There was one throwaway line in this week's Surreal Life that sums up the overall tone and feeling of the entire episode: Tawny Kitaen made some unfunny comment to the mayor of San Luis Obispo about his son which prompted the mayor to dourly respond, "My son passed away 15 years ago." Ouch.
Ouch indeed. As Tawny was dealing with that punch in her flabby gut, we viewers were dealing with a similar feeling simply from watching the entire episode... The episode that went nowhere, accomplished nothing, and contained such emptiness that Friedrich Nietze was surely behind it all. After all, you can't tell me that God is alive after seeing 7 nobodies doing nothing and VH1 pretending it's entertaining.
And yet, I will still recap it. I'll probably make up a bunch of stuff and allow a stream of consciousness style take over - simply to make up for the likes of Maven Huffman, Sherman Hemsley, Steve Harwell, and Florence Henderson - all four of which said a grand total of maybe 50 words this episode. Let's see where my mind wanders, after the jump...
The day began with CC Deville playing his guitar through a small amplifier early in the morning. Oh, I get it - you don't drink anymore so you now take pleasure in waking up at the crack of dawn and playing "Alarm Clock" for the drinkers who may have hangovers. Nice. After Jimi Hendrix turned over in his grave, we were treated to several scenes of the housemates waking up and stretching. Yawn. (No, really, they showed some good yawn footage.)
The impromptu guitar solo really pissed everyone off, but no one more than Alexis Arquette, of the Family Arquette. He was already upset about something, so the noise only drove him over the edge. His complaints were what you'd expect from an emotionally stunted 4th grader - or, perhaps, a tranny with bad stubble. Alexis was talking to his roommate from home saying, "I'm really pissed. Everyone here thinks they're so open minded but when we filmed the video yesterday, I was in the back of every scene." Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks... Alexis Arquette.
What a douche bag - did he forget that 12 hours earlier he gave a straight man a lap dance and then proceeded to lick whipped cream from his crotch - all to approving laughter? Or that everyone in the house appears to go along with his absurd charade without uttering anything offensive?
The "Surreal Times" paper was delivered and the gang prepared for a road trip to San Luis Obispo. They were headed to KSBY to do something with the local newscast. It didn't describe exactly what they would be doing, but everyone seemed pretty excited about the excursion. Knowing nothing about San Luis Obispo or KSBY, I checked out their website. KSBY is the local NBC affiliate (which shocked me) and two on-air personalities stand out. Hey, Sheri Small - do you always wear giant ribbons from condolence bouquets as brooches? And you, Daphne, is your unfortunate last name a product of birth or marriage? Cause I'd be thinking about changing that if I were you. That - or hitting the gym.
Alexis offered up a confessional vignette, reworking their destination's name as "San Luis Obitcho." Sigh... I take craps funnier than these people. Alexis was excited about the fancy "Rock and Roll tour bus" mode of transportation, reminiscing that, "The last time I was on one of these things I was going down on Marilyn Manson." Discounting that this line appeared as though it was being read, and discounting that I don't necessarily find it impossible to believe, it was still just typical Alexis blather. Why is everything about the shock and the sex to him? His world is defined by sex - and it's not only annoying as hell, it's (I'm sure) annoying to the Transwhatever "community" who are trying to show that they are relatively normal and productive folks. EdHill, help me out here.
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Comments (27)
That baby-dub photo is hilarious.
1 of 27 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on April 3, 2006 4:24 PM
I couldn't even watch that shit. I let the show run in the background, I would go to the tv to fast forward over the commercials and then delete from the DVR. It sure sucked. I will watch next week to see Alexis freak out and then I am DONE. I will just read the recaps. That's if you don't give up too, sg-dub.
And that pic of baby-dub: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! I too wanna have kids so I can put random things on their heads and post those pics on the Internet!! :)
2 of 27 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on April 3, 2006 5:34 PM
It's the Great Space Coaster
Get on board!
On the Great Space Coaster
We'll explore!
3 of 27 | Posted by Lizardqueen
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Posted on April 3, 2006 6:16 PM
Baby-dub is styling. I think I saw that same outfit on Andre 3000.
hb
4 of 27 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on April 3, 2006 6:48 PM
wow, dude, you really hate trannies.
5 of 27 | Posted by grifter
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Posted on April 3, 2006 7:28 PM
grifter -
Only if all trannies are media whoring sex obsessed losers who opt for shock over substance at every turn.
