Blah shows her around the joint, detailing her plans for the decòr, which include candles EVERYWHERE (not unlike an Anne Rice novel?) and flowy white shit (not unlike a Calvin Klein ad from the early '90s). Casey is a sister who adds very little to the conversation except for earnestly fawning statements of disbelief and repeating "SERIOUSLY." over and over again. She should fit right in with Holly and Stephanie. Bet you ten dollars Pigpen will have a conflict with her.
Hey Casey, why the long face?
Blahdrina says she wants to make the place "all romantic, candles candles candles" and Casey calls her out on planning everything around Pigpen. Blahdrina concedes, and insists that it will just be nice to be able to, you know, "hang out" and not worry about waking anybody up. I don't even want to know how loud they're banging that Blahdrina has to get her own apartment to be able to fully enjoy herself. Ugh. Zombie sex.
Casey keeps trying to finish Blahdrina's ellipses-ended sentences, but Blah constantly looks like she's a breath away from bursting into tears. She chews furiously on her lip while Casey asks her whether she bought this place for herself, or for the hope of some douchebag living with her.
"Cuz you'll regret that, probably as much as I regret this green thing on my arm."
Later, at the LauLoteau (?), the blondies have one of their usual Thursday-night deep conversations, hailing their fish's ability to be a pet. By the way, the fish is named Cleo. Chloe and Cleo? Give me a fucking break. These girls need a cuteness wrangler. Harness your cuteness, use it for good, not evil!
Anyway, Lo pouts (too cute!! police that shit!) and whines that she's been thinking a lot about Blahdrina and feels real sad. She makes it sound like Blahdrina died or something. (don't worry, friends, it's not possible! You can't kill the undead.) LC essentially says Whatev's and steers the conversation into a lighthearted jab-fest at Pigpen, of which I thoroughly approve.
"La la la la la, I am so cute, la la la..."
Time for generic electra-disco music, and that can only mean one thing: bitches getting drunk and embarrassing themselves. Perhaps a little bit of drama sprinkled on top (only if it's your birthday). Tonight's scene of the crime is at XIV, the new club Bolthouse is promoting. As the unrecognizable "celebs" walk the red carpet, Heidi is busy patting herself on the back for being able to instruct some event workers to pitch a tent. Bravo, Montag! A resounding success. She asks Kimmy if she thinks it's okay to get a drink, and Kimmy responds by saying she's going to get something to EAT. Perhaps Heidi misinterpreted her, and that's why she starts drinking; or perhaps she would rather drink than eat. That sounds more accurate. WAY fewer calories in a martini than in a slider.
Spencer barrels into the party like John McCain on crack, completely bypassing the red carpet, which must be weird for him. Then again, what the hell would he do in front of the paparazzi without his lady beside him? Heidi is busy cheerfully scolding a waitress for forgetting to bring lime with her booze wagon, and just then Stephanie makes her grand entrance.
We spot the female Pratt, entering the habitat and ready to defend her pack if necessary.
Spencer and Heidi greet each other, and we can tell she's wasted because she talks to everyone like they're a puppy wrapped in a down comforter. "HIIIIYEEEEE!!!" she squeals to Spencer, and he squeals right back at her (don't you love when boyfriends make fun of your drunkenness? Adorable). To be fair, Spencer does comment that her tequila hit her fast, and maybe she should share the wealth so that she doesn't pass out on the dance floor? But Heidi yanks her glass away from him, wagging her finger and whimpering "No no no!" coquettishly. I suddenly have a vision of what their intimate moments are like. *shudder*. She gives suuuuper long hugs to Stephanie and Blahdrina, who at first seem perturbed by her drunkenness, then just kind of say "fuck it" and make her drink more.
"Yayyyyyy, human contact!"
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Comments (10)
What is there to say?
Audrina is an idiot...but that could be said for the whole lot.
Pigpen is your typical selfish self-centered loser, honestly. As long as Audrina keeps coming back to him, he has no reason to change. He can do whatever he wants with no ramifications.
You can tell LC is bored with the show and wants out.
Was Heidi ever really employed at Bolthouse? I seriously want to know.
Thanks for the recap, the actual show sucks.
1 of 10 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on November 7, 2008 9:33 AM
"At People's Revolution, LC is donning an odd hairpiece, a black headband/not-quite-a-headband."
When I saw this I just figured LC's been watching too much Gossip Girl and was trying out Blair Waldorf's style.
2 of 10 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on November 7, 2008 10:42 AM
My thought after Audrina mentioned that JB was working was "he has a job???"
3 of 10 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on November 7, 2008 10:49 AM
I was actually shocked when Audrina admitted she bought the house hoping JB would move in! I was just shocked. How incredibly deluded can you be?! I really do feel for her.
Did any of you watch the Aftershow? I think she realizes how ridiculous she looks and is trying to back-peddle. She kept saying she bought the house for just herself, but if everyone around her can tell she didn't (and she herself ADMITTED she didn't), it's a little too late now honey...
4 of 10 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on November 7, 2008 11:02 AM
That was exactly what I though, blazergirl. I never would have thought he was employed.
5 of 10 | Posted by LAjane | Posted on November 7, 2008 3:45 PM
I think I remember way back in the day someone here saying Pigpen is a (lol) barber.
6 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on November 7, 2008 4:33 PM
Audrina is sooo needy! She is pathetic! Her sister looks like she got in a terrible accident in an ink factory. This re-cap is the best part of The Hills. it is sooo funny!! But, I just knew there was going to be something said about at the end when LC was rubbing Lo's butt. Keep up the good work on the re-caps!!!
7 of 10 | Posted by FatGirlsRule | Posted on November 7, 2008 5:16 PM
Here4beer - Yes, I believe you are right. I think Justin is a hairstylist...
Odd, odd combination.
Audrina just makes me mad. The rest are boring.
Recaps are hilarious, but this show is driving me up the wall.
Thank you, that is all.
8 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on November 7, 2008 5:56 PM
Ya know what I would love to see? With Audrina acting like such an effin loser and pissing me off the way she is: JustinBobby just being brutally honest.
If he came out and told her "Listen fun bags, I think you're a hot chick who gives decent head and I like this pseudo celebrity I get from hanging with you and 'the crew'. It's just that I'm not going to be exclusive with you...EVER. As in in forEVER...EVER. So, I'm gonna keep coming around when the cameras are here and we're gonna have sex when I want to. MmmmK? Great."
Put in that position this dumb constipated-looking girl would just nod and say "But you'll come, right?"
Faced with complete honest douchness the outcome hardly changes for chicks like these. So sad. They think they're fooling people around them. It's almost like drug addicts who want to convince loved ones that they can stop whenever they want.
9 of 10 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 8, 2008 10:31 AM
Some questions come to mind...
Ummm, when buying a house, aren't you expected to be in escrow for a 30 day minimum? If so, then why did Audrina wait so long to notify Lauren that she was moving out?
If Heidi really worked for Bolthouse, then why wouldn't we have more paparazzi photos of her during these events? Maybe there are photos of her, but I just don't read the magazines.
10 of 10 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on November 9, 2008 3:43 PM