On the trip up the coast, Tawny began asking Alexis some hard-hitting questions like, "When did you realize you were going to be an absolutely beautiful girl?" Alexis responded, "About the same time you got old and apparently went blind - about 15 years ago!" Actually, Alexis went on to explain himself a little bit and tried his best to describe the differences between the transsexuals, the transgendered, and the transvestites. He went on to explain the driveshaft mechanics of the Trans Am and the deleterious effects of trans fats on your arteries. In the end, Alexis noted that he is indeed a, "Pretty masculine girl." As girls with penises and stubble tend to be.
...you are annoying as hell?
Once at the TV station, they meet up with Mrs. Brady and learned that they would actually be on air doing the news. Wacky Steve Harwell screamed the F word six times in an effort to get it out of his system to appease the FCC. I then shouted the F word six times when I realized I was only at the 7 minute mark of the show.
Roles were assigned: Mrs. Brady - anchor, Mr. Jefferson - weatherman, CC Deville - sportscaster, Andrea Lowell - field reporter, Maven - field producer, Steve - field producer, Tawny - field reporter, and Alexis - executive producer. Oh no you di'int! Once again Alexis was ripshit over not being on camera - I know this because he told the camera that was filming him that put his comments on the show I'm watching which is serving as an advertising vehicle for his upcoming other show on A&E about his sex change operation. (Funny that Steve didn't take up the cause for fat out-of-favor late 90's lead singer discrimination and Maven didn't exactly step up for the disenfranchised former WWE demographic - both of whom would not be in front of a camera either.)
Tawny was as upset as Alexis, though, at having to drive out to the center of town to do a report on the disappearance of the "water vane." (Tawny is not smart.) But then the unthinkable happened - Mr. Jefferson spoke! Right at the halfway point of the show, he uttered, "Is it possible to get something to eat?" Bravo, my man, bravo. (For the record, Maven had yet to say a word.)
The rest of the show was simply a set-up for next week's assured hijinks. CC was sent out to do a piece on an Ultimate Fighting Champion guy and fought some tough woman for a round or two in the ring. Mrs. Brady was upset that she had to write a lot of her own material. Tawny interviewed the local police man about the apparent theft and noted, "I didn't want to look like an idiot talking about the 'water vane'." (Oh, the piece was to be about a weathervane, by the way.) Sherman ate some food and mumbled, "Mmmm, good." Two lines in one show! He's on fire!
At the 17 minute mark, Maven said his first line of the show and Andrea took her first drink. You see, Andrea was to report on some winery and she was enjoying all the free tastings. Alexis was very concerned that the little party girl would drink "on the job" and kept warning Steve to keep a watch over her. What Steve heard was, "Make sure Andrea doesn't pass out," apparently, as she rather lustily enjoyed several very full glasses of vino. I guess that showed me that Alexis is by no means a "real man," though, for he'd then understand that Steve was simply trying to get a loose girl drunk for his own purposes. I mean... Duh!
Not content with downing a couple "normal" glasses of wine, the Tolusa Winery trotted out its wacky giant wine glass for all to see. You know, the one that's a showpiece in the lobby and probably has about 3 inches of dust in it as a result? Yeah, well, Andrea didn't care as she proceeded to guzzle some more wine from it. At that, Andrea's attempts to look "bookish" by pulling her hair into a bun flew right out the window.
Everyone drove back to the station and had to edit their pieces in short order to get them ready for air. Mr. Jefferson was extremely nervous about his weather report, CC was, "Scared to death," and was freaking out. He kept saying he didn't think he could do it and needed drink. Tawny lost her tenuous ability to speak clearly. Andrea appeared to be drunk. And the newscast was going live in 3, 2, 1, ...
« A Very Special Graduation | Main | Newsgasm: Marriage Schmarriage Edition »
Comments (27)
That baby-dub photo is hilarious.
1 of 27 | Posted by B-Side
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 4:24 PM
I couldn't even watch that shit. I let the show run in the background, I would go to the tv to fast forward over the commercials and then delete from the DVR. It sure sucked. I will watch next week to see Alexis freak out and then I am DONE. I will just read the recaps. That's if you don't give up too, sg-dub.
And that pic of baby-dub: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! I too wanna have kids so I can put random things on their heads and post those pics on the Internet!! :)
2 of 27 | Posted by stacyrocks
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 5:34 PM
It's the Great Space Coaster
Get on board!
On the Great Space Coaster
We'll explore!
