Two limos pull up at Tila's house, and both sexes pile out cheering as Rob the wrestler tells us that the guys have something in common with the lesbians. Since they bleeped him, it's hard to tell exactly what he said. It started with a P though. I'm going with "politics." I don't know what else that could have been.

The little gay boy doth protest too much, methinks.

They go upstairs to find their rooms, and everyone's wondering how the sleeping arrangement is going to work - coed, single sex, individual? But instead what they find is one gigantic bed for everyone. Michael tells us yet again that he sleeps on his mom's couch, and he's excited because he gets to spoon girls other than his sister in an actual bed. Tranny Vanny tells us she doesn't want to wake up feeling any wood but her own. Rebecca isn't too happy, but she'll deal with it because she's so focused on Tila it doesn't matter. Remember that comment as we continue through this show.

As the gang gets changed into their PJs (read barely-there underwear), a gigantic pillow fight breaks out. It's mostly chaos (oh man, remember that crazy bitch from the premiere?), but we do see Tranny Vanny give Guido an atomic wedgie with his Underoos. Guido bitches about the wedgie, and tells us that he usually sleeps naked but sometimes "it gets too long and goes wherever it wants, so I have to keep it in the cage." Good thing he's wearing his Underoos for the communal sleeping arrangement, because I have a feeling "wherever it wants" would be Professor Ashleys's posterior.

Mamma mia!

Tila walks in and asks how they like the bedroom and Michael shouts that he likes it because he hasn't been in a bed in a while. Dear God, STFU. Tila holds up a bottle and asks if they're ready to play some games. They're going to play Truth or Dare spin the bottle- if the bottle lands on you, you have to pick truth or dare. Tila spins it and it lands on Bobby, who picks dare. Tila dares him to give head to the bottle, which was evidently so raunchy that we couldn't even see it. Butterface Ryan is up next, and he is dared to put on some of the girls' lingerie. He actually looked really good, and seems to enjoy it a tad too much. Guido is dared to turn Brandi on, and this somehow involves him sitting on her face, only wearing his Underoos. He tells us he tried to put his balls on her face, but it didn't really work. Okay ladies of the 'gasm, say "aye" if sweaty balls in your face turns you on. Rebecca dares Professor Ashley to kiss Michael on the lips, and Michael freaks out. But the Professor grabs him violently and plants one on him anyway. Bet you wish you were back on your momma's couch about now, dontcha Michael?

Tila then announces that she has another secret, and everyone groans. In direct opposite of what Guido was thinking, Rob tells us all he could think was "please do not have a penis!" Turns out there's a strip club in the house, complete with poles. Telling us that she knows how to work a pole, Tranny Vanny wastes no time getting up there to show off. But when she tries to execute the fancy moves that get the largest tips shoved down her panties, she falls the fuck off and lands on her head. It's all kinds of hysterical.

Umm, can I have my dollar back?

Tila pulls Rebecca away first for some one-on-one time. They sit down and Tila begins talking while Rebecca strokes her thigh, clearly not listening. After a moment, Rebecca shuts Tila up by kissing her. But the makeout session is interrupted when Guido crawls up the couch on his belly to ask if he can have a kiss. Both girls are disgusted and Tila runs off to get another drink before she can even begin to think about the prospect of kissing Guido. Rebecca bitches to us that Guido's always in the way.

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Posted in Tila Tequila by LoLo at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: sillage3 on Oct 30, 2007 09:03 AM.