Testimonials

Tila takes the families down to the strip club in the basement, and Mrs. Bobby immediately blinds me by sliding up and down on a pole. Bobby and I are both scarred for life. Tila gets up to give a demonstration of proper pole dancing, while Cowboy Bill and Bobby's brother grin idiotically and resist the urge to touch themselves. Their restraint is rewarded a few moments later, when Tila's boobies come spilling out the top of her dress. After readjusting with some help from Mrs. Dani, Tila flounces over to the brother, grabs his head, and grinds it against her chest. He doesn't seem to mind her being touchy-feely this time around. Nothing like a face full of silicone to change a guy's mind.

Welcome to what strip clubs in hell must look like.

The next morning the families are gone, and Dani and Bobby are both crabby and anxious about that night's final elimination. They complain a bit about their mixed up emotions, and then find a message from Tila telling them she's arranged for a day of pampering and relaxation. As they enjoy pedicures, both Dani and Bobby flash back on how they got to the final two, and we revisit their journeys from the very beginning to now. We don't really see anything new in these montages so I won't rehash them, but I definitely got the feeling that Dani's showed more of a development of true feelings. But then again, I'm terribly biased since I'm so pro-Dani.

Tila comes to get Dani for their final dinner. After Dani briefly explains why she thinks she's the better match for Tila, she presents her with a small gift. It's a key chain with a note inside that has Dani's phone number on it so they can arrange from some quickies after Tila picks Bobby. Seriously, it seems as if Dani expects not to get chosen, and is practically giving Tila the green light to pick Bobby. Dani explains that the note is also to show that no matter what, Tila can call and rely on Dani regardless of what happens or how far apart they are. Tila loves the gift, and they retire to some pillows for cuddling and chaste kissing. I'm getting worried, y'all.

A scrap of paper! How fucking cheap of you!

Tila then meets Bobby for their final date in the hot tub. They sit there awkwardly, as Bobby yet again is struck with a case of the nerves. He finally gets comfortable enough to pull out his humongous... gift bag (what were YOU thinking?), and she opens it up to find an ugly floppy journal inside. He tells her it's so she has a place to jot down lyrics and compose songs. Oh, fantastic. Does that mean we get more lyrics like these: "I put down my city and I get-get-gridy / Yeah motherf*cker that's what's up / And just because you're a girl pretty / With some big ass t*tties / Don't mean I won't f*ck you up"? After the gift, Tila tries to ask him how he'll feel if she picks Dani instead, but Bobby doesn't want to talk about that. He does note that Dani's a really good dresser, like himself. Bobby, half the time you look like you're going to the rodeo, fyi. So they make out instead - much more than she did with Dani.

It's finally time for the elimination. Bobby bowleggedly (seriously, dude looks like he just got off the saddle) walks up to where Tila's waiting on a platform, while talking about how he's been the underdog from day one. I don't think that's true at all - if either one of them is an underdog, it's Dani, for Tila has told us tons of times that she's never really been interested in a butch, manly girl. Dani then begins walking towards the platform, telling us that it's going to break her heart if she isn't chosen.

Already near tears, Tila gives them the normal "this decision is so hard, I love you both" speech that's a staple for these dating shows. She tells Dani that once Dani began warming up to her, they had an amazing connection, and that Dani's the best of both worlds. She turns to Bobby, and says he constantly makes her laugh, makes her comfortable and literally fought for her. See, I wouldn't say he fought - it was more like Professor Ashley beat his ass and he just took it. Eh, semantics.

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Posted in Tila Tequila by LoLo at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: fire@will on Dec 27, 2007 06:51 PM.