Hey everyone! Sorry this recap's a little late - I had something going on the past few days that had something I think to do with turkey. I know it had a lot to do with booze. And my grandma asking me yet again when I'm going to get married and have lots of babies. I may or may not have claimed to be a lesbian just to shut her up. For that matter, my parents may or may not still be giving me the silent treatment. Ah, the holidays make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But that may just be the booze... Yeah it's the booze.
Anyway, this week on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, we finally get to see the fallout from the catfight of the century! When we last left our brave contestants, Tranny Vanny was wailing and rolling around on a rug, Lizard Killer was insisting on leaving while trying to crush Tila's disproportionally large skull, and Bobby was suffering through some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder flashbacks as he nervously checked for Professor Ashley to come bursting through the doors.
Is it just me, or do you guys hear some banjoes playing?
This week, we open with LK still insisting to Tila that she has to go home, both girls crying as we hear TV continue to wail in the background. Tila loses it, yelling at LK that she can't believe LK's just going to quit after putting Tila and everyone else through the catfight drama. Her voice reaches such a high pitch that my neighbor's dog starts howling. Yes, Tila, I'm sure that was hard on you, but to be fair, you didn't get yanked to the ground and your hair ripped out at the scalp by a transvestite. Tila's seriously pissed, but LK doesn't give a shit what Tila thinks right now - she's getting the hell out of there. As LK leaves, Bobby correctly points out that LK is letting TV win, because all TV really wanted was for LK to leave. And that second surgery. Always having to tuck it back is so annoying.
By the next morning the production assistants have picked up the clumps of LK's scalp and hair lying around, and the final five finds a message from Tila directing them to put on their bathing suits and meet her out back. Guido shows up in a white thong/jock strap, and it looks semi-transparent already and it's not even wet yet. I never thought I'd wish to see the Italian flag Speedo, but there you go. The editors blur his ass cheeks when he turns around to show Tila, which confuses me because the image of his ass has already been burned into my brain from the other countless times we've had to look at it. Too little, too late, editors. Guido tells us that he wants to make sure Tila knows what he has to offer her down there, and the answer to that is very, very little.
The challenge is one we've seen before on other shows - each of the contestants must jump into a gigantic pool of chocolate, and then race over to their bucket and wring it off themselves. The person with the most chocolate in his or her bucket after five minutes wins a solo date with Tila. The other four will have to pair up for two-on-one dates. Between Pamela Amanda's nappy hair and Manly Dani's long shorts, the ladies are definitely favored in this one.
I'm gonna wash that bisexual right outa my hair...
The competition begins, and Amanda knows what's up, telling us that between her hair and her massive rack, she's got it made. Bobby's strategy is to make as many trips to and from the chocolate as possible, which Dani criticizes, saying he wasn't taking the time to actually get chocolate in the bucket. Guido complains that his "swimsuit" doesn't hold as much as other people's, but that's just one of many, many reasons not to wear butt floss. Butterface Ryan gets confused, and winds up defecating in his bucket.
Oh man, yes, that feels great.
« Beauty and the Geek: Merl-ughh | | I Love New York 2: Take a Chance On Me »
Comments (10)
FUNNY RECAP! GOod job.
I was so sad to see Guido go! I really wanted to meet his "italian" family. Am I the only one or has Tila never actually made out with Guido throughout the entire show? Tell me if I'm wrong.
Next episode looks awesome.
1 of 10 | Posted by IheartDumBTV | Posted on November 25, 2007 7:01 PM
Now that I think about it I don't remember Tila ever making out with Guido. Trippy. If she was truly looking for love, I wonder why she kept him so long? I mean, she had to have known she wasn't sexually attracted to him from a while ago.
Love to hear your Turkey day went as "normal" as mine, LoLo. It consisted of my older sister calling the entire family a bunch of cheap asshole bastards and refusing to bring my nieces to dinner at my mother's. What caused this you may ask? In her opinion the turkey wasn't big enough and "...who the fuck eats ham for Thanksgiving..."
