Recap an Incestuous Storyline? I'll Take a Stab at it

bronson_cries.jpgEarlier in this most disturbing of The Surreal Life seasons, I shouldered the difficult task of recapping an episode that featured mentally and physically challenged kids. How to make that funny, without making fun of the kids? Looking back, that was a piece of cake compared the mess that's airing this week on VH1. Sure, the newest episode is rife with slurs, baseless accusations, tales of stabbings and gunshots, creepy Balki crying jags, and a backyard barbeque - that stuff I can handle. But incestuous pedophilia? Mamma Mia. The hardest part is that it involved The World's First Supermodel, Janice Dickinson, who has rapidly risen to be one of the most contemptible and detestable pieces of crap to ever appear on my television. Luckily (for me), equally contemptible and detestable piece of crap Omarosa was also prominently featured - and she's only the victim of seven stabbings and gunshots and an unfortunate lantern jaw malformation.

That's right, in this episode, Omarosa revealed that she's been stabbed seven times. And shot at. But I'll get to that in a minute. The show began right where last week's left off: Omarosa threatening to leave and continuing to call Janice a "crack whore bitch" and every other possible variant of that insult. Gee, ya think Trump was watching and reconsidering his decision to "fire" her? I mean, she is so professional and well-spoken and diplomatic. I'm actually now enjoying the mental picture of The Donald sitting in his cushy leather recliner, martini in hand and ascot in place, watching this show on VH1. "Carolyn, George - get in here. Get this Balki guy on the phone. He's really showing me something here."

As mentioned, the show opened with Omarosa pacing around, flapping her ample gums, and packing up to leave. By this point in the day, the other cast members (remember them?) had had their fill of the bullshit and began admitting as much. Caprice, in her best Madonna-faux-British accent, lamented, "This has just been ex-hous-ting." It wasn't even close to a good British accent. Hell, she made Kevin Costner in Robin Hood look like Mr. Pickwick in Piccadilly Circus ordering some fish 'n' chips. While wearing a top hat. Carey Hart summed up the Omarosa/Janice situation best, saying, "It's two people having a power struggle over TV time."

Omarosa half agreed (out loud) with Carey, telling Pepa, "Janice is very clever - she knows how to make good TV." In other words, Omarosa, you're not clever and you make bad TV. Now that's an idea with which I fully agree. Pepa, who was hearing out Omarosa at this point, looked tired and bored with the day's events. So Omarosa did what any over-the-top reality whore would do: Turn up the sympathy knob. Now, I have no idea if the following statements from the horse's mouth are true, and I can only hope they are not. I can't help but remind everyone of former Surreal Life cast member Vanilla Ice and some eerily similar comments he made in the past. Out of nowhere, Omarosa screeched, "I have been stabbed seven times in my life. I could show you so many stab wounds on my body... I've been stabbed, I've been shot at, and I can't sleep at night with that psychopath in the same house."

ifeelsobadforyourkids.jpg
"i feel so bad for your kids, i really do"

Phew. If true, that's awful. If not, then Omarosa just moved a notch below Janice on the contemptible scale (this will be a photo finish at the end). Again, I recall Vanilla Ice telling the world that he was "from the streets," and had been stabbed. He went on to say, "I have scars, man." Did Omarosa study Mr. Ice's tactics and simply emulate them? Who knows... But remember this is the same hardened woman from the streets who was out of commission for 3 days after a weightless piece of microscopic wallboard grazed her huge head. Seven stabbings, I'd think, would have most certainly done her in. For what it's worth, the entire cast agreed that Omarosa was overreacting to "The Knife Incident" and that there was no way she would leave the house - lest she lose some TV face time.

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Comments (40)

amygirl:

I can't decide who is more hideous- Omarosa or Janice. I am guessing Omarosa is a huge liar. I doubt she has been stabbed seven times. She is just trying to justify her irational behavior. And I think her "Political Career" (God help us all) is probably unlikely after The Sureal Life.
Janice on the other hand (victim or not) is just as revolting. She is a walking contradiction. Didn't she say on the first episode that she was in a "Twelve Step Program"? This woman is obviously and frequently high on some mood altering substance. And even though this is straight from the horses mouth (literally), I do feel extremely sorry for her children.
Boy they are such disgusting women. Please VH1, Bring on a cast who is fun to watch (like last season). I don't know if I can tolerate another season like this. Thanks for the recap, sg-dub. You are a trooper!

mike:

How normal do these people make Jose Canseco look? Its unbelievable.

