Speaking of different, our resident Guido gives Tila a plate of spaghetti and gigantic meatballs, and says he's going to be her hot sausage for the night. Tila tells us that she loves it when a guy prepares the food she vomits up! It makes the purging experience more sentimental. Guido feeds her some spaghetti, and they do that kissing scene from Lady and the Tramp, only way less cute. Knowing Guido's not really a threat, a group of guys who witness the kiss are highly amused, especially one tall dude who laughs like a squealing pig. Guido tells us that when she kissed him there was a vibration by his leg, like a third world war. That's his dick screaming in protest that he likes boys and he has no business kissing this chick.
Professor Ashley has used his hard-earned money from retarding West Virginia's youth to buy Tila a cute jewelry set. He proudly tells her he got it from Wal-Mart and it cost a whole $60! This boy is so country. Tila tells us he's sweet and charming, but a little dumb. Meanwhile, Guido asks the guys if they would sleep with another guy for 10 million dollars and they all predictably freak out, saying they don't do that shit in America. Umm, okay. Guido then tells us that the guys are "omophobic" which he defines as when guys are scared of other guys.
Super hot Marcus, a spokesmodel (for what?), gives Tila walkie-talkies. He's also the one who laughs like a squealing pig. She takes her walkie-talkie and beat boxes as he freestyles and if that really was impromptu, it was a hell of a lot better than her music vid... wait a second. Yep, okay, this is the same douchebag Marcus from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. I don't know which is sadder- that he's now on A Shot at Love or that I recognized him. Unfortunately, I think the answer may be B. At least we now know what he is a spokesmodel for: douchebaggery.
Douchebaggery is more than just a skill. It's a way of life.
Marcus tells Tila that Guido was asking about gay sex, and Professor Ashley overhears and promptly tells Guido. Marcus and the Professor wind up in a screaming match, up in each other's faces, as Tila watches gleefully and the guys start placing bets. Tila finally puts it to a stop and lectures them not to let the testosterone get in the way of trying to get in her pants.
No touchey!
Back to the presents. Rob, a wrestler, gives Tila a shirt that says "I Heart Rob." She likes the shirt but then Bobby, a student, interrupts their alone time. Bobby's present comes in a little blue box that every female in America will immediately recognize as Tiffany's. But what those women won't recognize is the piece of velvet-coated cardboard he's got those Claire's Accessories CZs mounted on. Nice try, ass. Tila likes the gift, and tells us that she might be able to be bought (which would be nothing new to her). Greg, a fitness model who resembles Mr. Clean, got her a kama sutra kit, and he uses it to spread oil all over Tila's back while she lays across his lap, in a familiar position for her. He pulls the strap of her dress down and her boob pops out, blurred shot and everything, while the other guys hoot and cheer. She squeals and tells us that Mr. Clean needs to be more of a gentleman, but c'mon Tila, who hasn't seen your boobs already?
What'd you do, buy the box off Ebay?
Pizza Hut's very own Michael B. has clearly borrowed his dad's pastel suit for this engagement. He gives Tila a pillow with a fucking creepy picture of himself glued on it along with the words "Good morning beautiful." It gets worse. On the other side it says "Goodnight sexy" with another picture glued on and the words "I'm a serial killer." She seems to like him until he mentions sleeping on his momma's couch, and after that she cuts and runs. As she's walking away, he tries to nonchalantly say, "Bye, beautiful" and sip his drink, but he winds up drooling down the front of daddy's suit. Go back to asking if people want thin crust or original pan pizza before you hurt yourself, Michael.
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Comments (8)
I haven't read this yet, but DEAR LORD i am so happy somebody is recapping it. This is a complete nutfest in the making!!! Lerrrrve it!
1 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:43 AM
LoLo!!! Fabulous as usual!!! This show was such train wreck material, but oh so trashy, I have to watch.
You did a great job recapping the craziness - and I concur with you on all points.
Early bets are that she ends up with a woman. Most of the time with the guys she just looked disgusted, and she already made out with 3 of the girls in the first HOUR of being with them.
Tila is definetly a skank, but she's funny as hell, especially when she called one of the women a butterface. A la Cowhutta: Good God woman!
2 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:59 AM
now, don't tell me that Vida Guerra is gonna have her own show too?
I dunno, i watch the show and it's entertaining......but i think it's a little toooo much. I think Britney Spears should have her 'finding love' show. That would be awesome to watch. At least have someone really interesting.
I swear these shows are going sooo overboard, but they suck you in! dang it!
3 of 8 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on October 11, 2007 12:01 PM
"I wonder what a bronze-star lesbian would be? A girl who pretends at bars to be gay just to get creepy guys to leave her alone? If so, polish my star, and one for all of my friends."
Amen to that...
4 of 8 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on October 11, 2007 1:38 PM
LoLo!!! This is by far the best recap ever!! Can I just say when dani "the firefighter" and steffanie "the photographer" showed up with the women, I was like oops some guys slipped in with the women! Tila is truly truly a disgusting,talentless,skanky,douchebag of spencer-like proportions, but since rock of love is over i need something really craptastic and THIS.IS.IT!!!
5 of 8 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 11, 2007 4:08 PM
Exactly what is this chick famous for?
6 of 8 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:46 AM
Mandymax you made me laugh, cause it is so true! She, get this is famous cause she has over a million+ friends on myspace, which led to her being on the cover of magazines like maim, then penthouse, and she is a "musician" and i use that term very very loosely. She once tried a scam where she asked each of her myspace friends to send her $1 to supposedly put them up in her home as souveneirs, yeah right she got busted hard for that. She is basically paris hilton, but shorter, if possible even skankier, and without a hotel named for her:)
7 of 8 | Posted by lloyddobbler | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:49 PM
This girl certainly set a record alright - for having even less of a reason than nicole richie or paris hilton to be famous. If I have to google you or look you up on wikipedia to find out who the hell you are, you shouldn't be "famous." I hate MySpace.
8 of 8 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 19, 2007 4:28 AM