Making the (Really Crappy) Video - 
by sg-dub
I'm conflicted. About midway through last season's Surreal Life I vowed never to watch the show again - having tasted my own bile too many times as a result of watching the vile media whoring of Omarosa and Janice Dickenson. Now, after my recapping duties superceded my better judgment, I'm thoroughly bored watching the most recent incarnation of the show. But you know what? I'll take "Bored" over "Disgusted with the entire human race" any day. So give me a sec - just putting on my rose-colored glasses... There we go.
The Los Angeles day dawned 68 degrees, smog-free, and beautiful. With bluebirds chirping and the smell of bacon and coffee wafting through the house, CC Deville jogged on the elliptical trainer, George Jefferson yawned, and Maven Huffman dropped in some eye drops. The scene was set - this was gonna be some exciting stuff!
The "Surreal Times" was delivered and CC read the news: Smashmouth (Or, "Schmayshmouht," as CC says it) has a new single coming out, 'The Story of my Life,' and the Surreal Lifers were going to direct and star in the video! Tawny Kitaen was to be the producer and would be responsible for the budget and time management. In her words, "This has been my dream forever!" Really, Tawny? Well, I guess when your claim to fame is writhing around on top of a car in a 15 year old video; directing a video in which you do the same is the next logical "dream" step.
Even more puzzling was Playboy model Andrea Lowell's response: "I'm a huge Smashmouth fan and to be in a Smashmouth video is a dream come true!" Really, Andrea? A huge Smashmouth fan? Can we assume she bought the 3 albums that came out after the one with "All-star" and "Walking on the Sun?" But, like Tawny, when your claim to fame is writhing around naked on video, being in a different video with at least some clothes on is the next logical "dream" step. (Rest assured, Andrea did get naked before the day was out though. Phew.)
Question: Why do bands make music videos anymore? Where are they even aired? That conundrum was lost on the housemates though, as Steve Harwell fired up the Radioshack store brand portable CD player (with stereophonic sound no less!) and everyone danced to the new song. Tawny effused, "The new Smashmouth single - number one with a bullet, I guarantee you!" No need for my usual paragraph-ending joke... I think Tawny just made it for me.
As Tawny did her tawdry dance, Sherman grooved along silently in his Santino-Special tee shirt. This dude was on a hit sitcom and he's wearing what I have only seen being sold to trailer trash in Wal-Mart bargain bins. Oh celestial new age wolf baying at the moon, how can anyone deny your charm? And how could Tawny deny Steve's request that she slink around on a car, reprising her famous video role of yore? The answer: She couldn't. Let's just hope it's a Hummer this time, or better yet a M3A3 Bradley Fighting Vehicle System, considering her recently acquired girth.
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