This week on The Mole, we learned that the ability to squeeze as many idioms pertaining to the word "pig" into a one hour show is really an acquired talent. Those producers must have been up all night with their phrase dictionaries. "Guys!" one would yell, giddy with Red Bull at three in the morning, "Bring home the BACON! Because bacon is made from a PIG!" "YES!" the others would scream, high fiving all over the room, "It's GENIUS! Let's prepare our Emmy speeches!"
Oh, I kid because I love. Remember, Anderson Cooper was able to pull off all of this good fun with a straight face and a knowing smirk. And that's why he is where he is today.
We begin this week in Santiago, Chile. Nicole returns to the group, telling us in interview that she's going to change her strategy and try to fly under the radar for a while. But Dr. Whiner, how do you expect to be able to conceal all of that blinding beauty you so unnecessarily yammered on about last week?
"BEHOLD THE GORGEOUS! BEHOLD IT!"
Jon tells the group to split themselves up into a team of six who are goal-oriented, and a team of two who look at life as an uphill battle. Craig the Fattie and Liz the Old Bag immediately deem their sorry existences as daily and futile struggles by volunteering for the latter team, already lost on the fact that these little assignments are always euphemisms for whatever hellish torture the task may be. Have these people ever SEEN this show?
Someone (I'd rather not admit it was Nicole) points out that healthy people should probably be the ones running uphill, rather than the obese and/or elderly. After a vote, for some reason, it is decided that Mark the Weeping History Teacher and Kristen the Plastic Brain Surgeon will do the uphill battle. King Jon the Smug snivels out a comment about their lengthy discussion. Oh, Jon. We're not going to get along, are we. I enjoy the snark from Jeff Probst and Phil Koeghan, but you're already pissing me off. You, good sir, are no Anderson Cooper.
"Judging."
So the task. The Uphill team has to ride a tandem bicycle up a big hill. If they get there before the other team, they will earn exemptions for themselves. The Goal-Oriented folk have to play a twenty-minute game of soccer. Once they score a goal, they can hop into some gondolas and race to the summit, thereby adding $35,000 to the pot. But they'll be playing against one of the city's toughest teams, SmugJon adds. I immediately know - thanks to the many, many Bravo shows that have featured such a twist - that this team will be comprised of children. But I guess no one else does. They just stand there, smiling like idiots. I pity them.
"Where are we? Is this Survivor? Where's Jeff Probst? What's a gondola?"
Bobby and Alex begin bragging about their mad soccer skills. And by skills I mean that they played in high school. Yeah okay, I made a really bitchin' dog out of clay in high school, but you don't see me boasting about my amazing ability to sculpt the likenesses of various woodland creatures. These PEOPLE.
So they run off to the field and discover that the opposing team is, unsurprisingly, a bunch of kids. They immediately start congratulating themselves on their impending victory, with the exception of Craig, who briefly worries about getting kicked in the balls. I didn't even know you could say "balls" on ABC. Craig the Fattie, pushing the decency standards envelope.
The game begins and of course, the kids kick major ass. Well, duh. They're A) Chilean, B) are already a team, and C) play this game every waking moment of their lives. How on earth is anyone surprised that they're beating a rag-tag team of uncoordinated Americans? Part of me wants the underdogs to win, but the other part of me really wants some random brat to just start whaling on Craig's balls for no reason at all.
Mark and Kristen are making slow progress. Every time they start getting into a rhythm, the bike chain breaks and they have to stop and fix it. Eventually they give up and just start walking, ever on the lookout for a pair of vintage 1704 blue jeans.
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Comments (8)
Great Recap and isn't nice of them to provide you with all that material? What a bunch of maroons!! I cannot stand Dr. Winer. Watch Bobby turn out to be the mole, he certainly does his share of slowing everybody down. I don't think he is, but how funny would that be. I can't imagine that he can be that frail and still be on the show. You would think they'd have to pass physicals before they let them do these crazy challenges. He's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Right now I'm thinking that it the blonde girl (can't remember her name), the one who rode the tandem bike with the teacher. But I am sure I'll be flip flopping back and forth all season.
1 of 8 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on June 12, 2008 9:40 AM
Yeah, um, Bobby has an eating disorder. A serious one. You don't pass a physical with any other condition that causes you to be that frail and void of energy.
