So everyone takes their turn straddling Tila, with most of the "massages" being less massage and more dry humping than the last. Exceptions are Butterface Ryan and Lizard Killer, who both seem to give actual massages, and Virgin Ashli, who stands next to the table and gingerly touches Tila with just her fingertips. Hell, even Ross Gellar gave a better massage to that old guy. As they watch everyone go, Pamela Amanda and Professor Ashley don't take it well, and Pamela Amanda even tears up watching the spectacle. Guido's massage in particular is upsetting, as he basically tosses Tila's salad while conversing with her anus. It must be the language barrier.
Ew, lesbians are gross. Ford Models, call me!
As she's announcing her winners, Tila says she chose based on those who were respectful to her body while still making sure that she enjoyed the massage. See, this is why I don't give Tila too much shit. Sure, she's kind of slutty and whorish at times, but she still has self-respect and doesn't reward those who simply treat her like a piece of ass. To be honest, I actually like the girl. I wonder if she wants to be my Myspace friend? She picks Ryan and Lizard Killer to join her in the hot tub. The rest of the group takes the news pretty hard, and Professor Ashley warns us that he loves Tila so much he's willing to take the other guys out, one by one.
In the hot tub, Ryan and Lizard Killer fight for attention, and Lizard Killer kisses Tila for the first time while Ryan pretends not to watch. When Tila surfaces for air, Ryan claims some lip herpes of his own by immediately kissing her himself. Meanwhile, the rest of the contestants sit around the house and comment on the building tension. Hey guys, if you need to get some of that out of your system, there are always those Tila dolls.
Elimination's coming early this episode, for the previews have shown us this one's going to be good. Tonight, Tila's kicking one guy and one girl to the curb. My (unspoiled) predictions are for Professor Ashley and Sara to say goodbye. And whoever's ass that is in the ambulance in the previews. Woo hoo! Ryan's called first, followed by Pamela Amanda, Virgin Ashli (who the Professor mistakes for himself at first), Momma's Boy Michael, Guido, Lizard Killer, Tranny Vanny, and Steven.
Ironic person for Tranny Vanny to stand next to.
At this point, Tila asks the remaining four without keys to step forward - Professor Ashley, Manly Dani, Sara, and Bobby. Throughout the elimination ceremony so far we've seen Ashley looked freaked out, and heard him comment that he has to get a key, but he's scared. Get ready for a nervous breakdown, folks.
Dani is given a key first, after Tila warns her that the fire is getting cold. She then eliminates Sara. Score one for LoLo! Tila announces that this is her last key, as both boys stare at her and try not to rip the damn thing out of her hands. Both of them tell us that they're falling in love with Tila, with Ashley elaborating on that by talking about 2.5 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. Finally, Tila announces that she's keeping Bobby as Professor Ashley begins agitatedly rubbing his jaw and pulling his hair out. Two out of two!
Bobby returns to his seat and Ashley points a finger at Tila and tearfully announces that he's fallen in love with her. He says he has to speak his piece about each contest, starting from the biggest asshole on down. Ashley says Bobby has a real purty mouth but is just a bleepin' frat boy, Steven is a snake in the grass, Guido is a pervert (which upsets Guido and is surprising, because Ashley's always defended Guido in the past), and the girls are collectively confused and screwed up.
Actually, Guido, I'm agreeing with the Professor on that one.
As Ashley's gearing up to tell Ryan he's going to make him squeal like a pig, Bobby begins muttering under his breath about what a wackjob Ashley has turned out to be. Hearing it, Ashley storms over to Bobby, pushing several people out of the way, and grabs Bobby in a headlock. The other guys and production assistants galore rush in to break it up, and hilariously Tranny Vanny jumps into the fray, grabbing Ashley by the face. Honey, I know you're tough, and a transvestite and all, but leave this one to the real boys.
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Comments (3)
I just discovered tvgasm about a month ago and I love it! I don't get to watch very much tv, but my guilty pleasures are the ridiculous mtv shows like the Hills, Tila, and Real World.
I just have to say that LoLo, you are hilarious. I laugh so hard reading your recaps of this show. It makes it so worth it to watch the show just to read your recap!
1 of 3 | Posted by hotteach | Posted on November 3, 2007 7:26 PM
Ashley is an nutcas, obviously. Good thing Tila eliminated him now. Imagine what he would have done if he got cut further along the line? It was surprising for him to attack Guido, since he has been defending him since day one [[ against Marcus & when he exposed
Rebeccagate ]]. The whole thing was really funny and disturbing at the same time.
2 of 3 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on November 4, 2007 12:06 PM
Great recap!
Haven't seen the episode, but Ashley does, indeed, come off as a dangerous nut-case (and a poster child for public school reform).
Hopefully, this brush with fame will be enough for him, and he can abandon his secret quest to be winner of the ultimate reality show - "American's Next Assassin".
Reality. Scary. If I wanted to watch that sort of psychotic violence, I'd go visit my ex.
I kind of like Tila, too, when she reverts to acting like a real person. Mostly, I feel sorry for her (and wish she would just admit she's not into external genitalia).
3 of 3 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 5, 2007 9:20 AM