The next day, the players are told to dress up in their Sunday best. They are then delighted to find out that Jon has booked them a day at a really nice spa. With a waterslide! While they frolic about the pool and get fancy massages and bandy about passive-aggressive accusations in the hot tub, I have to imagine that Jon is impishly prancing about the windows, cackling to himself and whispering "My precious...", as he eventually commandeers the locker rooms and steals all of their clothes. Ah. So Jon is apparently That Kid at the neighborhood pool.
"Heeeere's Jonny!"
As the bewildered players return and realize that they've been robbed of their attire, Jon explains all. He sent their clothes out to be dry cleaned, but they won't be ready in time for dinner tonight, which is at a restaurant across town. So they are to go out into the streets and find clothes from themselves: guys need pants, with a collared shirt and a tie, and girls need a two-piece top with a skirt or pants. For every person that arrives properly clothed, $5,000 will be added to the pot. If they don't get there in time, they don't get to eat. Oh, man. Bobby could waste away to nothing! Craig might consume a fellow player!
Unfortunately, they are not allowed to take the robes they're wearing, so they must prance through the streets of Santiago in Mole speedos for the guys, and Mole slutsuits for the girls. We knew this day would come, but I don't think any of us expected it to be this soon.
"I designed them myself. Shit just got real, folks."
Before anything starts, Clay and Mark both drop out. "Dignity and self-respect are way more important than money to me," Clay says. Um, you DO know you signed up for a reality show, right? Didn't dignity and self-respect fly out the window ages ago?
So the kids split up into teams and take to the streets. Bobby, Craig, and Nicole are all on a team, and Best Line of the Night once again goes to Craig as he looks at himself and Bobby and declares them to be "a walking impersonation of the number 10." HA! Craig, you're the funniest Mole ever.
Just like Sesame Street!
Second place for best line: random Chilean woman informing Bobby that he doesn't need clothes, he needs food. Daaamn, Bobby. That old woman just schooled your bony ass.
Meanwhile, Team Slutbaggery is making quite the splash on the streets.
ABC: The Family Channel
Victoria explains that all she's wearing is a pair of what she calls "hooker boots", or, as known to me and the rest of the more foul-languaged nation, "fuck me boots". Following a rather disgusting and gratuitous montage of their boobs and asses, the girls attract the attention of a number of men, plus two busfuls of horny high school boys, who proceed to follow them for several blocks. Anyone else waiting for Chris Hanson and Dateline NBC to jump out of the bushes and cry foul on this entire operation?
"You can take my pants! They no longer fit!"
While the girls keep pretending to be offended by the attention, Alex is able to use his fluent Spanish to score some clothes for himself and Paul from some nice cab drivers. Bobby gets a top from someone, and Nicole manages to get a whole outfit, even though part of it is an apron. I bet you anything there will now be an Apron Challenge in the upcoming season of Project Runway. Tim Gunn will squeal with delight over the ruffled pockets. It'll be good fun.
Paul gets some pants, then runs into a fellow New Yorker, who offers up another pair for Alex. After securing a final tie, their outfits are complete, and they are allowed into the restaurant. Over on Team Trampy McHarlot, Ali wants to give up. This is viewed as suspicious by the other girls, but they prod her along and eventually they run into some American guys who give them their shirts. A little later, they meet a woman who gives them all pants. So, much to the dismay of every male in Santiago and the clearly horny producers, the girls are now clothed and are allowed into the restaurant.
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Comments (7)
Thanks for the hilarious recap! I'm not so sure about Craig being the Mole. It's too obvious and insulting in a "this is only way a fat guy could make it through" kind of way. It could be Alex; any guy who knows he's that good looking is suspect, even though he's right. I'm leaning toward Clay. The only thing he has done so far is opt out of the clothing challenge this episode, I think, otherwise, he's been flying under the radar.
1 of 7 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on June 18, 2008 10:27 PM
I have to say I think Clay or Mark is a good bet for the Mole.
And Dr. Whiner just gets on my freaking nerves! I wish every day for her to go away from this show and never return.
But then, I also have an unhealthy love for SmugJon. I know he's not Anderson Cooper, but I love him none-the-less. Is that so wrong?
2 of 7 | Posted by lonebutterflly | Posted on June 19, 2008 6:20 AM
I still got Victoria. Aside from her general game play (and the green thumb on the helmet in the first ep, I'm telling you!!), her behavior during quiz results is too "OMG I'm safe, I didn't think I would be!!"
3 of 7 | Posted by EZ Rider | Posted on June 19, 2008 10:19 AM
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these recaps! Thank you!!
Little tid bit that I caught as I fanatically watched half of the show frame by frame...Craig had a card, already, BEFORE Jon handed them out. Either it was really bad editing, or....
Right after Ali's interview, they go back to a group shot and you see the SHOCK and AWE on Kristen's face and right behind her, Craig is very cool, looking at the card in his hand...
And I love Jon, too! I think his smarminess comes across as thinly veiled ridicule for the whole process and what "he" is putting them through...it makes me giggle. :D
4 of 7 | Posted by kimbubbly | Posted on June 19, 2008 11:20 AM
Just like 98% of the decisions I make, I was wrong once again. I had pegged Bobby b/c all of a sudden King Useless was able to speak Spanish when before in the pig mission he just sat in the wheelbarrow of shame and pretended not to. So I thought ... AA HAA (but in that creepy villian on Scooby Doo way voice) Bobby is now on my list of suspects. And then of course, he was executed (although not the way I had hoped with the last meal, shaved head, priest, protesters, and awaiting pine box) Why did Clay have a card in his shorts and then refuse to participate? Me thinks he knew the clothes were at the laudromat and was trying to sabotage the mission. If statistics hold true, I am wrong again
5 of 7 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 20, 2008 8:14 AM
I miss Bobby already.
Oh, but boring Clay is still there.
I like John Kelly too. He's like a black Anderson Cooper but not as closeted.
6 of 7 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on June 23, 2008 7:58 AM
omg scrooge mcduck silo! lmao. i knew i wasnt the only one out there who remembered that!
7 of 7 | Posted by aidnnme | Posted on June 23, 2008 12:08 PM