's problem, too. It's hard for friends and reason to penetrate the dick-nitized haze.
12 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:28 PM
Exhibit A that Audrina is out of her mind: put up side-by-side screenshots of pubeface (ha!) and prell-guy. O, you're so right. By the third screenshot, I became a member of Team Mr. Prell. :)
13 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 11, 2008 12:31 PM