So I've been trying to get this recap up for a few weeks because I firmly believe that one dose of Janice a week is simply not enough. As a matter of fact, two isn't really enough either, but I fear that three might be akin to giving a diabetic a powdered donut - DEADLY. Regardless, here I am, recapping not one but two episodes of Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, which to those of you who aren't in the know, stars the world's self-proclaimed first supermodel and former America's Next Top Model judge, Janice Dickinson. She's starring in a reality show about trying to launch her own modeling agency and about being crazy and fabulous. Apparently, it's not an easy task. These last two weeks, Janice has booked her models first jobs: A foot modeling gig for the ladies and an underwear modeling gig for the guys (I have to keep reminding myself that this show is on the Oxygen network, and thus, I can see why the guys are modeling underwear, and sadly, not the ladies). Janice has taken on a partner to help her run the agency, and she has to deal with her kids and her own wackiness constantly leaving us with the question: WHAT WILL JANICE DO NEXT!?!?
As we start the episode Janice has already picked 16 male and female models to represent her modeling agency. What she is looking for is models who are ready to work and create revenue for her immediately. Botox injections don't come cheap, you know. In order to make this business boom, she's taken on a partner Peter Hamm, who Janice is having trouble sharing decisions with. You would think she'd be used to sharing decisions with other people, with all the different personalities she has fighting for control over her stick-body. Oh, I make fun because I love! Janice and Peter are holding their largest casting call yet to fill-out the modeling agency's roster of fine pieces of ass.
So Janice gets dressed like Mrs. White from the movie Clue, because, that's how she'd dress to go to Open Call in Paris. I love that Janice is like that crazy aunt you have that always tells you stories about "wartime" and asks if Frank and Dean and the rest of the guys are still on the radio.
Janice is a little nervous and overwhelmed by the turnout, but since she is still able to feel emotions, she is also touched. She gets on a bullhorn - is it me or does she actually sound quieter on that thing - and gives an inspirational speech about staying fabulous and kicking ass. It's all very Nazi Germany propaganda with just a splash of French Couture, and the crowd roars in approval.
The open call starts and of course, like an American Idol audition we keep seeing weirdo after weirdo mixed in with the genetic freaks who are all would-be models. Janice turns away a guy with pigtails, a 45-year-old woman who looks like a man, and I think a porn star and her pimp.
But then all is saved by Stina. Stina is a statuesque beauty that both Janice and Peter love, but I like her too, not because she's hot, well, not only because she's hot, but because the only reason she wants to model is "to be with Janice." It's sweet in a stalker-ish kind of way.
A whole bunch of people try with different degrees of success and are put through various kinds of modelesque forms of torture. What exactly is the point of getting that one doughy guy to do his runway walk naked in only his construction boots? I don't know but Janice's team of gay consultants seem to enjoy it. It's also kind of funny when one girl is clunking around in high heels and she tells Janice that she's been wearing these heels since 5 am and Janice tells her that she's been wearing her shoes for "900 years."
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Comments (12)
Great recap Umnata! I am glad I'm not the only one who thought Janice's son talked like he had a mouthful of marbles. But, speach impediment aside, he is a good looking kid and like the Hanlon son, seems to spend a lot of time apologizing for his mom's behavior.
We could have a show with all these "normal" kids of "abnormal" celebs.
1 of 12 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 4, 2006 10:47 AM
I'm guessing Umnata's not a fan of ANTM? Because you left out the fact that Michelle and Ebony from Season 4 and 5 were at the casting call.
That manny's really cute. I'm not sure if it's a good idea though especially since there's a 13 year old girl in the house.
2 of 12 | Posted by mizta
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Posted on July 4, 2006 6:37 PM
I'm Romanian and I want to know where all of the Romo guys are that look like Sorin. He doesn't seem that bright but what can you do.
3 of 12 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on July 4, 2006 9:10 PM
Yeah Sorin is a bit dim.
"Please tell us about your tattoo."
"It's my own design."
"Oh, and what does that design mean?"
"It's tribal."
Um, exactly what tribe does he belong to?
4 of 12 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:21 AM
Umnata, you are a hottie.
So, if they're going to show the mens in underwear that tight, they may as well show Nate getting rid of his hooker. Those briefs leave nothing to the imagination. Seriously, you can see everything. I'm in shock. And I can't look away.
5 of 12 | Posted by IHeartTV
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Posted on July 5, 2006 5:12 AM
I felt bad for the Romanian. I think it was just the language barrier, not him being dumb. He said something to that effect when he was crying. Poor thing.
Was it just me or was stupid ugly manly Michelle from ANTM picked as one of the models? Her nasty white hair is now brown.
6 of 12 | Posted by hanan5050
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Posted on July 5, 2006 10:06 AM
Yup that was Michelle, not sure her fried scalp could handle any more peroxide.
7 of 12 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on July 5, 2006 11:29 AM
wow..4 pages devoted to leatherface.
8 of 12 | Posted by dredge
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Posted on July 5, 2006 12:32 PM
Thanks Umnata for the pictures of the 'packages'...helps a girl get thru the day.
hey d~
hb
9 of 12 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on July 5, 2006 1:13 PM
:-)
hb...
10 of 12 | Posted by dredge
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Posted on July 5, 2006 1:40 PM
^HoneyBunny & Dredge - You guys are so cute. :)
A whole page should be devoted to Sorin's body. Yum! Thanks for the recap, Umnata. :)
11 of 12 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on July 6, 2006 9:10 AM
I know I may be aging myself, but I never heard of her until ANTM. I was a hip kid and loved pop culture. I do remember the models names of that time period: Cheryl Tiegs, Lauren Hutton, etc. Never heard of Janice 'suck my' Dickinson. Ever.
I think her career is 100% contrived and completely false. Sometimes, I think she is an old man in drag from the midwest.
This show is the same, she runs around, yaks about 'creating art', then kvetches and screams at anyone in the room. Shut the fuck up Janice, no one cares about you, no one ever did.
KH
12 of 12 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on July 6, 2006 3:28 PM