This weekend, a little boy came up to me on the subway and reenacted the entire Incredible Hulk trailer, word for word. He then said that he can't wait for July 13th to see that movie. When I pointed out that it was already July 14th, he freaked out. Then he showed me some yo-yo tricks. He was really cool.
So I stole him. What are you going to do about it, authorities??
I tied him to a chair and we watched The Mole together. If that's not true kidnapper-parental love, I don't know what is.
We begin this week with SmugJon consuming an apple and then acting surprised and choking on it when the team arrives. Dude, don't even. I dislike you enough as it is without you trying to pull that pretend-surprise bullshit. He demands that they split up into two teams: one for people who don't trust anyone, and one for people who trust blindly. The title of this week's challenge is - get ready - "Fruit of the Luge". I have to wonder if the writers come up with the puns first, and then work from there. "Fruit of the Luge! It's perfect! Does Chile have a luge? Does it have fruit? YESSS!!"
"I just inhaled a seed."
Basically, they are to pair up, one from each team, and go down this massive steel luge together. The driver will be blindfolded (with a "sexy, silky blindfold", Jon creepily smarms), and the navigator will be shouting out directions. Along the way, they will see a series of pictures of various fruits. The navigator is to yell these out to the driver, and the driver will have to remember the order when they get back and arrange the fruits on a table. For every one they get right, Jon will add $2,000 to the pot. I love how Jon keeps claiming to be doing all of this on his own, like he's the fiendish mastermind behind all of this. I like to think of him spending his nights physically lugging $2,000 in change (in bags with money signs on them) into the giant Scrooge McDuck-type silo that contains that elusive "pot".
Oh, and the players are NOT allowed to discuss anything once they cross the finish line. A big deal is made out of this rule, so you know it will be soon be blatantly broken.
Case in point: Bobby and Clay are up first. Bobby fails miserably as usual, not accurately describing the fruits and incorrectly identifying an avocado as a pear. And, of course, as they cross the finish line, Bobby continues barking "Pear! PEAR!" Fun fact about Bobby: gets really worked up over graphical representations of fruit. Clay is able to compensate for Bobby's ineptitude by correctly guessing avocado in the lineup, and they get 5/7. I should note at this point that Bobby, Clay, and Mark are all in a coalition together, which must make for some craaazy home videos. (Mark cries, Bobby whines, and Clay just stares at both of them, shaking his head in disbelief and pity.)
The game continues. Paul and Ali get 5/7. Craig and Victoria (who hilarious claims that she felt safe because Craig's flabby body enveloped her like body armor) get 7/7, but they yammered on way past the finish line so you know they'll be screwed. Mark and Kristen get 7/7. Alex and Nicole are next, and Nicole bungles the whole thing up by repeating the first fruit twice, which Alex then doubles on the table, and so they only get 1/7. Nicole looks fine with this, although at this point I think it's fairly obvious that she's just trying to make herself look like the Mole. Well, physical appearances to the contrary, we're just not buying it, honey.
Lady-parts doctor or furry woodland creature? You decide!
After the commercial, Jon informs the group that Team Bobby/Clay and Team Victoria/Craig talked beyond the finish line, and have therefore added 0 dollars to the pot. The best thing about this part is that Jon sounds really offended by the fact that they disobeyed his orders. "The rules were clear!" he shouts. Calm down, Smuggy. Don't get your frighteningly high-arched eyebrows in a twist.
Later, Clay and Mark discuss the fact that Bobby is a wackjob and could very well be the Mole, so they jointly decide to distance themselves from him within their coalition. Poor Bobby. His high school yearbook prediction couldn't have been more accurate.
Bobby: Most Likely To Alienate Potential Allies, Fail At Running, and Generally Suck At Everything At All Times And Especially While Being Filmed For A Reality Show
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Comments (7)
Thanks for the hilarious recap! I'm not so sure about Craig being the Mole. It's too obvious and insulting in a "this is only way a fat guy could make it through" kind of way. It could be Alex; any guy who knows he's that good looking is suspect, even though he's right. I'm leaning toward Clay. The only thing he has done so far is opt out of the clothing challenge this episode, I think, otherwise, he's been flying under the radar.
1 of 7 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on June 18, 2008 10:27 PM
I have to say I think Clay or Mark is a good bet for the Mole.
And Dr. Whiner just gets on my freaking nerves! I wish every day for her to go away from this show and never return.
But then, I also have an unhealthy love for SmugJon. I know he's not Anderson Cooper, but I love him none-the-less. Is that so wrong?
2 of 7 | Posted by lonebutterflly | Posted on June 19, 2008 6:20 AM
I still got Victoria. Aside from her general game play (and the green thumb on the helmet in the first ep, I'm telling you!!), her behavior during quiz results is too "OMG I'm safe, I didn't think I would be!!"
3 of 7 | Posted by EZ Rider | Posted on June 19, 2008 10:19 AM
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these recaps! Thank you!!
Little tid bit that I caught as I fanatically watched half of the show frame by frame...Craig had a card, already, BEFORE Jon handed them out. Either it was really bad editing, or....
Right after Ali's interview, they go back to a group shot and you see the SHOCK and AWE on Kristen's face and right behind her, Craig is very cool, looking at the card in his hand...
And I love Jon, too! I think his smarminess comes across as thinly veiled ridicule for the whole process and what "he" is putting them through...it makes me giggle. :D
4 of 7 | Posted by kimbubbly | Posted on June 19, 2008 11:20 AM
Just like 98% of the decisions I make, I was wrong once again. I had pegged Bobby b/c all of a sudden King Useless was able to speak Spanish when before in the pig mission he just sat in the wheelbarrow of shame and pretended not to. So I thought ... AA HAA (but in that creepy villian on Scooby Doo way voice) Bobby is now on my list of suspects. And then of course, he was executed (although not the way I had hoped with the last meal, shaved head, priest, protesters, and awaiting pine box) Why did Clay have a card in his shorts and then refuse to participate? Me thinks he knew the clothes were at the laudromat and was trying to sabotage the mission. If statistics hold true, I am wrong again
5 of 7 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 20, 2008 8:14 AM
I miss Bobby already.
Oh, but boring Clay is still there.
I like John Kelly too. He's like a black Anderson Cooper but not as closeted.
6 of 7 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on June 23, 2008 7:58 AM
omg scrooge mcduck silo! lmao. i knew i wasnt the only one out there who remembered that!
7 of 7 | Posted by aidnnme | Posted on June 23, 2008 12:08 PM