After the five minutes are up, Tila gathers the group to weigh their buckets and announce the winner. But before doing so, she reveals that the dates will help her decide whose homes to visit. Holy shit, hometown dates in "A Shot at Love"? I'm super excited about those possibilities - I'd especially love to see what kind of people spawned Guido. Speaking of Guido, he seems super excited as well, but you know his mind is frantically trying to figure out how he can convince Tila that Little Italy is actually Milan, Italy. Also problematic? That no one else in his family will have an accent. Unless they're a whole acting dynasty, like the Baldwins or something.
Ryan weighs in first, and he has 50 pounds of chocolate. Amanda goes next, and gets 60 pounds. Guess Ryan should have pooped in his bucket some more. Guido's not really a contender with 41 pounds, and Dani comes very close with 57 pounds. It comes down to Bobby, who practically gives himself a hernia carrying his bucket to the scale. But it's all worth it, as his bucket comes in at 63 pounds, winning the challenge. Amanda complains that she missed the mark by just 3 pounds, but then admits she should have spent more time gathering the chocolate than eating the chocolate.
Run! It's Swamp Thing!
Afterwards, Tila dives in and joins the group for some chocolate frolicking, but before too long we're back inside. Guido's talking to Bobby and Ryan, who seems oddly edited in, as if the shots of him are from a totally different conversation. But that's just crazy talk. MTV never edits its shows to look like something that never happened happened, right? Anyway, Guido's worried that he hasn't gotten enough alone time with Tila, and that it may hurt him in the long run. Also hurting Guido are his "heritage", fashion sense, and sexual preferences.
Tila shows up for her date with Bobby, and takes him downstairs for some sushi. She teases him about not knowing how to use chopsticks while her nipples threaten to poke out his eyeballs. She looks like an extra from the set of Madonna's "Vogue" video. While they eat, Tila asks Bobby how his mom's going to react when he brings home a bisexual, tattooed attention-whore. Bobby assures her that his mother is blind and deaf, and therefore they will get along great. Tila reclines on some pillows while Bobby mounts her, and he babbles to both her and us about being nervous and in love before they make out.
A scene from the upcoming straight-to-video release "A Shot of Love Juice with Tila Tequila"
Later that night, Tila collects Ryan and Dani for their date, and questions both of them about their families. Ryan kicks things off, but I can't help but stare at the crazy widow's peak his fauxhawk is giving him. Receding hairline much, Ry? The nickname butterface has never been more appropriate than in this scene. After Dani shares a little bit about her family, she and Tila begin making out and cuddling while Ryan pouts and whines.
Suck it, bitch.
Looking for more drama and more ass, Tila then asks Ryan to show Dani how he does it. Ryan immediately plucks Tila from Dani's arms, and hauls her on top of him like a sack of potatoes. Dani bitches that he's pulling a Steven with Tila, and Ryan insists Tila likes it while pawing at her frantically. They break it up, and Tila asks Dani what she doesn't like about Ryan. Dani immediately calls him too aggressive, and Ryan lunges at her, slapping his fist into his palm, and heatedly saying that he's just an aggressive guy. Way to prove her point, asshat. Dani tells Tila that since Ryan's a dude, he only wants her body, while Ryan does one of those cough-bullshit!-cough things the rest of us stopped doing in 4th grade.
Tila diplomatically tells them that she's bonded with them both in different ways, and that it's a hard spot for her to be in. However, throughout this entire scene her body is turned towards Dani, and she only spares Ryan a few fleeting glances over her shoulder. She finally says goodbye, kissing Ryan on the forehead like a baby nephew, and heads off for her final date. Ryan clenches his fists in rage but wisely refrains from punching Dani, since she could totally kick his ass.
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Comments (10)
FUNNY RECAP! GOod job.
I was so sad to see Guido go! I really wanted to meet his "italian" family. Am I the only one or has Tila never actually made out with Guido throughout the entire show? Tell me if I'm wrong.
Next episode looks awesome.
1 of 10 | Posted by IheartDumBTV | Posted on November 25, 2007 7:01 PM
Now that I think about it I don't remember Tila ever making out with Guido. Trippy. If she was truly looking for love, I wonder why she kept him so long? I mean, she had to have known she wasn't sexually attracted to him from a while ago.
