Remember The Savage... Skidmark - 
by sg-dub
Early Sunday evening, after I enjoyed a few pops with EdHill at my favorite local watering hole watching my Uconn Huskies advance to the Sweet 16, I ate some dinner and dozed off in my comfy living room chair. A few hours later I was awoken by the plaintive wails of my 2-month old son, baby-dub.
"Daaa-liii," he mused, "Daaa-liiiii!" Whatever, I thought; he's just testing out a new sound. Awakened, I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock to see what time it was - Whoa! In my beery sleep-deprived state, the clock appeared to be melting off the wall! Totally freaked, I looked around and noticed the windows had gotten very small. "Daaa-liii," baby-dub continued. Oh... Wait... That's right, it was time for another season of VH1's Surreal Life and my genius son was simply reminding me not to miss the premiere. And boy, am I glad he remembered - because my weekend wouldn't have been complete without seeing a prosthetic boob, a bunch of washed up coke-heads, and a skidmark for the ages.
Yes folks, it's back. Making lemonade out of a lemon, after the jump.
Towards the end of the last "Surreal Life" I told myself I would never watch - let alone recap - this show again. I grew to hate Omarosa and Janice Dickenson so much that it was affecting my personal life. But then I remembered the halcyon days of Corey Feldman in the first season. Flashes of Mini-Me peeing in the corner and Chyna high on some drug cocktail sparked in my brain. Memories of Vanilla Ice carrying Gary Coleman around a diner and visions of Webster's and MC Hammer's goofy piousness made me realize what this show couldbe. And so... I'm in. For now.
The latest incarnation, however, has a rather glaring problem: Who the frick gives a crap about these people? Radio host Wendy Williams did a voice-over welcome and introduced us to this season's greeter - Jimmy Pardo. Jimmy Pardo? Yeah, me neither. But the joke is on us - Mr. Pardo was on an episode of "Becker" in 2000 and that, my friends, is the pinnacle of comedy. Anyway, Pardo was following in the footsteps of Andy Dick and Kathy Griffin so I guess he'll be updating his imdb profile soon enough.
The first arrival was Sherman Helmsley who made his mark as George Jefferson in the 70's. "The Jeffersons" was a damn funny show, and George's constant insulting of Bentley, Tom, and Flo was classic television. So I'm down with Sherm - especially since he apparently embraces his claim to fame and gave us viewers a "Weezy" shout-out. I found it weird that the show's producers captioned his speech, as I totally understood him at the outset.
The next to arrive was the washed up 80's Whitesnake video vixen, Tawny Kitaen. She declared that she hadn't had a drink in her life but quickly reminded us that she did enjoy cocaine and other hard drugs for years. Looking at her now compared to her drug-fueled days of yore, I can't think of a better endorsement for the nose candy. I can now also understand how she gave ex-husband Chuck Finley a good fight and why Maaco would love for her to roll over every car hood in town. Oi vey. She did greet Helmsley as "George," which gave me an unexpected chuckle.
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