As far as this weeks Sopranos goes I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the Vito storyline that everyone has gotten so wrapped up in this season is nowhere to be found. In fact Vito doesn’t even make an appearance. Instead the main focus of the episode is that lifelong loser Artie Bucco, the owner of the local Italian restaurant that is the hangout of Tony and his crew.
The good news however is the subplot, featuring Christopher flying off to Hollywood to take a meeting with Sir Ben Kingsley, is some of the best stuff I’ve seen all year. In fact it created one of the greatest moments in the history of the show in my humble opinion. Not since Paulie Walnuts told Christopher to “Stop being c*nty” when they were lost in the woods in season 3 have I laughed so hard. What was it that had me in tears of joy? Lauren Bacall getting cold-cocked right in the face. And if there’s one thing 12 years of marriage to Humphrey Bogart taught her, it’s how to take a punch.
The show starts with Christopher’s heroin thug meeting up with the Italian outsourced whackers they are bringing in to whack Rusty, a member of Johnny Sacks crew. Meanwhile the two crews from Jersey and NY are having a nice dinner at Nuovo Vesuvio to honor something or other. Who knows. It's the Italian Mafia, they are always at a dinner table of some sort. During the toasting and multiple salutes, Phil Leotardo gets up to do his own take on the toast whereby he immediately starts talking about the Vito, the "faggot ass cornholing cocksucker that married my cousin. He should f*cking die.” The Italian culture is so rich. After the toasts the conversation soon turns to the fact that the food is taking too long to get there. When the owner/chef Artie Bucco comes out to talk, they ask him if he’s been to the new Italian restaurant “Da Giovanni”. It’s all the rage. It's like trucker hats only more intense. Apparently they bring you eggplant parms in less than an hour. Oooh. I went there.
After dinner Tony and Chris are talking about the “La cage aux fag” otherwise known as Vito. Tony’s plan is that if he shows up he shows up, if not then they wont worry about it. I doubt this plan will hold. Christopher then tells Tony that he wants to go out to LA this week for a meeting with Ben Kingsley about his crappy horror movie. Tony is a little reluctant at first since this is the week of the Notre Dame-Michigan game. Well that’s easy. Since Michigan is a bunch of, to borrow a phrase from Phil Leotardo, “faggot ass cornholing cocksuckers” it’s obvious that Notre Dame will win. Also, go Buckeyes.
You fargin icehole!
The next day we see the hit on Rusty goes off without a hitch much to my surprise. The two Italians pull the cliché “lock the car and ask for directions while the other one comes up from behind and whacks him” routine. Which is the second most used style of whacking behind the ever-classic “tell the guy that your sister's husband is beating your sister and then when you get in a car to go beat the crap out of him get cut off at a toll booth and riddled with bullets.” But that one is so forties.
Later that night we see Artie Bucco at his restaurant acting like the douchebag that he is. Annoying customers, making excuses for having no business, etc. At the bar Christopher and his friends are sitting having a drink. They notice Artie’s new Albanian hostess, a hottie named Martina. Clearly Artie wants to get into her pants. Hopefully he’d wash his hands afterwards cuz the last thing you need is a veal parm with the scent of an Albanian quickie. Thankfully Martina is only interested in Benny Fazio, the munchkin Mafioso as I like to call him. Seriously, he’s so cute. Even when you see him shaking down a store owner for protection money you just want to throw some leotards on him and make him sing "The Lollipop Guild."
Over at Da Giovanni, Tony and Carmela are there having lunch to celebrate Phil Leotardo’s faggot ass cornholing cocksucker kid's holy confirmation. Neither of them can believe how amazing the food really is. When Phil stops by to talk to Tony he thanks him for the successful hit on Rusty. Tony pretends like he doesn’t know anything about it. Tony didn’t get where he is without brains.
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Comments (20)
haha, first time to be the first post.
Okay, I stopped watching after the first two episodes, but it looks like it's getting good, so I am back. Plus Desperate Housewives sucks!!
1 of 20 | Posted by nflow
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Posted on April 25, 2006 9:08 PM
My husband was looking forward to this post. He was disappointed when he realized you had no screenshot of Chris's "Topless friend"- (sicko).
2 of 20 | Posted by derder
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Posted on April 25, 2006 9:35 PM
When Phil thanks Tony for taking care of the Munchkin and Tony says he doesn't know what Phil is talking about...
I loved it when Phil opened his jacket to show he wasn't wearing a wire and said something about "You know where my heart is."
hb
3 of 20 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on April 25, 2006 9:44 PM
This is definitely one of the funniest episodes of the season. Carmine and Christopher pitching the movie to Sir Ben was hysterical, especially when Christopher vouched for the writer's rep by mentioning his work on Nash Bridges. You could just see the word 'pass' forming in Sir Ben's mind. And Lauren Bacall getting coldcocked for her swag was priceless. It was even funnier after Chris offered it to Tony and Tony rejected most of that crap anyway. I was sorry that Rusty was killed. It was always hysterical to see Frankie Vallie emote.
4 of 20 | Posted by Aries
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Posted on April 25, 2006 9:50 PM
I'm sure you've recognized Benny from Doogie Howser. His wisecracking friend back in the day (Neil Patrick Harris grew up, sadly he really didn't)
5 of 20 | Posted by gt
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Posted on April 25, 2006 10:10 PM
Holy crap gt! Nice pickup there on Benny. I totally remember him now.
This was by far the funniest episode since the one where Chris and Paulie were stranded in the snow in the Pine Barrens.