6 of 27 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on April 3, 2006 7:31 PM
No Gnus
Is good Gnus
With Gary Gnus
Check you out! It's burned in my brain but I cannot remember from where. Which show was that sg-dub???
7 of 27 | Posted by monkeypeanut
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Posted on April 3, 2006 9:35 PM
This is true, but perhaps you should refer to Alexis as a "she", because "he" is nothing other than disrespectful. Alexis is obnoxious and lame, but is clearly at the point where she should be afforded the respect of being refered to as a woman.
8 of 27 | Posted by Molly
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Posted on April 3, 2006 9:51 PM
Nice baby-dub photo. Such a serious face. A future newscaster, perhaps...able to keep a straight face no matter if someone holds bunny ears behind you or puts random shit on top of your head.
Great recap of a crappy show.
9 of 27 | Posted by ATCmurph
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Posted on April 3, 2006 9:53 PM
I agree with Molly, sg-dub. Alexis prefers to be called she and it wouldn't kill you to do that. And did it ever occur to you that Alexis is going for shock over substance because that is what the producers want? Be honest now, this may be "reality tv" but reality is not high on the producers' list. Nor is it what you want because reality is boring. That's probably why this season sucks: there isn't enough so called drama, not because there's no substance. Reality tv has never been about substance- no one would watch. We all want to see people behaving stupidly so we can feel better about ourselves. Or when they do behave with grace and dignity, we can feel better about the human race. Anyway, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.
I also think you had a bad trannie experience in college and that's why you hate them so much.
10 of 27 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on April 3, 2006 10:20 PM
They showed that train wreck on the news & I missed 'em? Oh, the misery!
And to think- they made fun of people stealing our fish...calling SLO boring.
BORING? HA! Boring is this season.
(Yet, I am the passer-by that still has her DVR set to record said train wreck..)
11 of 27 | Posted by damn_gina
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Posted on April 4, 2006 1:32 AM
Love the Great Space Coaster reference...I used to love that show as a kid...! And the baby-dub pic ROCKS!
12 of 27 | Posted by jenny10girl
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Posted on April 4, 2006 5:01 AM
#7 Gary Gnu was on The Great Space Coaster.
http://members.aol.com/goriddles/page/gnu24.jpg
I think some of you are being too hard on baby-dub's dad. I don't think baby-dub's dad is anti-tranny, I think he is pretty consistant in showing his disapproval of idiots of all races, ages and genders. Take his advice and go scan last season's recaps. He showed just as much distate for Omarosa (who some might say is a tranny) and Janice (ok so maybe there is a pattern) Just kidding.
I couldn't agree with him more - Alexis is hogging the camera to whine about not being on camera. Let's face it this season it's the Alexis Show - since so few of the other Surreal Lifers are getting any air time at all.
I appreciate Alexis for adding a little life to this otherwise drab season - but I agree, his one-note caricature is beginning to grate on the nerves.
Hey Daddy-Dub, if you want to have REAL fun dressing up baby-dub you need to get some of those hilarious pacifiers.
http://funideas.com/pacifiers_2frontteeth.html
Whenever I sat for my nephew, I'd doll him up in his zebra pj's
http://www.costume-party-shop.com/productimages/rg70176.jpg
and pop in one of those pacifiers and take tons of photos. My sister (the Martha Stuart wannabe) would pitch a fit - but now - they are some of our favorite photos of him.
13 of 27 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on April 4, 2006 5:02 AM
Nietzsche
14 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on April 4, 2006 6:13 AM
i have to disagree with Molly. Call a spade a spade! Alexis still has his working equipment, not to mention the stubble. Until the cock comes off and the hormones kick in, HE IS A HE, no matter what HE wants to BE!
15 of 27 | Posted by lynturn
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Posted on April 4, 2006 6:17 AM
Molly (#8): I don't think it's a question of disrespect -- people refer to Alexis as "he" because they look at him and see a man. People don't pause in their statements to evaluate how a person prefers to be addressed -- especially when that preference is false (he has a penis) and counterintuitive. At this point, his "being a woman" is just a masquerade. Perhaps he would be afforded more respect if he stopped trying to be purposely "outrageous" at every given opportunity. He just makes himself a buffoon and his sexuality an act and a pretense.
If he wants to live his life as a woman, he should live it as a woman and not a cartoon parody of a woman.
