Testimonials

Next, the world's busiest club promoter, Steven, grabs Tila and pulls her onto his lap. As he enthralls her with tales of the time he got not 7, but 8 whole people into Rick's Pub n' Grub, Michael walks up to interrupt and prove that he's no longer a momma's boy. Steven leaves to plan his next public-access television spot and Michael takes his place, with Tila on his lap. Tila asks why the hell he lives with his mother, and he claims it's just temporary just like all men who are going to be living with Mom until they're 40. She asks about his car, and he admits that he rides a bicycle. Tila claims that she likes his honesty, and Michael moves in and messily pecks her on the lips like a drunk uncle on Christmas. Hell, she'd probably have more chemistry with her actual uncle.

Now the music gets serious, and Rebecca tells us that she and Brandi had a "little contact." We hear Brandi ask if Rebecca wants to kiss her, and next thing you know, they're making out while Eric and another guy watch. We also see Rebecca playfully wrestling/fighting with the guys, especially Steven. Manly Dani and Virgin Ashli both express disapproval and confusion over Rebecca's actions. Remember she's "solely focused on Tila."

Rule violation!

The group heads upstairs to go to bed, and Virgin Ashli tells us she's never slept in a bed with anyone before, let alone 16 crusty fame-seekers. A bespectacled Tranny Vanny, whose vision must have been blurred when she fell on her head off the stripper pole, tells us it was totally chaotic, figuring out how they were going to sleep in that thing. Krystal yells at everyone to shut up so they can get some sleep before tomorrow's big day with Tila, and they all pass out.

Or so we thought. You know, I felt bad enough for Nicole on Beauty and the Geek when Eyebrows was having sex in the bunk above her, but this is a whole different level of disgusting. Steven and Rebecca, lying next to each other in a bed with 15 other people, began "touching each other" as eyewitness Guido reports to us. And in case we didn't believe it - there's video. I thought Rebecca was just really into Tila, always wanting to touch and kiss her, but now we know she's just a dirty whore. Sorry if that seems judgmental, but you don't jerk a guy off in a bed with 15 other people and then claim you're chaste.

You can pretend to be asleep all you want - the up and down motion tends to be a giveaway.

The next morning, Guido tells us sometimes it's interesting to watch people sleep, especially right before he begins slicing them to death with a machete. The gang begins getting up, complaining about the close quarters and accidentally bumping into other people. Hey, as long as you didn't roll into any suspicious wet spots, I wouldn't be complaining. Michael announces he heard some irregular breathing during the night and motions towards Steven and Rebecca, who both smile guiltily and try to unstick their fingers.

Not at all incriminating.

Pamela Amanda finds a message in a bottle that Tila left for the gang, and tells us that she read it because she's a big reader. Well yes, between the backs of boxes of hair dye, condoms, and various prescription bottles, I'm sure she's picked up some skills over the years. Tila's note asks for everyone to meet her out back, where she's set up a carnival.

Everyone's excited, and Professor Ashley tells us that he always looks forward to the state fair. He then elaborates and informs us that when he was three he used to spray the poop off the elephants because the carnies would get him to do it, and this brings back good memories. What the fuck kind of state fair is West Virginia putting on? Maybe the fact that his students routinely walk into walls isn't just Professor Ashley's fault, but something that should be taken up with the state as a whole instead.

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Posted in Tila Tequila by LoLo at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: sillage3 on Oct 30, 2007 09:03 AM.