I heart the holidays.
2 of 10 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 25, 2007 10:04 PM
I love this show so much, but the recaps are a close second. In the meantime, I feel like Dani is most definitely in the lead and everyone on the show simply can't see it. Is it her androgyny that makes her invisible to everyone but Tila? Also, in total Mtv editing fashion, it sounded like in this episode Tila was dubbed in saying that Dani is "the best of both worlds." Foreshadowing much?
3 of 10 | Posted by jito | Posted on November 25, 2007 10:07 PM
Since I can't post a URL in the comments, I thought I would point you to the direction of dlisted.com, LoLo. Apparently MTV has sent out a casting notice "for a new show called "That's Amore!" The show will star Domeico Nessi who was recently booted from A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila."
More Italy Speedo? Sweet.
4 of 10 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:31 PM
I think Dani is under the radar because the others don't get to see all the intimate scenes we do.
I think it totally makes sense that Guido was written off early to work on a spin off.
He clearly was being kept around for some reason not related to chemistry.
He may have inked the new deal even before Tila started taping.
I don't think Guido is a "real" person - just an actor playing a character.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:57 PM
Absolutely LOVED the photo captions ... I agree with Fire@Will about Dani being discounted (or perhaps they don't want to see her as a threat?)
Although Guido was entertaining in this context, I don't know if he's got enough to support an entire show ... ??? Guess we will see!
Great recap :)
6 of 10 | Posted by chelle | Posted on November 26, 2007 2:47 PM
Sorry to hear about your interesting holidays, Lolo. But your recap was hilarious; definitely the highlight of my day!
This may sound stupid, but maybe the guys aren't worried about Dani cause she's not totally masculine competition and the girls aren't worried because she's not total female competition. But then again, I think that's why she is the main competition.
Also, I really don't see what Tila sees in Ryan. They seem to have no chemistry, which isn't surprising. At least Guido would've been entertaining!
Anyway, keep up the great recaps. Can't wait till tomorrow's episode!
7 of 10 | Posted by hotteach | Posted on November 26, 2007 7:57 PM
I'm sure that Guido was kept around for the drama factor, but then a part of me knows that this show is sooo low budget anyway (have you seen the message in a bottles are either in Tila's or some random person's messy handwriting and not printed like on other shows??) that if Guido truly is from Milan the production team wasn't going to pay the $$ to fly them to Italy. I don't think Southwest does transcontinental flights.
8 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on November 27, 2007 6:25 AM
I think your recaps are great, but just one thing: I don't understand the hate on Domenico's "size." I understand that him putting himself out there by wearing skimpy things makes himself open to be a target, but for a white man, Domenico is right on par, or about average size down there. I don't know if Lolo is a black woman or what her experience level is, but judging from the bulge in his pants, Domenico is about what most white men are.
9 of 10 | Posted by seraphmoon | Posted on November 27, 2007 11:41 AM
Hey guys! Thanks for reading, and for the great comments as always! I hope to have this week's recap up sometime tomorrow.
Uglycutie, your Thanksgiving story totally cracked me up. That's something I could see going down in my family as well.
I do think Guido was kept around partly by producers, but I also suspect that Tila kept him around because he entertained her. From what I can tell, she's been pretty set on Bobby as her top boy for a long time now, so why not keep around the goofy kid that makes her laugh over some cheeseball that's going to maul and bore her?
LeeH -- thanks for the info! I'm not surprised that he's getting a spin-off, but that definitely made my day :) I also wonder if he's really strong enough to carry his own show, Chelle... but you know I'll be watching regardless!
And Seraphmoon -- I didn't mean to give the impression that I was hating on Guido's size, or on him in general. It just amuses me that he flaunts himself and talks about himself so often, as if he's the second coming (no pun intended) of Dirk Diggler. He does look normal from the fleeting glances I send in that direction, but from the way he talks you'd think there was a Boeing 777 in his pants. That's all :)
10 of 10 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 29, 2007 8:37 AM