The sexes mingle, and Guido tells us that there are obviously lesbians in his fake home country of Italy, but they don't show off like they do here. Pamela Amanda maturely says that this is a good opportunity for the guys to realize the difference between real lesbians and drunk sorority girls making out in bars. We then cut directly to butterface Ryan saying that Tila's going to be choosing between the penis and the vagina, and he hopes she chooses his penis. I don't think he's going to be learning anything from this experience except which STDs are treatable, and which you just have to wait for the rash to pass. Professor Ashley doesn't see the bisexuality as a problem, as long as there are some ground rules: "If she's gonna be in a bisexual relationship, I'm gonna be number one. Yeah, granted, I will let number two come in if she wants to be a hot girl..." Of everyone, candy-haired Lala is the most upset about the big bisexual reveal, and she hovers at the edge of the crowd. Professor Ahs.

Vanessa, whose butt-floss bikini clearly indicates she is here for the right reasons, grabs Tila for some alone time. Vanessa perches uncomfortably on a lawn chair, and she and Tila commiserate about how difficult it is to determine if you're straight or gay. My gay friends all say it wasn't really a question for them - they just knew - so I'm going to call bullshit on Vanessa being a lesbian right here. The fact that she stars as a naughty referee in a video on Maxim.com isn't really helping either. I can't figure this girl out. She's like that two-faced chick in that Seinfeld episode - sometimes she's really hot, and sometimes she just looks like a man. Because of that, I hereby dub her Tranny Vanny.

Maxim - and Tila - needs to do some quality control.

Meanwhile, Virgin Eric and Professor Ashley are chatting with Steffanie and the skunk hanging out on top of Grace's head. The Professor's doing a little research for his upcoming lecture on GBLT issues, and asks the ladies if they're just exploring their sexuality or what. Both girls indignantly inform him that they are indeed lesbians, and Steffanie hilariously points out that her appearance pretty much let that cat out of the bag. She's the kind of lesbian that would make Rosie O'Donnell hold up and say, "Shit, that girl is butch."

Eric and the Professor aren't the only two offending the girls. Across the pool, Guido is making inane remarks to Virgin Ashli, front-runner Rebecca, and Brandi (who is likely bff with Shauvon and Trasha, judging by her two-toned hair). Out of the blue, Guido gestures to Brandi's bikini and calls it disrespectful. Granted, Brandi's boobs may come flying out of the tiny top any second, but she looks hot. And Guido, you're wearing a banana hammock. Enough said. The girls retaliate by pointing at the tiny Italy inside Guido's speedo, and the sexes squabble. The conversation's hard to understand, with Guido's fauxcent becoming more garbled by the minute, but I definitely heard a reference to unruly pubes in there. And I'm done eating for tonight.

It-sa the natural foliage of my-sa country, ya?

Tila wanders over, and Brandi - who had confessionaled that her strategy is to stir shit up and get the guys eliminated - immediately begins tattling. She claims that Guido said that Tila made out with a lot of the guys, and she's never going to pick a woman. Well, unless that's on the editing room floor, that's a big lie. Wrestler Rob tells us that he thinks Brandi was making up some of the things she accused Guido of saying, and suspects the girls may try to gang up on the guys. Hey Rob - just cuz the girls don't have dicks doesn't mean they can't stick it to ya. As the name-calling ensues, Marcus grabs Tila and pulls her away from the crowd.

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Posted in Tila Tequila by LoLo at 12:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: fire@will on Oct 24, 2007 06:13 PM.