16 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on April 4, 2006 6:59 AM
I can't bear to watch this season. I've caught a total of one and a half episodes and felt bad about myself for even watching that much. I find myself thinking bad things, like that Alexis Arquette would die. Toxic...But I'll keep reading the recaps, of course.
17 of 27 | Posted by jfn
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Posted on April 4, 2006 7:06 AM
If I were to don those little zebra pjs, would I expect everyone to immediately call me "Zebra?" Should I get offended if they didn't?
I completely agree that Alexis is only fueling the stereotype of 'oversexed freaks' that this George W. country already subscribes to. It's a damn shame. Transgendered people need an articulate and CLOTHED representative.
(Dubby-Sr's not getting much sleep. How do I know? Believe me, he won't sleep for about another 6 months so lay off.)
18 of 27 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on April 4, 2006 7:09 AM
Right on Molly and Zenovia. #13, you're right that sg-dub slammed Omarosa and Janice just as much as Alexis. But EVERYONE on this show opts for shock over substance at every turn. Hello... naked wannabe starlets turn up every season and take all their clothes off and jump in the pool, rehabbed rockers fall of the wagon, midgets piss in the corner, etc. Alexis goes for the shock value b/c people automatically assume she's a freak. And #16, Alexis made it clear that she knows that she can't (and doesnt want to) pass as a real woman. But you can still cut the dude a break (there's a joke in there somewhere) and call him a she! And another thing...oh, to hell w/ it, i need to get a life...i have work to do.
19 of 27 | Posted by grifter
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Posted on April 4, 2006 9:40 AM
He has a penis. He is a man. End of story. Anyone can call themselves something they are not, this is America after all. I could declare myself to be a three-legged cat and ask people to please refer to me as Mittens and only speak in meows. But that doesn't mean they have to actually do it, now does it?
20 of 27 | Posted by StopMakingSense
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Posted on April 4, 2006 10:42 AM
Mittens (#20) - that was perfectly said and should put an end to the Alexis he/she debate.
21 of 27 | Posted by djo8901
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Posted on April 4, 2006 10:55 AM
Well put, Mittens.
(I refer to you as such out of RESPECT)
22 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
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Posted on April 4, 2006 11:37 AM
amazing Nietzsche reference... i never thought i'd see the day when i'd ever need to know about him again in "the real world"..thanks for that
anyone else think mrs. brady is one annoying bitch? geez, that woman thinks she is god's gift just because she was a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls...all of them had hair of gold, liek their mother..the youngest one with a heinous lisp
23 of 27 | Posted by anonym.
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Posted on April 4, 2006 12:10 PM
I usually enjoy the writing of sg-dub, but I'm kind of offended of how you're approaching the whole tranny thing. It is bordering homophobic. And I totally have a sense of humor and yes, it is a little funny - but she's not pretending to be a woman. She's a tranny, plain and simple. And anyway - she has recently had the surgery and no longer has a penis.
24 of 27 | Posted by protegefox
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Posted on April 5, 2006 7:43 AM
I don't know whether Alexis still has it or not, but here's a picture of it. (Not safe for work)
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3494/635/1600/alexisarquette.jpg
25 of 27 | Posted by Pamsey
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Posted on April 5, 2006 11:42 AM
Give me a break - sg-dub is NOT out of line on his comments about Alexis. Alexis is out of line. We all know that these shows call for drama and crazy, erratic behavior, and Alexis is serving it up well - but don't try to be a spokesperson for the tranny community and act/say the things like Alexis has thus far (and from the previews, it seems it's only just begun with him). BTW, here's the thing that REALLY doesn't make sense about him. He wants to be called "she/her", yet doesn't want anyone mistaking the fact that he's male, not female. HUH???? How does that make sense in ANYONE's brain (if you're wondering what I'm referring to, it's the BS he spewed on their ride up to SLO in which he stated something to the affect that he's "manly" because he doesn't want anyone to be confused as to whether he's a man or a woman - he is a man who dresses as a woman.
btw, the bab-dub pic cracked me up...and will be one to show the girlfriends when he grows up. :-)
26 of 27 | Posted by livemusicjunkie
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Posted on April 5, 2006 12:32 PM
Pamsey, I think those photos finally put to rest the questions about what Courtney Cox saw in David Arquette.
27 of 27 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on April 5, 2006 5:27 PM