Marcus tells Tila that he's going to give it to her straight, since he's been observing everyone - girls, dudes, transvestites, whatever it is in that group. He begins babbling stupid shit, and Tila looks bored out of her mind, glancing around and trying to get a word in edgewise. Guido comes back over to defend himself, and Marcus gives him a sexual thrill by manhandling him and shoving him into the pool. Undaunted, a dripping wet (which puts wayyy too much emphasis on Little Italy, btw) Guido comes right back, this time bringing the Professor as protection. As the two morons begin yelling, Guido plops down next to Tila and begins cuddling with her like a lapdog, earning back her trust. Well played, little gay man, well played.
Marcus gives the Professor a little shove, and they begin a mock-wrestling tickle fight, practically mounting each other. Seriously, there's not a single punch thrown, they just roll around together. Tila and Guido escape as some poor, underpaid PAs rush in to break it up. The girls laugh and cluck like hens about how inappropriate the tickle fight is, while Rebecca takes advantage of the opportunity to cop a feel on Tila.
I know, they feel totally real, right? I must give you the name of my doctor!
As the madness continues, Rebecca further cements her front-runner status by drawing an upset Tila away to lounge together on a nearby bed. After avoiding puncturing the bed with her practical stilettos, Rebecca wipes away Tila's tears and comforts our sexually confused heroine. Tila seems to really like this girl, and Rebecca does seem to genuinely be interested, so I'm definitely rooting for Rebecca at this point. While the guys stand around scratching themselves and looking confused, a bunch of the other girls join Rebecca and Tila on the bed to offer more support. Tila tells us that it was great the way the girls were looking after each other, but she noticed that Lala had taken off.
Sure enough, Lala is living up to the man-hating lesbian stereotype and refuses to stay now that there are men there, too. She marches out of the house, and Tila runs down the street after her. Tila tries to convince Lala to stay, saying she wanted to go down on, err I mean was down with, her, but Lala insists that she has to go. Tila says goodbye, and checks in with the other girls to make sure they're okay with the boys being around. Lala, meanwhile, makes a less-than-graceful exit.
Next time you want to make a dramatic exit, I suggest flats.
Tila takes Virgin Ashli aside for some one-on-one, worried that Ashli may be even more freaked out by the guys than the other lesbians. Ashli tells us that she's open to being intimate with Tila and turn over her v-card. Does it strike anyone else as weird that this girl is a virgin, just came out of the closet, and promptly went on a reality show? And is now talking about giving it up? I smell opportunist here.
Professor Ashley has finally calmed down, and is hanging out with Tila and Tranny Vanny. The Professor tells Tila he's down with her and her bisexuality, and tells us, "A couple of my girlfriends is lesbians, and they told me later on in the relationship, 'Yo, I'm a lesbian' and I'm like 'All right, that's cool.'' Is dating the Professor the last straw for girls trying to convince themselves they're hetero, or is the Professor so clueless to subtle hints that the only way girls can break up with him is to lie and say they're gay? Discuss. He tells Tila that he thinks she's hotter than Tranny Vanny, and a flattered Tila asks TV if she thinks the Professor is hot. TV quickly and emphatically replies NO, and I totally agree. When my semi-retarded cat can outscore a man on an IQ test, he's not really doing it for me.
Seriously, he could take him. Even drunk.
We get a brief glimpse of an actual mature, sensitive conversation when dancer Alex tells Krystal and Easy Sara that if a girl says she's not interested in men, he respects that and won't try anything with her. The ladies are impressed, with Easy Sara even telling us she wished Alex were gay. Alex is obviously too normal for this show, and I predict he won't last long.
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Comments (8)
LoLo!!! Great recap!! I loathe tila skanktela so much that i wasnt going to watch this show when i first heard about it, but after holding back my gag reflex and watching it and reading your recaps i am in love! Sh has to be the dumbest, skankiest,nastiest, ho i have ever heard of and you capture that in your recap WAY.TO.GO! Marcus was redonk and his laugh? yep my new ringtone:) The lesbians seem pretty sneaky and the guys better wize up, and is it just me or is tila WAY more physical with the women? Is that because she feels less threatened, is more lesbo than straight,or just trying to prove she is bisexual?
When are we going to have the obligatory tila music performance to "promote" her so called career(not the std spreading skank ho one, the one where she thinks she is a musician)
1 of 8 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 20, 2007 3:17 PM
I agree, Tila does seem to be enjoying herself more with the women. She's all touchy feely with them women, but looks bored with the guys. Maybe because the guys aren't that cute?? Marcus is the cutest one to me, but he's an a-hole. How typical.
2 of 8 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 20, 2007 3:52 PM
I'm wondering how old the guy virgin was.
I mean seriously, he was too nervous just to kiss her.
What is that about?
He did "sing" in the first episode, so maybe he really likes guys and was just trying to get exposure.
Marcus was such a douchebag. Grace was definitely a man-hater & ugly, glad to see her gone.
And yes, I'm thinking Tila leans more to the lesbian side than the males. I lost track of how many girls she groped and made out with in the first episode. Maybe it's just a comfort level, I don't know.
3 of 8 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on October 20, 2007 6:44 PM
I am so glad you are recapping this craptastic show, LoLo!
I actually felt a little sorry for the lesbians, they seemed so excited to be on a lesbian "dating" show, and now they have to deal with a bunch of ridiculously overeager dudes.
4 of 8 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on October 21, 2007 9:15 AM
I wasn't planning on watching this show, but I caught a rerun and it's just too trashy to resist. So what is Tila famous for seriously? Is it just the myspace thing? She's got a cute body, but I don't find her face to be all that impressive.
5 of 8 | Posted by dmbislove | Posted on October 22, 2007 10:48 AM
I freaking love your semi-retarded cat.
6 of 8 | Posted by La Suisse | Posted on October 24, 2007 11:21 AM
I freaking love your semi-retarded cat...
7 of 8 | Posted by La Suisse | Posted on October 24, 2007 11:23 AM
Been watching a local California show called "Fires gone wild", but they're showing reruns already...
besides, I had to turn the sound down and hide inside the Murphy Bed every time the cops pounded on the door yelling "evacuate NOW". (They are so over dramatic!)
Thanks for the recap. I needed a laugh and it sounds like I didn't miss anything.
8 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 24, 2007 6:13 PM