B-dub:

I missed Johnny Fairplay taking a dump on someones bed on whatever reality show that was but I would have to say the scene with Janice's revelations, Balki's sobbing, Pepa's whatever, Omarosa's ranting was truly disturbing.

It's seems like we're all facing the dilema. Who's more contemptable, Janice or Omarosa. Each is so indescribably horrible, it's hard to imagine anyone worse. And yet there they are, the two of them. Each seemingly more despicable than the other.

I've weighed the facts carefully and call me a sucker for a good sob story but I proclaim Omarosa even more revolting than Janice Dickenson.
No one else even a close second although Fabian Basabe on "Filthy Rich Cattle Drive" is quite despicable!

Horse Faced Omarosa:

I surprised myself this episode when I actually felt sorry for Janice. Yeah she's a huge bitch and all, but that Horse Faced Omarosa is actually an even bigger prick, who resorts to 3rd grade behavior by walking by constantly and calling Janice names. I bet the stabbing & shooting stories are all bullshit. She showed America what a huge sham she really is. Lets all pray this is the end of her 15.

ND chica:

What hell does the C-word hall of fame have to do with North Dakota?? Where did that come from. I'm sure you think that people here are all a bunch of hicks with no idea of what goes on in the world,but really not so much a fan of douchebag comments about a beautiful state you've probably never been to. Ta ta.. off to the 2nd most popular tourist attraction in ND...Your mom's bedroom

Janice is scary looking and crazy. I read somewhere she admitted throwing out her dad's heart pills, causing him to die of a heart attack. Which if this all is true he deserved. But Omarosa is one vile, ugly, toothy liar. They need to put her back in the stables and get her off of TV.

kell:

omarosa is the biggest fucking bitch EVER! what a horrible woman..GOD help us all if that horse-faced bitch has offspring (i don't even know if they'll be considered human)...janice is messed up..but she ADMITS it and, is somewhat justified for acting so crazy. that's just terrible what her dad did to her--nobody should have to deal with that. as for her son, i think she truly loves him and is doing the best she can.
-who the hell keeps giving omarosa work? jesus, she thinks she's a goddamn celebrity now! thanks Trump!

Mike:

Is there a HoJo or a Red Roof centrally located between The C-Word Hall of Fame and sg-dub's mom's bedroom? We were thinking of heading up to North Dakota and we want to see ALL the sights.

BoQueefa:

I've been waiting for this re-cap for a week. This episode was really hard for me to watch and if Horse mouth's stabbing stories are true I can see why shes been stabbed 7 times she is one awful horrible person who needs to be chained to a metal box during this Hurricane Rita thats hitting my state (Texas. Pray for us please! Even tho its not going to effect the city I live in but with the news guessing and the way its been changing its path I have no idea) Don't get me wrong I don't like Janice shes a damn train wreck but at least she has a reason to be unstable. I can't wait til Jose tells that Bubba Gump lookin drowned rat off cause she'd be heart broken and cry. I really hope we never have to see her on TV again.

Schadenfreude:

I didn't see this episode of 'The Surreal Life' (phew, dodged that bullet!), but I couldn't help noticing that Omarosa's trauma claims are generally being dismissed while Janice's are generally being credited. I didn't notice anything in the writeup to either support or undermine either ones' assertions. Is this because Janice is considered more credible (and less likely to produce a sympathy/attention-generating lie), or because of the nature of the claims, or perhaps some other factor? Just curious.

BoQueefa (#9) - Best wishes to you, and all the folks along the TX/LA Gulf Coast, I'm hoping you all ride the storm out in safety.

Helenann:

We knew this episode was coming...for every good hour of television (BB6), there is a universal law that states there must be an equal hour of bad tv that must sprout it's ugly head. This was the penultimate Anti-matter in television. Balki was probably crying because he identified with Janice's story, and by being a vicitm himself, it explains his oversexualization of everything.
BTW, does anyone else think the last picture of Janice here looks like Joan Rivers in a black wig?
*sigh* God have mercy on their souls.

