Everyone enjoy your week-long vacation from The Mole? I sure did. That was the most productive week I've ever had. But eventually I came to miss the smug tones of Jon Kelly, the hideous visage of a gasping Craig, the frantic, tortured ramblings of our beloved Mark. Back at it, you crazy kids!
We rejoin the players, still in Mendooooza, at a vineyard, which just so happens to be smack dab in the middle of wine country. Amusingly, Clay notes that - contrary to his previous beliefs that vineyards would smell delicious - this one actually stinks. And this really seems to offend him for some reason.
"My delicate sensibilities!"
Their first mission is ridiculously convoluted, as always. These writers certainly don't have the lowly television blogger in mind when they're concocting these things. The players split themselves up into two groups: the Thinkers (Nicole, Craig, and - ha - Paul), and the Runners (Mark, Alex, and Clay). Within these groups, Mark is selected as the best athlete, and Paul is selected as the - ha - best communicator. The deal is that seven wine bottles are hidden throughout the vineyard. The thinkers are to solve a series of riddles, and the multiple choice answers correspond to a set of coordinates. Paul is to relay these coordinates to Alex and Clay, who will find the bottles. Meanwhile, Mark will be running on a treadmill, and for every bottle they find, a malicious and wildly cackling Jon will increase the speed. If Mark gives up, the game is over. Jon is practically shitting himself with excitement.
"VINEYARRRRD!!"
And so the challenge begins. The riddles are fun, mostly math and logic, except for the classic "which month has 28 days" chestnut. Is there an eight-year-old alive who doesn't know the answer to that? Despite the solid brain trust of Nicole and Craig (Paul is not allowed to - ha - help), they still manage to fudge some up pretty good, but luckily Mark (who is allowed to help) is there to steer them right. Clay and Alex have some trouble finding the first bottle, but once they do they get the hang of it and start picking them up everywhere as Paul radios the coordinates.
The real question here should be "Which is the best date to stage Jon's intervention?"
Long story short, the challenge goes pretty well, though it's not without its snags. Paul and Nicole go at it like cats and dogs again, once again cementing my wish for their mutual destruction. Paul makes one mistake in the coordinates but quickly fixes it, Nicole and Craig throw out a couple wrong answers but Mark is there to save the day, and Clay and Alex find the bottles with no small amount of panache. In fact, with the lovely colors in the vineyard, they look like they could be a part of some sort of an impressionist painting.
Alex Lilies
In the end, after Mark has successfully stayed on the treadmill the entire time, the players bring in all the bottles for a total of $70,000, the most they have ever made in one mission. Later on in the hotel, Paul bitches about Nicole some more, saying that he doesn't even think she's a real doctor, and if she is, then he feels sorry for her patients. Haha. Trust me - now that this show has aired, I think we can all be confident that Nicole no longer has any patients.
Meanwhile, Mark and Clay concoct a harebrained scheme to get Alex as loaded as possible for the next quiz, as he is apparently a notorious fan of hitting the bottle. And as silly as this is, I actually think it's a pretty good plan. Nefarious, but a good plan nonetheless. How has no one thought of it before? I guess Anderson probably always smuggled everything away for himself.
The next day, the players are led out onto a bridge spanning a gorge and are shocked and appalled to learn that they will be bungee jumping. Good God. This phenomenon happens on every show, and I've never understood it. Reality show contestants, you've SEEN reality shows before, right? You knew when you auditioned that there would be some sort of skydiving or bungee jumping or shark wrestling or some other extreme sport involved in this? And yet you have the gall to act surprised? You're KILLING me. Anyway, the players must jump off the bridge and toss a sack (of tea, according to Jon and his ridiculous story lines) onto a target that has different amounts of money on it, which will then go into the pot.
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Comments (14)
Great recap, Screampiller! I adore SmugJon. :)
To clear up one of your comments - there was a reason it was spelled "The Grapes of Cache". A cache (pronouced "cash") is a hidden item (usually a ammo box or film cannister) that you can hunt for using GPS devices. It's called geocaching, and one of the best websites is geocaching.com. It's becoming a pretty popular family sport - I have two kids and our family does it every weekend (and sometimes on my lunch break at work)!
I am all aboard your Clay theory - I leaned towards Mark until he pretty much single-handly won the Vineyard challenge. Geez - he managed to stay on the treadmill AND answer most of the questions! (At least I can feel good about his ability as a teacher and coach!)
Keep up the excellent writing, you crack me up!
1 of 14 | Posted by LoneButterfly | Posted on July 18, 2008 3:09 PM
Screampillar, you took the words right out of my mouth! I was screaming at the TV this week, saying "You always bid $1! $1! Haven't you idiots ever watched The Price is Right!" Glad to know I was alone.
