Hello again, folks. Again, apologies for the lateness, but now I am back from vacation and promise all sorts of up-to-the-minute Mole-y goodness. You don't want to miss out on a single second of my completely off-base, totally wrong commentary.
We begin this week with a Buenos Aires montage that - hey, there's a giant clock that says "Paul" on it! I scream this to my living room. Viewing partner rolls his eyes. Moving on. SmugJon sure is at his smuggest today, and is also once again ready for a scuba expedition.
"Does my wetsuit turn you on?"
Jon points out that they are at an abandoned mill. I suppose that Lassie will arrive to save Timmy at any moment. After an unnecessarily complicated breaking-up process, the teams are Mark and Paul, and Nicole and Craig (again). Craig and Paul are to complete a series of simple tasks, but with one catch: Craig and Paul will be wearing some sort of fancy goggles, while Nicole and Mark will have video cameras and will be controlling what Craig and Paul see. Oh, and the images will be reversed. Oh, and they won't be able to talk to each other. Oh, and they'll all be on fire.
The first challenge is for Paul to play with a child's toy, wherein he must put colorful plastic shapes into a colorful plastic box. And out of NOWHERE, SmugJon decides to bust out his very best Sesame Street voice. Rising his tone up into a register that only dogs can hear, he patiently and slowly recites the directions to the two, throwing in as much condescension as humanly possible. Oh, and he can't resist throwing his smarmy head into the shot as often as he can. This is gonna be fun.
"BEHOLD ME!"
Once he's done with his Elmo impression, he immediately drops back down into that booming baritone to blare "IT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT SEEMS!" Haha. Someone give this guy an Emmy. Meanwhile, Paul says in voiceover that if there's anyone he would want to be his reverse eyes, it would be Mark. Yeah, I've often thought of who I would want to be my reverse eyes. I lose sleep over it nightly.
Paul begins the task, one that I'm sure is making the dyslexics in the audience weep with reckless abandon. Whenever he messes up, he blames it on some fictional feedback, which is a stupid strategy, but whatever. He gets all three blocks in and earns $3,000. Nicole and Craig are up next, and - dammit, Jon! Get out of the shot!
Jon "You Can Pry The Spotlight From My Cold, Dead Hands" Kelley
Nicole isn't so good at aiming the camera, and complains that, as a laparoscopic surgeon, she would have been able to do this easily. Craig, meanwhile, is doing okay, but then asks if he's on the right track and Nicole actually answers. Which means that they will only earn two grand instead of three. Hmm. A form of sabotage ripped straight from the pages of the Mole handbook. The evidence pointing to Craig is getting harder and harder to ignore.
A soccer challenge is next, and both Paul and Craig fail at kicking a ball into a net. Up next is a tea party, wherein Paul and Craig must pour four cups of tea, without spilling any onto the table or saucers, and must get the unidentifiable liquid up to a certain line. How very Double Dare. Jon ducks his head into the camera once again, and this time suffers the consequences, as Paul reaches out to grab his swollen-with-smug head. "DO NOT TOUCH THE HOST!" Jon bellows, flames shooting from his eyes.
"I WILL DESTROY YOU!"
Paul pours three cups but spills on the last one, so only gets money for two. Craig also pours three, but spills on two of them because he bumped into the table. Oh fat Mole, what crazy hijinks will you get up to next??
Finally, Paul and Craig must walk across a narrow plank of wood from one rooftop to another, pick up a piece of chalk in the middle, then write "The Mole Was Here" on a chalkboard. Paul freaks out a little once the camera is turned on, but he makes it across the plank and over to the board, where he writes "Mole Was Here", then at the last second notices the "The" and writes it in. Weird thing: I thought the camera was in reverse? Yet in these shots the words are written normally. Jon, please to explain.
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Comments (8)
OK, is it just me? This mole has to be the worst mole in the history of moledom. Haven't they racked up, like, over 300,000 dollars?
Bet the producers wish they'd picked someone else.