I have so much respect for Lauren Bacall. How great for her to do that. I bet she's that cool in real life.
The fact that Chris is so delusional that he thought Ben Kingsley might want to be involved with this movie was the funniest part. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, i.e. Chris & Co. making Kingsley or another big name actor an offer they can't refuse - do the movie or else.
6 of 20 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on April 26, 2006 6:19 AM
Before Ben Kingsley gets all high and mighty, maybe he shouldn't star in shit like Lucky Number Slevin and BLOODRAYNE. In fact, Chris should have said that Uwe Boll was attached; that might have worked.
7 of 20 | Posted by J Unit
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Posted on April 26, 2006 6:39 AM
Go Blue.
Sorry Ed. I'm a proud double alum of Michigan. You might have lost me slightly at the beginning of the recap.
8 of 20 | Posted by BigMax
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Posted on April 26, 2006 7:17 AM
By the way, the end credits said "Wilmer Valderama as himself". Did anyone happen to spot the self-proclaimed cornholer to the stars?
9 of 20 | Posted by BigMax
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Posted on April 26, 2006 7:25 AM
Great recap! My bf was especially plerased with the ND/Michigan comment.
Vito: So from what I understand we will be revisiting Vito in NH soon.
Wasn't Benny's name on Doogie Vinnie? I've been thinking Vinnie was his name all this time.
OT; Did anyone see Ralph Macchio on Entourage, I barely recognized him.
10 of 20 | Posted by hardly@work
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Posted on April 26, 2006 7:58 AM
BigMax: He was in the Luxury Lounge.
JasonR: She's not that cool in real life. Not by far. Trust me -- my brother went to school with her son. (And just for my own plug, I got kicked out of the same school Bogie did -- long after he was there -- and it's one of the things of which I'm most proud.) She still deserves props just for being a classic babe.
EdHill: They were having the party at Vesuvio because they were "opening the books" -- meaning considering new members.
I liked Christopher's reference to one of the writers working on "Law and Order: The SUV."
Artie's a bore, and should stop showing up on Mario Batali's show like he's a real cook.
11 of 20 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on April 26, 2006 8:29 AM
I particularly liked how, when telling Sir Ben about their screenwriter's credits, Benny mentioned "Law and Order, the SUV." I rewound it to make sure he said SUV instead of SVU. Hehe.
The scene with Lauren Bacall was the best all season.
12 of 20 | Posted by AbbyAnn
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Posted on April 26, 2006 8:51 AM
I also liked when Christopher complimented Lauren Bacall for her work in "The Have and the Have Nots."
13 of 20 | Posted by madpuppy
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Posted on April 26, 2006 9:18 AM
I loved when either Chris or Carmine (cant remember) said to Lauren Bacall, "enjoy your success". What a riot. Max Casella has come a long way from Vinnie on Doogie Howser, hasnt he?)I saw that tool Wilmer Valdaramma as soon as the three men (Chris, Carmine, Ben) walked into the lounge. He was right there trying on headphones or something....At least he didnt get to talk.
14 of 20 | Posted by Trixie
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Posted on April 26, 2006 10:42 AM
I renew my objection to the needless and contrived insertion of celebrities into the story line. Enough already with this obsequious boot-licking! Look, it’s always amusing to watch Carmine Stupid-tazzi acting like he’s Cecil B. DeMille, and struggling to piece together a coherent sentence…but who in the hell wants to watch Ben Kingsly mincing around for a quarter of the show? I’d rather see a cameo by Hank Kingsley. And, with all due respect, who gives a shit about Lauren Bacall anymore?
I’m not an assassination expert, but the hit on Rusty by those two imported gangsters seemed kind of amateurish. Witnesses everywhere, no silencers, no attempt at concealing their faces, and a getaway car with the horsepower of a go cart! WTF? Furio would have taken care of business in a much more professional manner. That hit was messier than a Japanese scat vid I saw on Newsfilter!
There are few things more offensive to Italian people, than to serve them crappy food. What’s up with Artie lately? He looks like a recent graduate of the Rachael Ray Culinary Institute. “Mm…canned clam chowder, Yum-O!” That intervention in the kitchen was sorely needed. If Artie trusts Tony about nothing else, it should be about food. I smell a mysterious grease fire, that’s sure to envelope Mt.Vesuvio by the next episode.
15 of 20 | Posted by conrad5
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Posted on April 26, 2006 11:08 AM
Let's not forget that Benny was also in the paper boy musical, Newsies. I keep hoping he'll break out in song and dance right before whacking some one.
16 of 20 | Posted by gasmgrrl
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Posted on April 26, 2006 11:14 AM
And he was the original Timon in the Broadway production of THE LION KING. He could break out with "Hakuna Matata" and pull an AMERICAN HISTORY X on 'em. (Does everyone remember what happened to that guy?)
17 of 20 | Posted by ClariceStarling
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Posted on April 26, 2006 1:39 PM
Ah yes, Law & Order SUV. That's the one where the detectives solve cases while getting terrible mileage.
18 of 20 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on April 26, 2006 3:56 PM
When one of the resaurant workers said 'I could bury my fucking cock in those titties' I about died laughing.
19 of 20 | Posted by joshman5k
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Posted on April 26, 2006 9:34 PM
I can't beleive we didn't get a screen shot of Charmaine's cleavage. Best part of the episode by far
20 of 20 | Posted by hardlyworking
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Posted on April 27, 2006 9:28 AM