Anonymous:

Okay, I shouldn't admit this but I've actually seen the E! True Hollywood Story on Janice and let me tell ya, according to that, what she talked about on Surreal Life isn't even the tip of the iceberg of her messed up childhood.

I'm going to have to vote for Omarossa Bin Laden as the bigger jerk between the two. She doesn't know when to stop and then she was trying to get the others to pick sides. I hope next week they call her out on all of her lies about her supposed ghetto childhood.

Sg-Dub, I had to stop my TIVO at the same moment. It was *that* uncomfortable to watch. Good job on the re-cap, hard to make light of it, I know.

Btw, Schadenfreude, perhaps you can catch that episode on the endless repeats VH1 does. Then your question about why people are taking Janice's side over Omarossa in "Clash of the Two Cunts" might be answered.

Personally, I think it's because although they are both terrible human beings, Omarossa comes off as simply so very, very cold. Janice is a mess, but at least she has emotions. God help us all, but she's got 'em, you know?

Omarossa gives off the impression that if you stabbed her, nothing would come out but compressed air.

Brian:

I find it hard to believe that Omarosa has ONLY been stabbed 7 times.
I swear when she fell out of the ugly tree,she hit every branch face first before hitting the ground.

megstar:

I feel that Omarosa gets a bad rap, whether she brings it upon herself or not, that can be debated, or not. She is very smart and worked in some capacity in the Clinton administration. I just wanted to counter the pro- Janice messages ;)

joevanne:

OMG!! Janice is a crackhead. Omarosa is a vile human being who can't be out bitched on any reality show. I really feel sorry for Janice's kids, and I feel sorry for Omarosa because she is a ugly person.

It was so disturbing watching the whole episode because both of them were dispicable.

Fuzzbait:

Just because someone "worked in SOME capacity in the Clinton administration" does not make them smart...(emphasis mine)

B-dub:

"I feel that Omarosa gets a bad rap, whether she brings it upon herself or not, that can be debated, or not. She is very smart..."

Whether she's smart or not is irrelevant. Hannibal Lector was smarter than Omarosa. Would you say he got a bad rap?

BoQueefa:

Yea she probably sucked Clintons d*ck to get the job since u know he likes him some darkies. Thank you Schadenfreude we held up pretty well I was 4-5 hours from the whole mess but its stuck up here in a way we are getting the wind not too bad around 15-20mph no rain yet but further east is getting the rain pretty bad. My family in the Houston area didn't get hit hard either they got a little rain some winds their power was knocked out a bit then it came back on and that was the end of it. The gas situation around here sucks balls because the stations are running out. I'm also sorry if our panic stricken minds also effects the gas anywhere else in the US hopefully by Monday they'll open the oil rigs back up.

megstar:

BoQueefa: "darkies?!?". I consider that to be racist since I am milk chocolate myself.

Since I do not know Hanibal Lecter personally, I thought he was a fictional character, I can not judge...(ha ha)

B-dub:

>

Do you know Amorosa personally?

Just to be clear, is your point that since Amorosa is "very smart" (an entirely dubious assertion anyway) she can't be despicable?

curly:

BoQueefa-
'darkies' is a pretty ugly word to use, try and leave the racial slurs at home.

P.S. great way to represent the lonestar state.

boo:

Having watched this episode, I think not being able to laugh at and detest Janice guilt-free will ruin the series for me.
I think Omarosa has made out pretty well. She's still pretty fun to hate.

BoQueefa:

I didn't mean it in a racist way, theres a lot of words I'd like to call Omorosa and I refrained from using one that is commonly used instead of "ignorant". I hate that woman with a passion and if I met her in person I would probably spit on her. So sorry if y'all look it in a racist way I love all colors of the rainbow but I hate that woman.

Rick D.:

Omorosa is a horrible person. Did anyone notice that in the previous episode when she went off on Janice during her interview that Janice was just walking by and was not making any noise at all? Jose was sitting on the couch talking, but Janice walking by disturbed her? She was just looking to stir shit up and saw Janice walking by as an opportunity to do just that, and make herself look "bitchy" to the interviewer. I can't stand her.

Rick D.

