Hey gasmii, sorry I missed you all last week! I've got a good excuse though, really. You see, I was having a huge get-together, and things got a little out of hand. It was basically a Duke lacrosse party, only with lesser odds at getting laid. So, of course the po-po showed up and told us to keep it down. The guests weren't having any of it though, and some uninvited pizza king from New Jersey felt the need to talk shit to the cops. This, of course, pissed them off even more, so I felt like I had to take one for the team, and I started hitting on Officer Pigfornicator. Unfortunately, he's not into second generation immigrant hustlers, and me being a real person, living a real life, without cameras - I got tossed into jail. But finally, after many days in the clink, I'm here for you gasmii, to give you all your next dose of a SHOT AT LOVE II WITH TILA TEQUILA.
That sounds kind of familiar...
So, because I was getting a strawberry shortcake from some guy name Roy in a jail cell and missed a week, I should probably run down what happened on episode 2 of A Shot at Love II. I'll try to get through it quickly. Basically, everyone moved into the house and the girls were all nervous that they'd get teabagged in the middle of the night. Chad brought a blow-up doll so that's a valid consideration.
"Brittany better sleep with her eyes open cause I'm gonna give her the good old Early Gray tonight!"
So do you remember the last recap, when it didn't make sense why Kyle would be participating in this show? For the most part he seems like a normal, good looking guy. Well, it becomes quite clear when after Tila pulls Lisa (the softball coach from New Jersey) aside for some alone time, and Kyle creepily hovers over them. He says menacingly that when he sees something he wants, he goes after it. The two try to dismiss him once more, and Tila moves on to the girl she's most physically attracted to in the house, Sirbrina. After they do some stuff people didn't show on television 10 years ago, Kyle comes once again, this time with a bit of a gay sass to him. He sits down and pats Sirbrina's leg while she's making out with Tila, then says to them, "You naughty girls." He then tries to go in for the kiss and Tila gives him a diss turn of the head.
"Checkout this mother fu**er"
Continuing with the Vegas theme, they play a game with special dice that had clothes on them. Whatever article of clothing that was rolled must come off, and the person with the most article of clothings after everyone else got naked won a date with Tila. Things we learned from this: Kristy's got a big ol ass. She wins the challenge for the girls, George wins for the guys and starts doing one of the dances from his gogo-boy routine.
"It'll cost you twenty bucks to give me a blow j"
The date is at Tila's "club" which looks like Tony Montana's basement. George blows it by being his stupid, simple self. For example, when Tila asks what he likes about her he says, "everything." Kristy, smelling an opportunity to pounce on an idiot, says that "men overlook the details." George responds that one of the specific things he likes about her is that "I'm not very tall. So I mean, you being short definitely matches with me." Tila laughs in his face, because he's a dumbass. Because my smallest bowel movements are smarter than George, Kristy starts talking and comparatively looks brilliant in front of Tila. Seirously, George makes her look like Alan f'ing Greenspan.
After seeing that ass, my interest rates are going up.
Everyone runs upstairs, and Samantha goes right to the can't-do-without-it, stripper pole. She falls into a slow split on the floor and does a gymnastic move worthy of a gold medal at the slutlympics. Bo, like my old soccer coach who knew the shift changes at the Gold Club (Any ATLiens familiar?), notes that it was the "patented stripper split bounce. If I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousand times."
"It's 3:30. Shift change at 4 o'clock. Wanna go hang out by the parking lot?"
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Comments (7)
Is anyone out there besides me really hating this group of contestants? I especially hate that everytime they do their one on one interviews, something insanely cliche and obvious always comes out of their mouths. For example, during a competition, some random douchebag or slut will say "I'm just trying to win this." Are you now? Because to be honest, I think most people while playing a game would try to LOSE!
And I hate Chad. I think he just might be the archetype of the date rapist.
1 of 7 | Posted by Philemon | Posted on May 13, 2008 8:53 AM
I agree with both points above - that the contestants say predictable stuff and that Chad is the archetype of a date rapist - that being said, Chad is one of the few who doesn't just deliver lame sound bites, and until he does something that's just plain wrong, as opposed to simply obnoxious, I'm kind of enjoying him on this show.
Really interested to see what Bo says that makes him flip out and crack him in the face next week. Because, let's be honest, Bo kinda is a douchebag and probably deserves a good punch in the face. Matter of fact, I'd say he gives Chad some pretty good competition in the date-rapist-archetype dept.
2 of 7 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on May 13, 2008 10:30 AM
Hmm ... I can't decide which might be worse, a weekend in the clink or being forced to watch this show on repetition.
Totally agree, the contestants definitely seem to be on "reading cue card of cliche reality show one liners" ... but ... I will totally tune in to see what the fight is all about.
Great recap!
3 of 7 | Posted by mhechtua | Posted on May 13, 2008 1:30 PM
Wow...a two-fer.
I think the The Chad character is one of the most hateful I've seen on these shows--not that I'm blaming the actor portraying him/it. I blame the producers for being such idiots for inventing this moron. Clearly they're marketing the show to 13-year-olds.
And I do love how cheap the 'dates' are on this show. Five minutes on a couch is a date? They don't even make bother to make an effort to pretend anymore.
4 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 13, 2008 2:39 PM
Five minutes on a couch might be all it takes...
5 of 7 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on May 13, 2008 3:49 PM
You know, HayHor, I was so busy with my rant that I forgot to thank you for capping two episodes extremely well. I only read recaps of a few shows here, but it seems that when a recapper misses writing about an episode, he or she will start off with an apology and then write something like "Previously: stuff happened. I forgot to write about it. Get over it." To have a recapper who does not do that is kind of rare. So thanks for providing a double-dose of your humor!
And I can see what you mean about Chad kind of being the only distinct character on the show as of now. But, you know, I think their is a difference between being distinct and being vile. That guy is simply vile, in my opinion, and no amount of distinction can change that.
And as far as this show being marketed to 13 year olds, itchy, my only response is "Good God, I hope that's not the case." I think this is wonderful trash TV, but could possibly be dangerous with an impressionable viewer.
6 of 7 | Posted by Philemon307 | Posted on May 13, 2008 9:50 PM
Thanks for the love Philemon.
Did anyone watch last night? Check for the next recap soon - Chad has gone from one of my favorites to worst person on reality television ever?
Although Bo's kind of a douchebag too. Anyways, you'll see what I mean soon.
Until then, Gasmii.
7 of 7 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on May 14, 2008 10:36 AM