And it's down to three, and I, too, have no idea who the mole is.
How much does the mole get paid, anyway?
1 of 8 | Posted by mullymoon | Posted on August 4, 2008 10:46 AM
This is my first season watching - did they rack up significantly less in the pot in previous seasons?
2 of 8 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on August 4, 2008 11:01 AM
"This is my first season watching - did they rack up significantly less in the pot in previous seasons?"
Season 1: $510,000
Season 2: $636,000
Season 3: $233,000(celebrity)
Season 4: $222,000(celebrity)
Current S5: $368,500
3 of 8 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on August 4, 2008 1:02 PM
"and Nicole doesn't say who she's onto but pretty much accuses everyone."
Actually, Nicole told Clay that she was going for Craig and Clay said the same thing. However, in an interview (after the show) Clay said he was lying to Nicole. I think Nicole is more observant than Clay and Paul and was able to answer more questions correctly than them.
4 of 8 | Posted by asmaj | Posted on August 4, 2008 1:40 PM
I thought this season had racked up less money then the previous traditional seasons.
I would love for it to be Mark, it would kill me with laughter. Just don't think it's going to happen, though.
5 of 8 | Posted by bentley1101 | Posted on August 4, 2008 6:33 PM
Welcome back, Screampiller.
Sounds like you enjoyed an exotic and well deserved weekend to recharge your wit, wisdom and sarcastic repertoire.
Another couple of recaps well done... I had to drop back in to get caught up.
Another 2 rounds of slaying me... the dramatization account of how I would've voiced over Paul tossing my azz through the train window was pure brilliance. Or as Clay remarked this season about the assigning of Paul and Nicole to the llama suit -- your comment was boarder line Shakespearean. I admit the first of many laugh out loud moments. The Armani pants line... strong. And strangely accurate.
Thank you for another entertaining couple of reads. Definitely worth the wait. I'm happy my smug-slash-
Elmo voice (another good call) alteration made the comedy at least a little reciprocal.
I will close letting you know I appreciate your warm welcome in the previous recap. I realize you have your doubts it's me. Understandable in this world of the wide web. But because I cannot leave a blood or dental test here, I will try to add some validity to my post here on your humble recap.
Check my blog this week. At this writing, it's not posted yet for EP 509. Probably won't post until tomorrow. Which happens to be my birthday. I'm thinking a blog preview will possibly prove I'm who I say I am. Based on your killer effort all season, it's the least I can do.
If the network didn't edit it, you will see one or all of the following:
1) me making a reference to this being an election year
2) me being amused at some ABC Mole message board comments
3) a Kobe Bryant analogy
4) I mention Mark and Craig "dirty dancing"
5) my leather jacket
6) Nicole "salty"
And if all else fails, I can tell you what I'm planning to wear in the finale. Black on black... no tie.
That's all I got for ya, smooth writer.
Stay cool and stay tuned.
Peace, JK
6 of 8 | Posted by spacecowboy | Posted on August 4, 2008 8:07 PM
Can I just point out that if SmugJon actually DOES ever decide to visit TVgasm and comment - he will very quickly rise in my favorite hosts of all times list. I never thought I would be able to love him as much as I loved Anderson from S1, and now, I find myself sad that there's only one hour left to spend with him. :(
I think the highlight of the entire season of SmugJon for me was when he told Paul "no touching the host". I had to pause my DVR I was laughing so damn hard.
Based on last night's episode, it's got to be Craig or Mark. I actually don't care at this point if Mark is the Mole or the Winner, I just want him to get SOMETHING. He's been my favorite player since the premiere.
(p.s. - while I cannot validate the timing of SmugJon's blog posting - the person who left comments certianly hit more than one nail on the head.)
7 of 8 | Posted by LoneButterfly | Posted on August 5, 2008 5:51 AM
Sorry. I stand(sit) corrected.
Must have been thinking about the celeb editions.
I still don't have a clue.
8 of 8 | Posted by mullymoon | Posted on August 5, 2008 2:35 PM