Mstreds:

Janice is all drama and Omarosa was an idiot for falling into that mess. Janice had been saving that tirade for the right moment. She has got more work done though. I saw her on Extra telling Kate Moss to get help. I LOVE PEPA, and Jose Canseco was my first gay crush. Sigh

Sonia:

Janice and Omarosa, both despicable, but going over all the television I've seen of them aside from Surreal Life, Omarosa wins by a c**t hair.
I'm wondering if the feeling about "stabbings" vs. "molestation" with a 7-time stabbing victim being the less plausible of the two is that most people feel that statistically, it is more likely to have been the victim of a pedophile than to have been stabbed repeatedly. Just a thought because I think considering the source (Omarosa and Janice) as being entirely truthful about anything is up for grabs.

lovin it, baby!:

I just saw part one of two: Dirty laundry. Does anybody know anything about the next episode? links to spoiler sites? i can't find anything, and it's killin me. i know i'm pathetic...save the comments, por favor. :D

ali:

Wow I know Janice is crazy but Omarosa is such a huge bitch! She needs to get over herself, she is not a celebrity just some reality show reject. I actually felt bad for Janice in this episode.

bybybtchs:

Lady O there used to work as a secretary (or administrative assistant) at the White House during the Clinton Administration. However she got "moved around" 5 times while she was there and was eventually let go. Gee wonder why?
Janice might be hanging on to her sanity by a silk thread but Omarosa just goes too far. She is vile and nasty whereas Janice, wel, Janice has that different sort of personality most 12 steppers had before they learn to 12 step. I feel bad for Janice if the stuff about her father is true. BTW - notice how it quietly slipped under the radar that Omarosa ditched her hubby after the Apprentice? That or he simply chewed off as many appendages as necessary to escape.
Ugh, I need a shower after talking about her.

I said it once and I'll say it again. I hate Omarosa. She is an ugly person (inside and out) and makes me want to vomit. To chuckle when hearing someone was molested ,even if you don't like the person, is disgusting. I hope she gets her ass kicked until she's black and blue. And I'm so glad that they smell her out as the fake on "Dirty Laundry". You low-rent, pathetic, heartless woman.

Taradash:

Okay everyone calm down, this is B*S show that is edited to look really bad, I wouldnt put it past the shows producers to ask both janice and O to stepp up the dramatics, DISTURBING they make previous episodes look like a children's play

want to see a really weird show?watch MY FAIR BRADY

now theres some really deep problems

Rowsie's Toesies:

IMHO Assomara is worse. Way worse. Like so bad she probably got her imaginary stabbings from her imaginary friends because even they hate her.

amygirl:

Wow, I started a whole thread of conversation here with my little insignificant comments. I am so proud, I feel like B-Side or J-Unit. Hail to the Kings (you too, Sg-Dub).

Lady Vidora:

check out the vspot on VH1's website. There's a whole video from the next show where you can really see that Omarosa's bithiness is NOT an act.

Corinne Adele:

Omarosa is not an evil person. She is not ugly. she is not bitchy, and even if she is, you all only hate her because she is black. You think she's ugly because of her black skin, and you love to hate her because there goes another african bitch, right. All you racist white fuckers can kiss my ass, because if omarosa was white, shed be every ones favorite bitch. You can all cry out and claim its not true, but every last one of you is a racist fuck, who would clutch your purse as soon as a black person got on the elevator with you. Try to focus on the fact that Janice is a washed up, ego-maniac with a shockingly low IQ and is not americas first supermodel. And Balki is nothing but a disgusting, slimy old perv with janice dickinson in his spank bank.

SnappyDialogue:

Honestly, I don't believe that Janice Dickenson's father was a pedophile. She knows that the sex-abuse-survivor schtick is good publicity for her. She wasn't raped any more than she was the first supermodel.

xquizit4sure:

Corrine, I honestly don't believe that people hate Omarosa because she's black, we hate her because she's a vile, ugly BITCH. In my opinion, Omarosa could look like Halle Berry, and I would consider her ugly because of her personality.

xquizit4sure:

bybybtchs: I love the way you described Omarosa's husband "chewing his appendages to get away from her." However, I sure in her "deluded" mind, she thinks he's beneath her now that she's a "star."

Brandy:

I LOVE JANICE DICKENSON! Even though she is loud and annoying at times I think she is funny, and tells it how it is. She is the real deal. As for Omarosa...she is an ugly bitch inside and outside. Shes just jelous of janice. :)

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