TVgasm Recaps

It's been a tough life for Adriana La Cerva. Two of her uncles and one cousin have bit the dust. Her best friend tried to steal her fiance, and her other best friend turned out to be a Fed. Adding insult to injury, she's got a colon that won't stop and her dog Cosette was smothered to death under Christopher's ass. Well, luckily Nani La Cerv was put out of her misery Sunday night when Silvio offed her in one of the more memorable whackings in the Soprano's tome.

Another year, another Sopranos finale. This year has been difficult to sum up. The show has taken us on some fairly odd tangents this year, but has provided us with our share of moments. Before tonight's show, we were left contemplating the death of Adriana LaCerva and the impending war between the Brooklyn and New Jersey families, brought on by the postal actions of one Tony Blundetto. While the episode started off slow, we were treated with a beating, a whacking, and even a Meadow sighting. About the only people left out were Janice and Artie.

New Jersey can finally sleep soundly. The brewing mob war that promised to escalate into full-fledged chaos came to a swift end in last night's season finale of The Sopranos. Tony finally grew some cajones and shot his cousin, Tony B., in the head, effectively ending a growing feud between him and Johnny Sack. Well, the Feds helped too when they swooped out of nowhere and took down the New York crime boss and the rest of his family. Meanwhile, Carmella and company settled back into suburban bliss with Papa Bear back at home. And yes, I'm tipping my hat to David Chase's omnipresent ursine symbolism this season.

What are you lookin' at you fuckin mook?

Well, according to Michael Starr at the NYPOST ONLINE (subscription required), you could be looking at the new season of THE SOPRANOS as soon as March 2006.

The ads started running this past weekend on HBO, but to my knowledge this is the first a date has been mentioned. As someone who never got into the series, I couldn't care less. But as someone who fears the mob on account of a past-due debt, I thought I should mention something about a show which shows the stereotype of the mob and not the accurate depiction of decent human beings, who are caring, motivated, charming, well hung, organized and certainly willing to give me 2 more weeks.

Why did I bet on the SUNS!?

For NYPOST article w/o subscription, simply read it after the jump.

To tell you the truth, I hope that I didn't have to remind anybody that the sixth and possibly final season of The Sopranos is starting next month (Check local listings). The Sopranos is one of the best showcases for original series on premium cable. Although it has never had to go up against the juggernaut that is Desperate Housewives it has always enjoyed one of the most loyal followings of any program on television. I could gush on and on about the writing, the directing, the acting, and the special guests, but by now you already know whether you love this show or not. Whatever the case may be, we're having another giveaway to give out some free Sopranos stuff. I know, TVgasm having a giveaway, it's hard to imagine.

The Sopranos premieres Sunday March 12 9PM EST, so if you aren't into Cheerleader Nation, this might be more your speed. To enter the Sopranos giveaway, e-mail contests@tvgasm.com with the subject Sopranos Season 6. In the body of the message, make sure you mention your favorite whacking on the Sopranos. If you don't know the context of the term "whack" when we talk about the Sopranos, well, maybe you should ask somebody. Personally, I like Ralphie and his head in the bowling ball bag. First place is a DVD Box Set of Season 5, along with the new Season 6 poster. Second, third, and fourth place winners will all receive the Season 6 poster. All entries must be received by Friday, March 10 and the winners will be chosen by random. As you know, you can only enter this contest once, and the winner must live in the United States or Canada.

And don't forget, there's still time to enter the Monk, Cheerleader Nation, and Amazing Race giveaways as well.

Believe it or not, The Sopranos is actually returning to HBO this weekend. You might have been able to tell by the nonstop appearance of fluff articles, like this stunning exposé on a bus tour of famous Sopranos sights. Anyway, we were lucky enough to grab some photos from the first episode, and therefore, we provide you with this exclusive TVgasm preview of The Sopranos season premiere. Don't worry, no spoilers.

Best season ever? I would say yes. What do you think?

Last week's episode of The Sopranos really didn't do much to advance the plot, although it was very interesting to see which of Tony's captains decided to step up in his absence. That honor goes to Silvio, but his decision to step up and take care of Tony's business as well as Carmela and the kids was made because he thought Tony would wake up soon and be very appreciative of what Sil did for him when he was out of commission. Now that it looks like Tony may be out of commission permanently, either through death or some sort of brain damage, Silvio has discovered that being the boss brings a lot more than just huge responsibilities.

Well its been quite a trying time for Tony Soprano lately. He’s been shot, forced into a really odd overlong dream sequence with Buddhists and Steve Buscemi, and had to have a giant hole in his stomach. But in the last few episodes of The Sopranos he’s starting to get back to his old self again. Squeezing people for cash, even ordering to get someone whacked.

