Avi's really shvitzing/turned on at this point, and after noting that they must really love each other because they were "practically eating one another", he suggests Tila come over to give Rachel a little kiss. Somehow not creeped out by the request, Tila complies. Then, after kissing Rachel, she gives Dorlee some sugar and notes that it's more like a family orgy than a family dinner. After all the smooching, Tila asks to see Dorlee and Rachel's breasts, and after watching, I'm sure there's a number of folks out there who lost their family dinner.
I hate to think of what they come up with for dessert.
The moms have manishewitz flowing through their veins at this point, so they decide to give each other a little peck. Jay interrupts the incestual weirdness by inciting more incestual weirdness - with a trip to the hot tub. Everyone begins staring at Tila as soon as she gets into a bikini, and Eli grabs her over to him, sitting her on his lap. He later says, creepily to the camera, "Tila's a gorgeous girl...she's got a gorgeous body...mmmmmm."
"What are you doing with this punk? I'M the transportation executive."
Tila starts getting tossed around the hot tub even more and ultimately ends up in Jay's lap. The two start making out vigorously, which incites the swappers to go at it with their own wives. Jay's brother Adam, meanwhile, has to sit there in extreme discomfort.
"Can I go now?"
That's not true, actually, as Tila pays attention to him so he doesn't feel left out. She seems intent on bedding the whole family, and as the men start discussing what a piece of a Jay's got, she sees her opportunity to infiltrate on the mothers. Finding them lying, drunkenly, on a pink bed, she seduced them.
"Rachel, stop staring at Tila's tits, we're having a conversation."
Tila leaves the house feeling like she just came out of a "porn convention," but Ari believes there is no one else that can come between his son and Tila. Jay seems to think so as well as he said, "I don't know if it's at love status but it's getting there." Nonetheless, Tila returns to the house feeling "closer to everyone." Jay returns to the house yelling, "MY MANSION," and it makes me hope that Tila isn't feeling closer to everyone.
I know that being in a big, tacky house where everyone got naked in the pool once sounds like home, but it doesn't make it your mansion.
The last four houseguests tell each other about Tila's visit to their hometowns, and Bo's puts everyone to sleep. It seems like he might be the odd man out based on his visit, but I'd bet Tila needs to keep one all-American type person in the running. Jay catches on that Bo's visit was boring, and it makes him feel that his visit blew everyone out of the water. Bo admits that his hometown visit look like a "visit with the grandparents."
Which makes you the lame uncle that still lives with them.
After all's said and done, it's time for elimination, and of the 4 people left, tila is going to choose only one person to go home. After giving Kristy a key, Tila picks Bo and, unsurprisingly, he does something incredibly cheesy. He checks his pulse and after Tila asks if he's ok, he says, "I need my nurse."
No, you need any last shred of dignity you've got, douchebag.
It comes down to Jay and Brittany, and Tila stuns Jay by simply telling him, "You're just not my type. By the way, Jersey called and they want you back." You can see the anger erupting to the surface so clearly, that I have to put it in phases.
Phase I: Shock
Phase II: Dismay
Phase III: Anger
Phase IV: Aggression
Yes, that's right Jay knocked over the key stand. And a vase. He storms off the set screaming, "made me get a stupid tattoo." Yes Jay, because of this show, you will not be able to be buried in a Jewish Cemetery. But don't worry, when all's said and done, you'll know that somewhere out there in the world, there's a douchebag with one just like it (only it has a slightly gayer heart in it). That, and we'll always have the tape of you punching the side of a house, saying it's Bo's face, and then walking away saying that it hurt and it's gonna scab up.
Grade A Dumbass back on the market, ladies.
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Comments (11)
No, no, they're not Jersey Jews, they're Israelis, which is a huge difference-really, not the same thing at all-- and explains why you mistook him for Italian!
I think the whole angry Jay thing was a set up. It was just too abrupt--why would she be so harsh to him like that? And his reaction was just a sham --you could tell he was following a script.
Which leads me to suspect that the 'family' was a setup too, a bunch of actors....they stole the idea from the last Bachelor in an effort somehow to spice up this boring show.
Have to admit, I like the blonde (never can remember her name) for the win. Seems like the only one left who can keep up with the Tila party..
