Feast on This - 
by EdHIll
Yes, yes, I know. This recap is late. Well I can just rattle of the usual excuses, (real life, new job, writers block, it takes three full days to spellcheck my work, etc.) but wouldn't you rather just get to the recap?
Well last week's Sopranos focused a lot on my favorite character. Good old Paulie Walnuts. What's not to love about this guy? That hair, that face, that lisp, that weird tan, that feeling that if you look at him funny he will beat you over the head with a pipe. He's had a strong showing so far this season, what with his famous MY BALLS! moment, and the fact that he disowned his mother when he found out that she was his aunt and his real mother was a nun. This week Paulie gets a featured role along with junkie Christopher, whose low hairline gets creepier by the week. He's like an inch away from having no forehead at all.
The episode starts with Christopher's girlfriend Kelli (with an "I," natch) telling him that she is carrying a little gangster in her tummy. She's in a panic when she tells him. "I'm sorry I told you to take off the rubber," she says, sending a bone curdling jolt through every single guy watching the episode as one of the worst things you can hear after "I like you as a friend" and "You better get yourself tested." Christopher isn't mad however. He's happy. So happy that he asks her to get married right then and there. Go down to Atlantic City and make a day of it, he tells her. Perhaps they can get married at the fabulous Trump Taj Mahal, where getting a quickie marriage is a 30 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!
Over on the other side of this northern Jersey town they call home, Paulie and Patsy (not the best name for a gangster if you ask me. It's like naming a chef Salmonella) are meeting with the priest about the upcoming Feast of St. Elzear. The usual priest, however, is out sick and they have to deal with Father Jose, who shakes them down for a 50 grand "contribution" as opposed to the usual 10 grand. Paulie, being Paulie, refuses, forcing Father Jose to not allow them to use the golden hat, the traditional headpiece for the statue of St. Elzear. Because if Jesus taught us anything, it's to wear more gold hats. I think he might have said some stuff about poor people but mostly it was about gold hats.
At the Bada Bing, Chris is there to share his joy in the holy sacrament of marriage next to some coked out strippers. Tony and the gang are all happy for him and even order some nice Cristal. "Just water for me. My son'll be my strength," he tells them. See, when the temptations of whether or not to do heroin or kill a snitch come over him, he will look to his son to show him the way. Just like sg-dub and baby-dub. Tony then tells him he has some business in Pennsylvania and he needs him along for backup.
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