Great recap! Keep them coming!
2 of 14 | Posted by Elsisi | Posted on July 18, 2008 3:14 PM
Jon Kelly is getting more handsome ever time I see him.
The Mole is not Mark.
The Mole is not Paul.
The Mole is not Craig.
I want big fat Craig to win.
3 of 14 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on July 18, 2008 3:37 PM
Great recap! Very funny as usual! I have a quick question though...
When they were doing the bungie jumping challenge, why did those towards the end of the line guess amounts so high? It looked like they were all outside watching it, so shouldn't they have know what the others had/hadn't accumulated? Any thoughts?
4 of 14 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on July 18, 2008 3:59 PM
Hey Screampillar --
I believe that's the name I see as the author of this site. Want to give you huge props for brilliant and classic recaps. Nice work.
Somebody recommended I check out your gift of storytelling, insight and ability to turn a catchy/sarcastic phrase. I must admit it's been entertaining reading... I'm both amused and happy I dropped in.
Your sense of humor is wicked and appreciated. I dig the nicknames you've bestowed upon me -- possibly w/ the exception of d-bag. But I don't take it personally.... I know it's wrapped in love.... happy you dig the show.
From one smug author to another. Enjoy the rest of the season... cheers to your quest for the Moley Grail.
Stay cool and stay tuned.
Peace - Jon Kelley
5 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on July 18, 2008 8:09 PM
Yo, almost forgot......
In the last episode I didn't say:
"I did it. In the dark." when referring to jumping off the bridge.
Verbatim, my response to Paul announcing he didn't see me jumping was:
"Actually, I did. And I hit the target."
Honest mistake, Scream... I'll let is slide. Figured you wanted your facts right.
You were, however, correct on a related observation:
I did deliver it in my very smuggest.
Peace - JK
6 of 14 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on July 18, 2008 8:21 PM
Please, please, please let those above posts be legit....I LOVE IT!!! I am loving this season and my whole family is hooked...now that my kids are older and can enjoy it (14, 13, 11)
7 of 14 | Posted by eellsinoc | Posted on July 18, 2008 11:07 PM
I highly doubt those posts are legit...Just some bored person with way too much time on their hands...
8 of 14 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on July 19, 2008 1:07 AM
I Googled those letters and numbers and came up with two different pigment colors, orange and yellow. That makes me want to rethink my choice of Mark as the mole, and perhaps go with Clay? I would guess those colors are used to make bricks, right?
9 of 14 | Posted by monkeedo1956 | Posted on July 19, 2008 1:44 AM
N2O definitely is a clue to who is the mole; no other reason to show it in closeup. BUT it could have another meaning besides Nitrous Oxide gas -
N20 could mean November 20 which is Craig's birthdate.
10 of 14 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on July 19, 2008 1:48 PM
Henry Lagarde clue in the journal, i think HL just stands for Henry Lagarde.
The Mole's Journal has the coordinate: 34.05N, 118.25W
That gives you a location in Los Angeles, California.
I was on the boards at ABC and someone found out that a building at those coordinates is named, Paul Hastings Tower. People over there have a lot of clues pointing towards Paul.
I've only had Craig and Clay on my list, I don't really want to have to now consider Paul too.
11 of 14 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on July 19, 2008 1:57 PM
The Mole journal points to someone who:
- doesn't like grapes (but I think all the players have been seen drinking wine)
- learned Spanish in school
- possibly paid for cab fare (there is a receipt)
- was blindfolded going down luge (journal was changed online)
- and seemed to think the llama costume was funny
Of the 5 remaining:
Blindfolded: Clay, Paul
Not: Nicole, Mark, Craig
12 of 14 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on July 19, 2008 2:03 PM
Just Jesse:
I thought the same thing abuot the players at the end.. esp. Nicole -- she must have known that no one got anything, except possibly alex.. or I guess not, actually. I'da been all "$1, Bob-I-Mean-Jon". of course, i really wouldn't have been even able to understand what was being said to me at that point, being on a board over a ravine. I LOL'd at alex's take on him not hearing anything, then the ed's making jon's voice all slow-mo incomprehensible.. so sad alex is gone.. i was really liking him. he said somethingi so funny this ep, and now i can't remeber it. it was similar to the ep where he said "You're mean in Argentina, Jon." a copule eps back.. lol. .shoot, may have to find it online and post again.
13 of 14 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on July 19, 2008 5:34 PM
okay. rewatched and alex said when clay went "I miss you already." aww. i will miss him. i like craigs "I'm not a good dangler, Jon" too.. if i were nicole, really would have guessed $1, just assuming no one would have gotten much, and then tossed the bag elsewhere. oh well. she didn't need it anyway. :(
14 of 14 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on July 19, 2008 6:06 PM