2 of 8 | Posted by EZ Rider | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:18 AM
I am loving this season already!! I never thought I would ever laugh as hard as I did at the whole wheelbarrow/Bobby catastrophe, that is until this recap - BRAVO! I think you picked up all my favorite high points. The footage of Bobby in the wheelbarrow followed by Craig running behind was priceless!!! However, I don't mind the host - he has some big shoes to fill and I think we should give him a chance. I just bought Celebrity Mole in Hawaii on DVD for my husband's brithday - I could watch that a million times - it is soooo good. LOVE THE MOLE!!!
3 of 8 | Posted by eellsinoc | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:44 AM
Great recap (as per usual) but the retail comment and argument with Bobby in the hotel was Victoria (she of the Moe from 3 stooges bowl cut up front and the long silk look from the back) not Nicole. I think the Mole has got to be Bobby or Craig because they are both idiots and would never pass the test. I think the two of them should do a remake of "Of Mice and Men" I actually like the host. I admire ANYBODY who can talk to that merry band of wasted sperm without having fits of laughter. They are seriously more like a bunch of Big Brother contestants
4 of 8 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:57 AM
"They are seriously more like a bunch of Big Brother contestants"
couldn't have possibly phrased that better.
and im convinced the mole is victoria.
5 of 8 | Posted by intense | Posted on June 12, 2008 1:33 PM
I thought the end was so stupid, yet hilarious at the same time. "I can do it without leaving forensic evidence."
Yeah...like they need forensic evidence when you just said you would kill him on national TV.
6 of 8 | Posted by Bloodbath | Posted on June 12, 2008 3:38 PM
I think Nicole claiming to be a doctor is an act. She's too ghetto to be a doctor. Doctor's don't threaten to kill people.
I liked it when Craig was talking about his balls. I hope he uses the word "nuts" next time.
Aren't Anderson Cooper and the new host both in the "CLOSET?"
7 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on June 13, 2008 1:25 PM
"I think Nicole claiming to be a doctor is an act. She's too ghetto to be a doctor. Doctor's don't threaten to kill people."
Nicole is defiantly a doctor and I loved when she made that statement. The guy is annoying and always talking sh*t about her. I cant put the link in the reply, but wiki has a link.
"Nicole Williams, M.D.
Attended undergrad at the University of Illinois and obtained degrees in Bochemistry & English Literature. She went on to study medicine at Loyola University. She interned at Wayne State University in Detroit and completed her residency at St. Joseph's Hospital in Chicago. While a resident she presented a poster at the ACGME conference entitled "Building a Failure Mode and Effects Analysis in Labor and Delivery". She sits on the International Committee of American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Her interests include: Dysfunctional Uterine bleeding, Sexual Dysfunction and International Medicine."
"and im convinced the mole is victoria."
I am pretty sure the Mole is Craig.
First episode:
#11 on the journal put that number in our heads so we would get this right
E_E_E_
11th person in intro was Craig. After going over the waterfall Craig said: "the rope just goes taut and chokes me like a hanged man.
E_E_E_ = hangman
mobile clue:
NIC @ IT = NICATIT = TITANIC
On the boat on the way to the island for scavenger game, Craig is in the very front of the boat with his arms stretched out like in the movie Titanic.
During the scavenger hunt game, the host mentioned that Robinson Crusoe was based on Alexander Selkirk. If you google that name you will find that his name at birth was Alexander Selcraig. Pretty big coincidence there.
And don't forget who brought over the big sign that said someone was going home that night. Craig.
Episode 2:
Everyone was on Bobby for being in the wheelbarrow (where he never should have been at all) but it was Craig that suggested it. In his confessional thing Craig says: I noticed Bobby limping so I told him to get in the wheelbarrow.
The mole would do this to slow the team down so that only 2 teams were looking for pigs. I have yet to figure out why he helped when they got back and took over for Victoria, unless it was to ease a little suspicion from himself or maybe he figured they needed SOMETHING in the pot or people would start giving up. IDK
At all other times in both episodes, Craig has been wearing his glasses, but he did not have them when they arrived for the pig challenge and did not have them the entire time. He did have them back on later though. Maybe they are just clear lenses and doesn't really need them? This could be lying with his eyes.
I haven't went through the second episode good enough yet to have any ideas about the new clues but hopefully I will be back to post something.
In the first episode intro Craig is the only one without any type of graphics(the circly things) next to his name or hometown. The text doesn't change either. Plus he's a graphic artist. Now the episode 2's intro DOES have the circles and animation on his intro, it all but proves they knew it was different from the rest and purposely made it that way.
8 of 8 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on June 13, 2008 3:03 PM