Love to hear your Turkey day went as "normal" as mine, LoLo. It consisted of my older sister calling the entire family a bunch of cheap asshole bastards and refusing to bring my nieces to dinner at my mother's. What caused this you may ask? In her opinion the turkey wasn't big enough and "...who the fuck eats ham for Thanksgiving..."
I heart the holidays.
2 of 10 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 25, 2007 10:04 PM
I love this show so much, but the recaps are a close second. In the meantime, I feel like Dani is most definitely in the lead and everyone on the show simply can't see it. Is it her androgyny that makes her invisible to everyone but Tila? Also, in total Mtv editing fashion, it sounded like in this episode Tila was dubbed in saying that Dani is "the best of both worlds." Foreshadowing much?
3 of 10 | Posted by jito | Posted on November 25, 2007 10:07 PM
Since I can't post a URL in the comments, I thought I would point you to the direction of dlisted.com, LoLo. Apparently MTV has sent out a casting notice "for a new show called "That's Amore!" The show will star Domeico Nessi who was recently booted from A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila."
More Italy Speedo? Sweet.
4 of 10 | Posted by LeeH | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:31 PM
I think Dani is under the radar because the others don't get to see all the intimate scenes we do.
I think it totally makes sense that Guido was written off early to work on a spin off.
He clearly was being kept around for some reason not related to chemistry.
He may have inked the new deal even before Tila started taping.
I don't think Guido is a "real" person - just an actor playing a character.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:57 PM
Absolutely LOVED the photo captions ... I agree with Fire@Will about Dani being discounted (or perhaps they don't want to see her as a threat?)
Although Guido was entertaining in this context, I don't know if he's got enough to support an entire show ... ??? Guess we will see!
Great recap :)
6 of 10 | Posted by chelle | Posted on November 26, 2007 2:47 PM
Sorry to hear about your interesting holidays, Lolo. But your recap was hilarious; definitely the highlight of my day!
This may sound stupid, but maybe the guys aren't worried about Dani cause she's not totally masculine competition and the girls aren't worried because she's not total female competition. But then again, I think that's why she is the main competition.
Also, I really don't see what Tila sees in Ryan. They seem to have no chemistry, which isn't surprising. At least Guido would've been entertaining!
Anyway, keep up the great recaps. Can't wait till tomorrow's episode!
7 of 10 | Posted by hotteach | Posted on November 26, 2007 7:57 PM
I'm sure that Guido was kept around for the drama factor, but then a part of me knows that this show is sooo low budget anyway (have you seen the message in a bottles are either in Tila's or some random person's messy handwriting and not printed like on other shows??) that if Guido truly is from Milan the production team wasn't going to pay the $$ to fly them to Italy. I don't think Southwest does transcontinental flights.
8 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on November 27, 2007 6:25 AM
I think your recaps are great, but just one thing: I don't understand the hate on Domenico's "size." I understand that him putting himself out there by wearing skimpy things makes himself open to be a target, but for a white man, Domenico is right on par, or about average size down there. I don't know if Lolo is a black woman or what her experience level is, but judging from the bulge in his pants, Domenico is about what most white men are.
9 of 10 | Posted by seraphmoon | Posted on November 27, 2007 11:41 AM
Hey guys! Thanks for reading, and for the great comments as always! I hope to have this week's recap up sometime tomorrow.
Uglycutie, your Thanksgiving story totally cracked me up. That's something I could see going down in my family as well.
I do think Guido was kept around partly by producers, but I also suspect that Tila kept him around because he entertained her. From what I can tell, she's been pretty set on Bobby as her top boy for a long time now, so why not keep around the goofy kid that makes her laugh over some cheeseball that's going to maul and bore her?
LeeH -- thanks for the info! I'm not surprised that he's getting a spin-off, but that definitely made my day :) I also wonder if he's really strong enough to carry his own show, Chelle... but you know I'll be watching regardless!
And Seraphmoon -- I didn't mean to give the impression that I was hating on Guido's size, or on him in general. It just amuses me that he flaunts himself and talks about himself so often, as if he's the second coming (no pun intended) of Dirk Diggler. He does look normal from the fleeting glances I send in that direction, but from the way he talks you'd think there was a Boeing 777 in his pants. That's all :)
10 of 10 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 29, 2007 8:37 AM