A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila is the latest in the D-list reality star dating series, only this one's on MTV and not VH1. Since VH1 had no problem showing girls hurling loogies, defecating on floors, and moaning out orgasms, what the hell could be in this show that made VH1 say, "Oh wow, that's inappropriate for our older, more sophisticated audience, MTV why don't you take this one"? Ah, that's right - lesbian make-out sessions.
Yep, this is a bisexual dating show! The lovely Ms. Tila Tequila, of Myspace, men's magazine and one truly terrible music video fame, can't decide if she likes guys or girls better so she's inviting 16 of each to her home to have sex with her. The twist is the 32 fame whores don't know about her bisexuality, and therefore don't know the other gender will be coming (no pun intended).
So buckle down, keep your prescription medications handy (my poor TiVo is already showing signs of herpes between me making it record this and I Love New York 2), and join me as we watch Tila take A Shot at Love!
Dude, this chick's like a hot lesbian! SCORE!
We begin with the 16 guys arriving by limo and going ape shit as they see Ms. Tila waiting up on a balcony for them, welcoming them to the home MTV rented for her. Lance, a professional clown (seriously), begins scaling the wall as Ashley from West Virginia tells us he's never been with an Asian girl before, but he loves Chinese food. Sorry Ash, but I don't think Asian box tastes the same as Asian food. I don't think anyone wants to taste egg roll down there. Oh, and by the way, Ashley is an elementary school teacher, which explains a lot about everyone I've ever met from West Virginia.
Tila instructs the guys to each grab the plastic key to her heart, and the boys run inside the house to meet her. Michael B., a pizza delivery guy (again, seriously), is suitably impressed with the house, saying it's a step up from his momma's couch. We also meet "Domenico", and I don't know which one is more of a lie - his horrible "Italian" accent, or the fact he's claiming that he's straight.
I-sa like the boobies, ya.
Tila tells us that each of the guys has brought her a present, and she first sits down with Eddie, a singer/dancer whose gift is him trying to advance his career by singing a song he wrote. He uses a rose for a microphone (which I suspect he really believes is a microphone). He's hot and sounds good - keep. He then claims he's a virgin and Tila exclaims that he's lying while she quickly decides if making a virgin notch on her mutilated bedpost is worth enduring some bumpy, 2-minute sex. She then shocks everyone by admitting she's not a virgin.
Ryan, an oil executive, gives Tila an Indian dream catcher and a flashback to 1992. Alex the hip-hop dancer does the worm for her. Rami, a waiter, gives her a ceramic frog and some cheesy line about how he's her Prince Charming. Tila is less than impressed. Michael R., a sexually confused musician, gives her drumsticks and partially blinds her with his puffy, hot pink quilted jacket. Dude, better move would have been to give Tila the jacket, since it's clearly women's clothing. Steven, a club promoter from the hot spot of Dothan, Alabama, gives her a creepy painting he made while in therapy and then jams his tongue down her throat while I cringe.
At the right angle, I can swallow your head.
Lancey the Clown is up. He performs some weak juggling and then basically runs around in circles. I'm not impressed. Not only are you a clown, but you're a shitty clown. He's cute though. Ben, a radio personality (read: traffic reporter), demonstrates tea bagging for Tila. 1. I don't think it's anything she hasn't seen before and 2. He uses an actual tea bag not... something grosser. She forces a laugh. He gone! Eric the bouncer gives her laundry detergent so she can wash his washboard stomach. Tila criticizes him for lack of originality and tells us she's looking for something different.
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Comments (8)
I haven't read this yet, but DEAR LORD i am so happy somebody is recapping it. This is a complete nutfest in the making!!! Lerrrrve it!
1 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:43 AM
LoLo!!! Fabulous as usual!!! This show was such train wreck material, but oh so trashy, I have to watch.
You did a great job recapping the craziness - and I concur with you on all points.
Early bets are that she ends up with a woman. Most of the time with the guys she just looked disgusted, and she already made out with 3 of the girls in the first HOUR of being with them.
Tila is definetly a skank, but she's funny as hell, especially when she called one of the women a butterface. A la Cowhutta: Good God woman!
2 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:59 AM
now, don't tell me that Vida Guerra is gonna have her own show too?
I dunno, i watch the show and it's entertaining......but i think it's a little toooo much. I think Britney Spears should have her 'finding love' show. That would be awesome to watch. At least have someone really interesting.
I swear these shows are going sooo overboard, but they suck you in! dang it!
3 of 8 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on October 11, 2007 12:01 PM
"I wonder what a bronze-star lesbian would be? A girl who pretends at bars to be gay just to get creepy guys to leave her alone? If so, polish my star, and one for all of my friends."
Amen to that...
4 of 8 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on October 11, 2007 1:38 PM
LoLo!!! This is by far the best recap ever!! Can I just say when dani "the firefighter" and steffanie "the photographer" showed up with the women, I was like oops some guys slipped in with the women! Tila is truly truly a disgusting,talentless,skanky,douchebag of spencer-like proportions, but since rock of love is over i need something really craptastic and THIS.IS.IT!!!
5 of 8 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 11, 2007 4:08 PM
Exactly what is this chick famous for?
6 of 8 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:46 AM
Mandymax you made me laugh, cause it is so true! She, get this is famous cause she has over a million+ friends on myspace, which led to her being on the cover of magazines like maim, then penthouse, and she is a "musician" and i use that term very very loosely. She once tried a scam where she asked each of her myspace friends to send her $1 to supposedly put them up in her home as souveneirs, yeah right she got busted hard for that. She is basically paris hilton, but shorter, if possible even skankier, and without a hotel named for her:)
7 of 8 | Posted by lloyddobbler | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:49 PM
This girl certainly set a record alright - for having even less of a reason than nicole richie or paris hilton to be famous. If I have to google you or look you up on wikipedia to find out who the hell you are, you shouldn't be "famous." I hate MySpace.
8 of 8 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 19, 2007 4:28 AM