TVgasm Recaps

But slacking is!

The Jack5sons: to show you that Michael wasn't the only fucked up one in the family. Also, to capitalize on their brother's death. Yeah, it must be tough riding on the coattails of your far more talented brother's success, boys. In this season and series premier, we see what Tito, Jermaine, Jackie and Marlon do best: bitch and avoid work altogether. Really, they do EVERYTHING they can to not do shit, including visiting Gary, Indiana, playing basketball, crying a lot and going to a Mosque. ANYTHING.

What? We're superstars!

This week, more delusion in that the four Jackson brothers actually think they're worth something. It's sort of comical seeing them put together Michael tributes that fail and crack totally unfunny jokes, but on the other hand, I want to stab my television screen with a fork as I watch. Also, Jermaine is a huge pussy and pulls the 'ol PINK EYE excuse for missing a photo shoot. Geez, what were you actually doing, Jermaine? Making music?

Liar.

The Jacksons don't sell out, right?

This week is an even larger, more heaping pile of ridiculous when the three Jacksons do what they can on their individual projects to avoid working together. Marlon tries to make a big ol resort with mechanical slaves and shit, while Jermaine pretends like he cares about Indian culture. Tito does some blues rip off of Jackson 5 shit in London and everyone feels very, very important.