Back at the soccer game, Bobby the Wimp can't run. And how could he, with legs that exhibit the approximate circumferences of Oscar Meyer wieners? I immediately tire of his physical-activity whining, but seeing as how it will be the CONSTANT AND UNYIELDING THEME of this episode and possibly the whole season, we'd better get used to it.
Look, a praying mantis! Wait no, it's just Bobby.
At a humiliating score of 14-0, with one goal scored on their own goal by Craig (at least the guy can run, eh BOBBY?), the twenty minutes is up, and the team is to now get one last shot by taking some penalty kicks. Ali the Model scores and the teams receives their tickets to the gondola. (Side note: I really hope Ali isn't the Mole, because that would make this the third season in a row that it turned out to be the Token Model. Yeah yeah, pretty people can be stealthy too, we get it.) The team runs off, with Clay stopping briefly to molest a small child.
No means no, Clay.
Mark and Kristen continue huffing and puffing up the hill, only to run into Smugatron sitting under an umbrella with a table full of refreshments. He snidely offers them a deal: take a taxi to the top of the hill, and take $5,000 out of the pot. Mark immediately blows him off and keeps on trucking up the hill. Kristen doesn't seem to have an opinion one way or the other. Although it is my opinion that Kristen looks exactly like the blond woman "scientist" from the Pumaman episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Anyone with me on that?
The soccer failures slooowly make their way to the top in their jaunty gondolas, and as they cross the finish line together the big question is whether or not Mark and Kristen have already gotten there. Smuggy gestures to the top of the hill, and after a suspenseful ten minute pause, Mark and Kristen emerge from the bushes.
At lunch, Paul attacks Bobby for his uselessness, yelling that you can't claim to be a great soccer player if you can not, in fact, run. Because, you know, running is sort of a big part of soccer, and by a big part I mean the ENTIRE part. Bobby's only defense is that he kicked the ball really far. What are you, seven? Eventually he just starts sulking really hard, which I really enjoy. In fact, the more Bobby sulks, the happier I feel. I should make it my screensaver.
Later on in the hotel room, the team continues to fight with each other. Paul continues to smarmily needle his teammates, telling off Victoria with a truly inspired "Screw you! How bout that?" They keep fighting back and forth and it gets really heated, so they'll probably be sleeping together by the end of this season. Paul just sits there and mugs for the camera and reaffirms his status as Token Asshole. I gotta say, I'm getting really sick of the Token Asshole always being the Token Outspoken Obnoxious Italian Dude From Brooklyn Named Paul Or Paulie. Reality television has done far more damage to Italian-American stereotypes than The Sopranos ever did.
"Where's my pasta fazoool??"
Oh, and Victoria takes us out to commercial with a hilarious "I'm used to people like that. I work in retail." Sing it, sister. I once was working a cash register and a woman came in and demanded that I give her change to purchase a tampon RIGHT NOW or so help her God, she would bleed all over the floor. Charming industry, that retail.
The next morning, in a village called Pomaire, the team gets their next mission. They are led to an arena and told by Lord Smugly that one of Pomaire's best potters has lost fifty of her little ceramic piggy banks. The Mole has left one of those delightfully corny ransom notes that says that the day they find them all will be the day that pigs fly. Get it? Eh? "FIND THOSE PIGS!" Smugface screams. Then, with a foppish flourish, adds, "Bring home the bacon!" I gotta give it to him, he commits to the bit. Anderson always read such lines sardonically, with a hilariously understated eye roll. God, I miss him.
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Comments (8)
Great Recap and isn't nice of them to provide you with all that material? What a bunch of maroons!! I cannot stand Dr. Winer. Watch Bobby turn out to be the mole, he certainly does his share of slowing everybody down. I don't think he is, but how funny would that be. I can't imagine that he can be that frail and still be on the show. You would think they'd have to pass physicals before they let them do these crazy challenges. He's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Right now I'm thinking that it the blonde girl (can't remember her name), the one who rode the tandem bike with the teacher. But I am sure I'll be flip flopping back and forth all season.
1 of 8 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on June 12, 2008 9:40 AM
Yeah, um, Bobby has an eating disorder. A serious one. You don't pass a physical with any other condition that causes you to be that frail and void of energy.
