Previous seasons of The Surreal Life have given voice to likes of MC Hammer, Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, Vanilla Ice, Ron Jeremy and that old chick from 90210...no the other old chick.
Needless, to say this season had a lot to live up to.
How can a show maintain the integrity, the honesty...the reliability of its predecessors? As if performing a public service to warn children of the prolong effects of exposure to drugs and alcohol, VH1 has given roof to Flava Flav, Charro, Bridgette Nielson and some less interesting decent people.
Before I begin my bitter barrating of VH1's Surreal Life cast, I would just like to take a personal moment to give big ups to Dave Coulier. There is nothing wrong with this man. He comes off as a stand-up guy (pun not intended). I have been a huge fan (term used loosely) of his since a little show in the 80's OUT OF CONTROL, which when I was 6 in 1984 was all the must see TV I needed. After a long hiatus from TV he is a welcome addition back into my prime time.
Editors Note - The above mentioned fanatacism over Dave Coulier, was not intended to sound half as gay as it ultimately did. If you felt as uncomfortable as I, please level yourself off here before continuing with the article.
Its been a while since Joey Fatone graced the screen in BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, or Joey McIntyre taught the children of BOSTON PUBLIC. I it is time to be exposed to another former boy band member who just doesn't get it. Thankfully Craig Burk of Evolution Talent Agency (who reps such musical icons as LFO, ACE OF BASE, LOU BEGA, AARON CARTER, B*Witched the list goes yawn..on, the list goes on) agrees and decided it was time to allow his client NKOTB's very own Jordon Knight to make his television return.
What took him so long? Jordan Knight is charismatic, funny, charming. Why, he’s TV GOLD! Here’s one doozy from the pilot episode, he moves into the backroom, puts his luggage in the doorway, and takes a nap not talking to anyone!!! MY GOODNESS!! WHAT WONT HE DO!? That Nut!
What would the house be without the young obligatory vixen like , bitchy, alcoholic slut? (Season one, Jerri. Season two, Trishelle.) Well, based on her punk rock fashion during the 1st season of American Idol, I’m sure that’s exactly what the Producers thought they were getting when they brought on Ryan Starr.
Much to their chagrin it turns out Ryan is not a drinker. She mimed a glass of wine when the guests all did a house toast. She doesn’t cuss. What an F'ing shame. And she doesn’t have sex…at all…yet. Though they will never admit it, you know someone in casting got fired for that. Damn decent, sweet smoking hot chicks, they make lousy TV.
So far, this isn’t turning out to be the event programming one would hope for. Nice comic, sleeping NKOTB kid, virgin rock star? Don’t worry there are enough whack jobs to go around.
Let’s breeze through Charro. She’s old. She has big nubs. She has bad facial surgery. And I don’t know what the hell she says. Oh, and my dad tells me she was on a show called LOVE BOAT which I think is just a rip off of that show from UPN that ran a few seasons ago called LOVE BOAT: THE NEXT WAVE.
Former wife of Sly Stallone makes her reality debut naked, drunk and very European. There was a time when this exotic beauty would be called both exotic and a beauty. However time has torn Bridget Nielson to bits. Now she resembles my grandfather’s golf buddie Lester (photo to come), With her looks fading, and by fading I mean gone, and by gone I mean wow she’s hideous, she can no longer mask her complete insanity. How on Earth can anyone be romantically involved with this whack job, let alone live with her ? Be romantically involved in and live with…..FLAVA FLAV.
I am not sure if this is a screen cap from the show or perhaps where the producers found Flava Flav during casting, pushing a shopping cart in Hollywood.
Anyway you slice it, this guy is really something. He is a scared straight program in pants.
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Comments (7)
FLAVA FLAV! is this season's I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! remember, you heard it here first.
1 of 7 | Posted by matt | Posted on September 15, 2004 10:03 AM
I second that.
2 of 7 | Posted by b-side | Posted on September 15, 2004 10:19 AM
I third that emotion.
Try shouting it while running through the living room with your cat held above your head. Good clean family fun.
3 of 7 | Posted by freakgirl | Posted on September 15, 2004 4:41 PM
Freakgirl, that makes no sense, but it made me laugh, so bravo!
4 of 7 | Posted by b-side | Posted on September 15, 2004 5:02 PM
Freakgirl..
Im so turned on by that...is that wrong?
madeyoulaugh
5 of 7 | Posted by madeyoulaugh | Posted on September 15, 2004 5:51 PM
okay, i watched this show yesterday.....it actually made me feel sorry for Ryan Starr after all the pain she caused my eardrums during her stint on American idol. I finally had to turn it off because watchin flav and Bridgette canoodle in the pool was giving me a tummy ache.
6 of 7 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on September 16, 2004 6:33 AM
Okay, so did anyone else want to bitch slap Ryan Starr after the 9/26/04 episode? She convinced some poor hotel worker (who, let's be honest, probably had never heard of her and agreed only because of the cameras in his face!)to give her a room by promising to sing (and Brigitte would dance--woo, what a treat!) Then, goes to her room and refuses to answer the phone because she didn't want to perform. Does she think she's a diva? She's a talent show NON-winner that has gone nowhere since her loss. What part of that gives her the right to shit on people?
Ryan, honey, get over yourself!!
7 of 7 | Posted by Eyeroller | Posted on September 27, 2004 1:45 PM