3 of 27 | Posted by Lizardqueen
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 6:16 PM
Baby-dub is styling. I think I saw that same outfit on Andre 3000.
hb
4 of 27 | Posted by HoneyBunny
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 6:48 PM
wow, dude, you really hate trannies.
5 of 27 | Posted by grifter
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 7:28 PM
grifter -
Only if all trannies are media whoring sex obsessed losers who opt for shock over substance at every turn.
6 of 27 | Posted by sg-dub
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 7:31 PM
No Gnus
Is good Gnus
With Gary Gnus
Check you out! It's burned in my brain but I cannot remember from where. Which show was that sg-dub???
7 of 27 | Posted by monkeypeanut
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 9:35 PM
This is true, but perhaps you should refer to Alexis as a "she", because "he" is nothing other than disrespectful. Alexis is obnoxious and lame, but is clearly at the point where she should be afforded the respect of being refered to as a woman.
8 of 27 | Posted by Molly
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 9:51 PM
Nice baby-dub photo. Such a serious face. A future newscaster, perhaps...able to keep a straight face no matter if someone holds bunny ears behind you or puts random shit on top of your head.
Great recap of a crappy show.
9 of 27 | Posted by ATCmurph
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 9:53 PM
I agree with Molly, sg-dub. Alexis prefers to be called she and it wouldn't kill you to do that. And did it ever occur to you that Alexis is going for shock over substance because that is what the producers want? Be honest now, this may be "reality tv" but reality is not high on the producers' list. Nor is it what you want because reality is boring. That's probably why this season sucks: there isn't enough so called drama, not because there's no substance. Reality tv has never been about substance- no one would watch. We all want to see people behaving stupidly so we can feel better about ourselves. Or when they do behave with grace and dignity, we can feel better about the human race. Anyway, that's my opinion, for what it's worth.
I also think you had a bad trannie experience in college and that's why you hate them so much.
10 of 27 | Posted by zevonia
|
Posted on April 3, 2006 10:20 PM
They showed that train wreck on the news & I missed 'em? Oh, the misery!
And to think- they made fun of people stealing our fish...calling SLO boring.
BORING? HA! Boring is this season.
(Yet, I am the passer-by that still has her DVR set to record said train wreck..)
11 of 27 | Posted by damn_gina
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 1:32 AM
Love the Great Space Coaster reference...I used to love that show as a kid...! And the baby-dub pic ROCKS!
12 of 27 | Posted by jenny10girl
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 5:01 AM
#7 Gary Gnu was on The Great Space Coaster.
http://members.aol.com/goriddles/page/gnu24.jpg
I think some of you are being too hard on baby-dub's dad. I don't think baby-dub's dad is anti-tranny, I think he is pretty consistant in showing his disapproval of idiots of all races, ages and genders. Take his advice and go scan last season's recaps. He showed just as much distate for Omarosa (who some might say is a tranny) and Janice (ok so maybe there is a pattern) Just kidding.
I couldn't agree with him more - Alexis is hogging the camera to whine about not being on camera. Let's face it this season it's the Alexis Show - since so few of the other Surreal Lifers are getting any air time at all.
I appreciate Alexis for adding a little life to this otherwise drab season - but I agree, his one-note caricature is beginning to grate on the nerves.
Hey Daddy-Dub, if you want to have REAL fun dressing up baby-dub you need to get some of those hilarious pacifiers.
http://funideas.com/pacifiers_2frontteeth.html
Whenever I sat for my nephew, I'd doll him up in his zebra pj's
http://www.costume-party-shop.com/productimages/rg70176.jpg
and pop in one of those pacifiers and take tons of photos. My sister (the Martha Stuart wannabe) would pitch a fit - but now - they are some of our favorite photos of him.
13 of 27 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 5:02 AM
Nietzsche
14 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 6:13 AM
i have to disagree with Molly. Call a spade a spade! Alexis still has his working equipment, not to mention the stubble. Until the cock comes off and the hormones kick in, HE IS A HE, no matter what HE wants to BE!
15 of 27 | Posted by lynturn
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 6:17 AM
Molly (#8): I don't think it's a question of disrespect -- people refer to Alexis as "he" because they look at him and see a man. People don't pause in their statements to evaluate how a person prefers to be addressed -- especially when that preference is false (he has a penis) and counterintuitive. At this point, his "being a woman" is just a masquerade. Perhaps he would be afforded more respect if he stopped trying to be purposely "outrageous" at every given opportunity. He just makes himself a buffoon and his sexuality an act and a pretense.
