Earlier in this most disturbing of The Surreal Life seasons, I shouldered the difficult task of recapping an episode that featured mentally and physically challenged kids. How to make that funny, without making fun of the kids? Looking back, that was a piece of cake compared the mess that's airing this week on VH1. Sure, the newest episode is rife with slurs, baseless accusations, tales of stabbings and gunshots, creepy Balki crying jags, and a backyard barbeque - that stuff I can handle. But incestuous pedophilia? Mamma Mia. The hardest part is that it involved The World's First Supermodel, Janice Dickinson, who has rapidly risen to be one of the most contemptible and detestable pieces of crap to ever appear on my television. Luckily (for me), equally contemptible and detestable piece of crap Omarosa was also prominently featured - and she's only the victim of seven stabbings and gunshots and an unfortunate lantern jaw malformation.

That's right, in this episode, Omarosa revealed that she's been stabbed seven times. And shot at. But I'll get to that in a minute. The show began right where last week's left off: Omarosa threatening to leave and continuing to call Janice a "crack whore bitch" and every other possible variant of that insult. Gee, ya think Trump was watching and reconsidering his decision to "fire" her? I mean, she is so professional and well-spoken and diplomatic. I'm actually now enjoying the mental picture of The Donald sitting in his cushy leather recliner, martini in hand and ascot in place, watching this show on VH1. "Carolyn, George - get in here. Get this Balki guy on the phone. He's really showing me something here."