After a lengthy recap of the entire season, we are welcomed by Jon to the finale of The Mole, in what I can only assume is his gigantic mystery mansion. It would be so like Jon Kelley to host it on his turf. You know he's got booby traps around every corner and a probably a werewolf stashed in the bathroom.

Everyone is there, including a very sour-looking Marcie.

"Was I even on this show?"

Of course, every reality show season finale is basically a glorified clip show, and this is no exception. We get a montage for each of the final players outlining exactly how suspicious they all are and how many missions they sabotaged, along with the added bonus of hearing Jon croon the phrase "dubious deeeeeds". I like how this is one of the weird quirks of this game, that pretty much anyone could be a saboteur. At times, it seems like there doesn't even need to be a Mole. People can just be really incompetent on their own.

But wait. Let's break for a moment to fully admire Liz, who looks absolutely radiant in her bitchin' Mole fingerprint earrings.

"I wear them to bingo!"

We then get an amusing montage about Bobby. We begin with his application video, where he brags bout his athletic prowess and runs up a set of stairs. Impressive lookalike robot, Bobby. We then get every single clip of Bobby being a superwimp and the requisite close-ups of his withered twig legs, culminating in his humiliating downfall into the dregs of a wheelbarrow. After it's over and everyone has a good and hearty laugh at the expense of Bobby's weakness, he attempts to explain himself by saying that he overdid it on the first day and that his body just crapped out from then on and he needed medication and blah blah blah. Everyone laughs some more, and Jon says "We kid because we love". Ten bucks says Bobby hurled himself off the nearest cliff as soon as they finished taping this.

Bobby, moments before he because exhausted from sitting in the chair and plummeted to the floor.

Okay, enough of these wacky shenanigans. Time to get down to business. Mark, Nicole, and Craig are all locked in their own respective closets, and only Jon posses the sole key that may release the winner. Kinky, Jon. He slides the keys through slots in the doors, gives them the signal, and one door opens to reveal...Mark! Yay Mark wins yay!! He says that the reason he did this is so that his wife will no longer have to work and can now stay home with the kids, and then celebrates in typical Rain Main fashion, all awkward and adorable.

"This money will buy so many boxers from K-Mart!"

And now comes the really fun part. Jon hands Mark the key that will open up the door to the Mole. Mark uses the key, opens the door, and the Mole is...Keyser Soze! I KNEW it!

Oh no, sorry. The Mole is Craig.

And he got a heck of a deal at Men's Wearhouse! You're gonna like the way you look!

The other players all go apeshit, while Nicole sulks in her closet.

Uh, we seem to have lost the key, Nicole...sorry...

Craig says a lot of nice stuff to Mark about how he was built for this game and played it perfectly and totally deserved to win. Aw. Nicole is then released from her Fortress of High Bitchitude and sneers to Jon that the whole thing was...interesting. Ugh. Be gone from my sights, wench.

Oh, not yet. First a montage of how she became the Mole's final victim. Nothing too new here, just a lot of "isn't Nicole crazy" clips plus the now-beloved Death Threat. It then turns into the story of her and Paul's rivalry, and we find out that Paul had Craig pegged right form the beginning, and used his gigantic mouth and supreme assclownery to distract the other players and divert them away from suspecting Craig. Nicole, on the other hand, always suspected the wrong person but was very quick with her quizzes, so she always escaped, only to be forced to rework her strategy each time. Eventually she targeted Kristen, Alex, and Craig, evenly splitting them until only Craig was left.

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Posted in The Mole by Screampiller at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: Mr Dangerous on Aug 17, 2008 02:01 PM.