And then of course we have Johnny Sack, the de facto head of the New York crime family ever since Carmine Sr. died of a stroke. After last episode where he was seen crying like a little girl with skinned knee at his daughters wedding some of his captains, like Phil Leotardo, are questioning his role as boss, thinking he might be better suited to being the boss of the New York Chapter of the Clay Aiken fan club instead of the New York Mafia.

As far as this weeks Sopranos goes I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the Vito storyline that everyone has gotten so wrapped up in this season is nowhere to be found. In fact Vito doesn’t even make an appearance. Instead the main focus of the episode is that lifelong loser Artie Bucco, the owner of the local Italian restaurant that is the hangout of Tony and his crew.

The good news however is the subplot, featuring Christopher flying off to Hollywood to take a meeting with Sir Ben Kingsley, is some of the best stuff I’ve seen all year. In fact it created one of the greatest moments in the history of the show in my humble opinion. Not since Paulie Walnuts told Christopher to “Stop being c*nty” when they were lost in the woods in season 3 have I laughed so hard. What was it that had me in tears of joy? Lauren Bacall getting cold-cocked right in the face. And if there’s one thing 12 years of marriage to Humphrey Bogart taught her, it’s how to take a punch.

As I sat down Sunday to watch the Sopranos I had to wonder what would be on store for me. Will we go back to the gay Vito storyline or perhaps get a chance to see even more aging starts getting physically assaulted? I personally had my fingers crossed for a little of both. A veritable double whammy of Vito on his hands and knees after “getting an offer he couldn’t refuse” and Mickey Rooney getting punched in the nuts. Or maybe Richard Widmark getting the wedgie of a lifetime. He's still alive right?

Well there were no golden age film stars in sight (unless you consider the first season of ER part of the golden years), but there is lots of sex of the hetero and homosexual kind. Unfortunately it mostly involved middle aged fat guys. The episode was like one part Godfather; one part Last Tango in Paris and one part King Ralph.

Yes, yes, I know. This recap is late. Well I can just rattle of the usual excuses, (real life, new job, writers block, it takes three full days to spellcheck my work, etc.) but wouldn't you rather just get to the recap?

Well last week's Sopranos focused a lot on my favorite character. Good old Paulie Walnuts. What's not to love about this guy? That hair, that face, that lisp, that weird tan, that feeling that if you look at him funny he will beat you over the head with a pipe. He's had a strong showing so far this season, what with his famous MY BALLS! moment, and the fact that he disowned his mother when he found out that she was his aunt and his real mother was a nun. This week Paulie gets a featured role along with junkie Christopher, whose low hairline gets creepier by the week. He's like an inch away from having no forehead at all.

Only a few episodes left to the Sopranos season and the whacking tally is abysmally low. Don't get me wrong, it's been a good season, with sharp, funny writing all along. But when the only real mob hit you can sink your teeth into is Frankie Valli, it leaves a void. Sure we all loved watching Lauren Bacall get punched in the mouth, but it would have been so much more satisfying to see Christopher or Tony dump a body in a wood chipper. It's like going to a Celine Dion concert and she doesn't sing My Heart Will Go On. Sure you had a great time, bought some t-shirts, even met up with all your friends from the CelineDion.com message board, but you still feel like something was missing.

Well, this week's body count was fairly small as well but some plot developments are set in motion that make the impending season finale look more and more interesting.

This is it. The penultimate episode of The Sopranos for the season. Well, until the "second half" of the season, but since this is HBO and The Sopranos, that means we will be waiting another year at the least. So let's just savor what we got while we got it.

Remember last week my bitching about the low whacking count? Well, in a further testimony to the power that TVgasm has in this industry, David Chase read what I wrote and he listened. This week's episode was a veritable whackfest. A Whackapalooza if you will. Dare I say, a Whackgasm. We had not just one, but two brutal slayings this week. And I'm not just talking about Carmela's slaying of the French language. Hey-Ooooh! Thanks. I'll be here all week. Enjoy the veal.

I'm struggling to put into words my feelings after watching the quasi season finale of the Sopranos. Maybe it's because this episode wasn't originally meant as the "final episode" since HBO decided to split its expanded 22 episode season into two chunks. Or maybe the writers are just holding back the big guns for the final 8. Either way, this was a pretty mediocre episode as is, and as a season finale, it just left me scratching my head. Nothing really happened and it didn't really answer any questions. Or maybe my whole ambivalence about the episode is based on the fact that it took place at Christmas time. I've hard a hard and fast rule all my life to never watch a Christmas movie or Christmas themed episode of a TV show outside of the Christmas season. It's just not natural. As much as I love Bing Crosby, he needs to be in storage during the summer months. Alas my TVgasm recapping duties forced me to break that rule. TVgasm has a way of slowly corrupting you....