I just wish there were a time machine, a way to flash forward and see what Tila's doing in 10 years...
1 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 16, 2008 11:55 PM
I find myself really hoping that Brittany wins this thing. I like Kristy and all, but dude, she looks like she hasn't slept in months most of the time. Her eyes are always so baggy and swollen and it makes me want to cut up some cucumber and put it on the TV screen!
Two things that made me laugh out loud this episode (besides the obvious things that made me retch throughout):
1. I love how when Tila is visiting Kristy's family, she's talking about how she's been saying the same thing as Kristy's aunt for years, about it being the person on the inside that counts. HOWEVER, I thought she had never come out to ANYONE since last season? And that wasn't even a full year ago. Tila, tell your writers to get whole fake biography right. Indescrepancies are a big no-no. And maybe once they do that, they can write your interviews too, cause you sure got a lot of ego in that little body. The world does not revolve around you.
Anyway..rant over..my next giggle moment was:
2. When Jay is leaving and Tila says "Where you froooooooom?" expecting the normal obnoxious "JER-SEYYY!" and gets "STFU, bitch!" haha. I hate him but I had to laugh at that point.
2 of 11 | Posted by narcissistic | Posted on June 17, 2008 5:23 AM
narcissistic--I also loved Jersey's reply to Tila at the end.
Jersey's family---I am at a loss for words. Was that the Mom showing the boobs to the son's, or the Step-mom? I think even Tila decided that Jersey's family was too much.
3 of 11 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on June 17, 2008 6:44 AM
Wow Hayhor a little heavy on the Jewish thing don't you think? Or did you not realize how bad the "He's a Jew!" would sound to all of us Jewish readers? I've been a fan, but reading this recap felt the same as being sucker punched. I'm sure it's hard to find jokes in this pathetic show, but there's got to be a better way than going for the Vietnamese, Italian, Jewish bigotry.
4 of 11 | Posted by rosesarered | Posted on June 17, 2008 7:38 AM
Rosesarered,
I want to apologize if you felt insulted when I wrote that. Most of my friends are Jewish (reform, but nonetheless devout) and when I'm worried about crossing the line, I think "would they be insulted?"
Granted, they make more Jewish jokes about themselves than I do, but I could say the same for myself and Puerto Rican jokes, so you get the picture.
Nonetheless, you should know that the intent is not to disrespect anyone except Jay's embarrasing family. I hope you'll accept my apology.
Oh and itchy...you're totally right, those Israeli dudes can't get enough!
5 of 11 | Posted by HayHor | Posted on June 17, 2008 8:14 AM
Great recap. Thanks!
Itchy: I want to believe that Jay's reaction was genuine, since I found him to be more repugnant than even that Detroit loon.
I predict that in ten years Tila will be doing "Shot at Love XI - this time I really mean it", only she'll look even wierder due to some unfortunate choices in plastic surgery.
For Bo's sake, I hope he doesn't "win". And that dark haired girl has stalker written all over her - (do you really think her family was "out of town"? I say get a search warrant and some corpse sniffing blood hounds.)
For those reasons, I'll take the blonde for the win.
6 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 17, 2008 8:32 AM
Whoever said to Brandon (Bo), "You should use the nickname Bo instead of your actual name Brandon, its much cooler" should be punched in the face.
Tila, you ass, you should've picked Danni.
7 of 11 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on June 17, 2008 9:18 AM
fire@will: well, maybe it was a genuine reaction on the first take...but by the time they got done with the version that was edited into the show, it just came off as too rehearsed.
But a putz is a putz is a putz...whereever he's from!
8 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 17, 2008 10:09 AM
itchy:
that really is jay's family. i graduated high school a year after jay and knew him and his family (mostly his brother adam) my entire life. never knew they were that nuts behind closed doors though!
9 of 11 | Posted by User Name | Posted on June 17, 2008 11:21 AM
In that case....ick.
10 of 11 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 17, 2008 12:32 PM
Great recap!
I'm from Yonkers, New York and it was very entertaining seeing Tila at a place I've been to a million times.
Can't wait for the finale, I know who wins though so there won't be that much excitement, ugh its sad how into this show I am...
11 of 11 | Posted by stina | Posted on June 18, 2008 9:57 PM