You Got the Write Stuff, Baby

write_stuffWhen Jordan Knight agreed to appear on this latest season of The Surreal Life, I am sure he was hoping to do a lot of things, not the least of which was convince the world that he did actually exist and convince the world that Donnie Wahlberg is not the only member of New Kids on the Block to achieve a legitimate career in the entertainment industry. Mission accomplished on the first, not so much on the second. If there is anything this season of The Surreal Life has taught us, it is that Jordan Knight probably should never sing or act again, lest humanity be unable to recover again.

All of the Surreal Life housemates are tasked with creating a new song in just 24 hours worth of time. Unfortunately for all of them, the producer of this little ditty would be none other than Jordan Knight. Jordan, instantly realizing how important this opportunity would be for him, immediately put on his producer shades to let the world know that he meant business. The rest of the house was so enthusiastic with the exception of Flavor Flav, who mentioned that he was sporting a hard on because of all the excitement. If only all of us could be so fulfilled with our work. The others were not so sure, and probably weren't even half-mast thinking about what sort of mess Jordan would come up with. I don't see the problem. It has been five years since Jordan released anything, so he surely spent that time growing as a musician, right?

Things appeared to be going well at first, the studio they picked was one Charro was familiar with, so she thought it was going to be a hit. Flavor Flav was so excited, he asked his stylist to come and and do his hair (all that time in the water can do a number on your locks). During this time, he had a discussion with Brigitte, who said that she could be with him, but he would have to get rid of the gold teeth and the clock. It's fine for the performer, but not for the home. Flav said that he would do all of that, but they would have to be married. I'm not sure if Flav was serious or if he was just hallucinating from his hair being pulled into those thin cornrows for so long. I am hoping it was the latter. I love these two on TV, but does the world need another trainwreck in the making marriage to keep track of?

While Flav was getting done up, Jordan was trying to get some things done on the new track. There are probably plenty of people out there wondering how in the hell Jordan was going to throw together sounds as diverse as Charro, Dave Coulier, and Ryan Starr together and make it sound good enough for the radio. The answer is that he decided that he would do what he knows best (sucky R&B), mix it up with a little Flavor Flav attitude and if the other people could add anything, that would be great. It is difficult describing just how awful it was to watch Jordan go to work. On second thought, you can probably imagine how painful it was, as I am sure many of you are still old enough to remember what he and his crew did on stage. He upset Charro to no end, because she was used to working with professionals. She was open to what he had to do, but he really had no clue what it was supposed to sound like and couldn't coach her at all. Jordan attributed this to the fact Charro was classically trained, and he was not. She wanted yo know such frivolous information as what chord to play, but he didn't know what an "A" or "G" chord was, and couldn't understand why she thought it was so essential to have some sort of idea what notes she was supposed to play. Charro eventually finished her recording, but was clearly upset at the JV operation she was becoming a part of.

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Comments (5)

I enjoyed Flavor Flav's proclamation that he's "tender-headed."

I also enjoyed/loathed the sounds of Jordan Knight and Brigitte squealing away to the music. Brigitte at least has the modesty to state that she has no talent whatsoever. Jordan - he sounded like a slowly deflating balloon.

And Charro was right. The music was very 1999 pop. But what does she know? She's only some marginal, random, world-reknowned musician.

nice Brigitte pic, btw.

Ananda Fan:

whooa! go Bridgette and your luvverly set of k'nockers!!!

Leah3t:

I love how Jordan believes that Pearlman came to a NKTOB concert and said "a boy band! what a good idea!".....yeah that's it Jordan. The influence of bands the Temptations, Jackson Five, and New Edition, arguably the early Beatles....that had nothing to do with it.

And how could any producer not know basic chords? There's "no Classical training" and then there's "no knowledge of music".

Line of the Episode: "Maybe the Germans will like it".

Ananda Fan:

viva les knockers!!! I cannot get enough of Brigite's heavenly orbs!

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