2 of 8 | Posted by EZ Rider | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:18 AM
I am loving this season already!! I never thought I would ever laugh as hard as I did at the whole wheelbarrow/Bobby catastrophe, that is until this recap - BRAVO! I think you picked up all my favorite high points. The footage of Bobby in the wheelbarrow followed by Craig running behind was priceless!!! However, I don't mind the host - he has some big shoes to fill and I think we should give him a chance. I just bought Celebrity Mole in Hawaii on DVD for my husband's brithday - I could watch that a million times - it is soooo good. LOVE THE MOLE!!!
3 of 8 | Posted by eellsinoc | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:44 AM
Great recap (as per usual) but the retail comment and argument with Bobby in the hotel was Victoria (she of the Moe from 3 stooges bowl cut up front and the long silk look from the back) not Nicole. I think the Mole has got to be Bobby or Craig because they are both idiots and would never pass the test. I think the two of them should do a remake of "Of Mice and Men" I actually like the host. I admire ANYBODY who can talk to that merry band of wasted sperm without having fits of laughter. They are seriously more like a bunch of Big Brother contestants
4 of 8 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 12, 2008 10:57 AM
"They are seriously more like a bunch of Big Brother contestants"
couldn't have possibly phrased that better.
and im convinced the mole is victoria.
5 of 8 | Posted by intense | Posted on June 12, 2008 1:33 PM
I thought the end was so stupid, yet hilarious at the same time. "I can do it without leaving forensic evidence."
Yeah...like they need forensic evidence when you just said you would kill him on national TV.
6 of 8 | Posted by Bloodbath | Posted on June 12, 2008 3:38 PM
I think Nicole claiming to be a doctor is an act. She's too ghetto to be a doctor. Doctor's don't threaten to kill people.
I liked it when Craig was talking about his balls. I hope he uses the word "nuts" next time.
Aren't Anderson Cooper and the new host both in the "CLOSET?"
7 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on June 13, 2008 1:25 PM
"I think Nicole claiming to be a doctor is an act. She's too ghetto to be a doctor. Doctor's don't threaten to kill people."
Nicole is defiantly a doctor and I loved when she made that statement. The guy is annoying and always talking sh*t about her. I cant put the link in the reply, but wiki has a link.
"Nicole Williams, M.D.
Attended undergrad at the University of Illinois and obtained degrees in Bochemistry & English Literature. She went on to study medicine at Loyola University. She interned at Wayne State University in Detroit and completed her residency at St. Joseph's Hospital in Chicago. While a resident she presented a poster at the ACGME conference entitled "Building a Failure Mode and Effects Analysis in Labor and Delivery". She sits on the International Committee of American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Her interests include: Dysfunctional Uterine bleeding, Sexual Dysfunction and International Medicine."
"and im convinced the mole is victoria."
I am pretty sure the Mole is Craig.
First episode:
#11 on the journal put that number in our heads so we would get this right
E_E_E_
11th person in intro was Craig. After going over the waterfall Craig said: "the rope just goes taut and chokes me like a hanged man.
E_E_E_ = hangman
mobile clue:
NIC @ IT = NICATIT = TITANIC
On the boat on the way to the island for scavenger game, Craig is in the very front of the boat with his arms stretched out like in the movie Titanic.
During the scavenger hunt game, the host mentioned that Robinson Crusoe was based on Alexander Selkirk. If you google that name you will find that his name at birth was Alexander Selcraig. Pretty big coincidence there.
And don't forget who brought over the big sign that said someone was going home that night. Craig.
Episode 2:
Everyone was on Bobby for being in the wheelbarrow (where he never should have been at all) but it was Craig that suggested it. In his confessional thing Craig says: I noticed Bobby limping so I told him to get in the wheelbarrow.
The mole would do this to slow the team down so that only 2 teams were looking for pigs. I have yet to figure out why he helped when they got back and took over for Victoria, unless it was to ease a little suspicion from himself or maybe he figured they needed SOMETHING in the pot or people would start giving up. IDK
At all other times in both episodes, Craig has been wearing his glasses, but he did not have them when they arrived for the pig challenge and did not have them the entire time. He did have them back on later though. Maybe they are just clear lenses and doesn't really need them? This could be lying with his eyes.
I haven't went through the second episode good enough yet to have any ideas about the new clues but hopefully I will be back to post something.
In the first episode intro Craig is the only one without any type of graphics(the circly things) next to his name or hometown. The text doesn't change either. Plus he's a graphic artist. Now the episode 2's intro DOES have the circles and animation on his intro, it all but proves they knew it was different from the rest and purposely made it that way.
8 of 8 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on June 13, 2008 3:03 PM