If he wants to live his life as a woman, he should live it as a woman and not a cartoon parody of a woman.
16 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 6:59 AM
I can't bear to watch this season. I've caught a total of one and a half episodes and felt bad about myself for even watching that much. I find myself thinking bad things, like that Alexis Arquette would die. Toxic...But I'll keep reading the recaps, of course.
17 of 27 | Posted by jfn
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 7:06 AM
If I were to don those little zebra pjs, would I expect everyone to immediately call me "Zebra?" Should I get offended if they didn't?
I completely agree that Alexis is only fueling the stereotype of 'oversexed freaks' that this George W. country already subscribes to. It's a damn shame. Transgendered people need an articulate and CLOTHED representative.
(Dubby-Sr's not getting much sleep. How do I know? Believe me, he won't sleep for about another 6 months so lay off.)
18 of 27 | Posted by k37744
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 7:09 AM
Right on Molly and Zenovia. #13, you're right that sg-dub slammed Omarosa and Janice just as much as Alexis. But EVERYONE on this show opts for shock over substance at every turn. Hello... naked wannabe starlets turn up every season and take all their clothes off and jump in the pool, rehabbed rockers fall of the wagon, midgets piss in the corner, etc. Alexis goes for the shock value b/c people automatically assume she's a freak. And #16, Alexis made it clear that she knows that she can't (and doesnt want to) pass as a real woman. But you can still cut the dude a break (there's a joke in there somewhere) and call him a she! And another thing...oh, to hell w/ it, i need to get a life...i have work to do.
19 of 27 | Posted by grifter
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 9:40 AM
He has a penis. He is a man. End of story. Anyone can call themselves something they are not, this is America after all. I could declare myself to be a three-legged cat and ask people to please refer to me as Mittens and only speak in meows. But that doesn't mean they have to actually do it, now does it?
20 of 27 | Posted by StopMakingSense
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 10:42 AM
Mittens (#20) - that was perfectly said and should put an end to the Alexis he/she debate.
21 of 27 | Posted by djo8901
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 10:55 AM
Well put, Mittens.
(I refer to you as such out of RESPECT)
22 of 27 | Posted by holyterror
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 11:37 AM
amazing Nietzsche reference... i never thought i'd see the day when i'd ever need to know about him again in "the real world"..thanks for that
anyone else think mrs. brady is one annoying bitch? geez, that woman thinks she is god's gift just because she was a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls...all of them had hair of gold, liek their mother..the youngest one with a heinous lisp
23 of 27 | Posted by anonym.
|
Posted on April 4, 2006 12:10 PM
I usually enjoy the writing of sg-dub, but I'm kind of offended of how you're approaching the whole tranny thing. It is bordering homophobic. And I totally have a sense of humor and yes, it is a little funny - but she's not pretending to be a woman. She's a tranny, plain and simple. And anyway - she has recently had the surgery and no longer has a penis.
24 of 27 | Posted by protegefox
|
Posted on April 5, 2006 7:43 AM
I don't know whether Alexis still has it or not, but here's a picture of it. (Not safe for work)
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3494/635/1600/alexisarquette.jpg
25 of 27 | Posted by Pamsey
|
Posted on April 5, 2006 11:42 AM
Give me a break - sg-dub is NOT out of line on his comments about Alexis. Alexis is out of line. We all know that these shows call for drama and crazy, erratic behavior, and Alexis is serving it up well - but don't try to be a spokesperson for the tranny community and act/say the things like Alexis has thus far (and from the previews, it seems it's only just begun with him). BTW, here's the thing that REALLY doesn't make sense about him. He wants to be called "she/her", yet doesn't want anyone mistaking the fact that he's male, not female. HUH???? How does that make sense in ANYONE's brain (if you're wondering what I'm referring to, it's the BS he spewed on their ride up to SLO in which he stated something to the affect that he's "manly" because he doesn't want anyone to be confused as to whether he's a man or a woman - he is a man who dresses as a woman.
btw, the bab-dub pic cracked me up...and will be one to show the girlfriends when he grows up. :-)
26 of 27 | Posted by livemusicjunkie
|
Posted on April 5, 2006 12:32 PM
Pamsey, I think those photos finally put to rest the questions about what Courtney Cox saw in David Arquette.
27 of 27 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
|
Posted on April 5, 2006 5:27 PM