Tila then dives in and kisses Vanessa - on the mouth, thank god - right in front of "what's her face" as Tila calls her. Tila kisses and runs again. She's a little bitch, ain't she. She even calls herself a douchebag.
Tila announces they're going to do a runway show so each girl can show her a little bit about her personality and a lot about her body. Cunnilingus Vanessa is a naughty Catholic school girl, skunk-haired Grace (student) is a nurse, Rebecca is wearing an angel outfit stolen straight from the trash outside the latest Victoria's Secret shoot, Brandi (mortgage consultant) is a cat complete with two-toned fur/hair, friends-first Lala is a maid, chatty Chaos is a military girl (and a butterface, according to Tila), crazy Keasha stumbles out shouting "Hey girl heeeeey!" and is dressed as a construction worker, Gold star Ashli is a girl scout (naturally), Pamela Amanda is an S&M chick, no-amount-of-booze-in-the-world-would-make-her-attractive Steffanie (photographer) is wearing a red satin robe and a fedora (?), ignored Ellie is a handyman, unknown Brenda (administrative assistant) is a taxi cab driver (and if that doesn't scream hot I don't know what does), Manly Dani is a firefighter, Scout (personal assistant) is well... it's anybody's guess:
Pregnant?
Scout actually makes an "Orange you glad..." joke, which... wow. Easy Sara has just randomly glued playing cards to all of her body but her nipples, and unknown Krystal (model/student) has massacred the American flag. Tila tells us that collectively, the girls look like the lesbian Village People.
Time for the girls' elimination ceremony. Tila doesn't waste any time cutting the fat, selecting as our designated drivers: Orange you glad it's Scout, ignored Ellie, butterface Chaos, pine tree freshener-scented Brenda, and "Hey girl heeeeeey!" Keasha. Good choices overall but omg she kept Steffanie?? The remaining girls and Tila do a shot together. Gooooo lesbians!
The next day, Tila hosts a pool party to finally let the guys and girls know that she's actually a bisexual. The guys arrive first, and Guido is wearing an Italian flag speedo. Tila tells him that she didn't realize Italy was such a small country. We then get a close up of the nation in question and I'm officially scarred for life. The girls roll up in a convertible, and Tila arranges the guys on the pool deck. The girls walk out and Manly Dani tells us that she thought the guys were maybe a bunch of lifeguards. Skunky Grace thinks the guys are all staring at her like a piece of meat, and at least wrestler Rob is, for he tells us that it's great that there are now enough girls to go around. Pamela Amanda, who is quickly becoming one of my favorites, wants to know what gross dick is doing there. Vanessa optimistically thinks they may all be gay guys and it's just a gay bash, but the good kind.
Finally Tila drops the bomb, and the episode ends as everyone sits around, stunned.
Guido's getting his jaw muscles loosened for later tonight.
So what do you think? Do you like the guys or the girls better? Which gender will Tila choose? Will the lesbians hook up with each other? And is Guido for real?
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Comments (8)
I haven't read this yet, but DEAR LORD i am so happy somebody is recapping it. This is a complete nutfest in the making!!! Lerrrrve it!
1 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:43 AM
LoLo!!! Fabulous as usual!!! This show was such train wreck material, but oh so trashy, I have to watch.
You did a great job recapping the craziness - and I concur with you on all points.
Early bets are that she ends up with a woman. Most of the time with the guys she just looked disgusted, and she already made out with 3 of the girls in the first HOUR of being with them.
Tila is definetly a skank, but she's funny as hell, especially when she called one of the women a butterface. A la Cowhutta: Good God woman!
2 of 8 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on October 11, 2007 11:59 AM
now, don't tell me that Vida Guerra is gonna have her own show too?
I dunno, i watch the show and it's entertaining......but i think it's a little toooo much. I think Britney Spears should have her 'finding love' show. That would be awesome to watch. At least have someone really interesting.
I swear these shows are going sooo overboard, but they suck you in! dang it!
3 of 8 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on October 11, 2007 12:01 PM
"I wonder what a bronze-star lesbian would be? A girl who pretends at bars to be gay just to get creepy guys to leave her alone? If so, polish my star, and one for all of my friends."
Amen to that...
4 of 8 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on October 11, 2007 1:38 PM
LoLo!!! This is by far the best recap ever!! Can I just say when dani "the firefighter" and steffanie "the photographer" showed up with the women, I was like oops some guys slipped in with the women! Tila is truly truly a disgusting,talentless,skanky,douchebag of spencer-like proportions, but since rock of love is over i need something really craptastic and THIS.IS.IT!!!
5 of 8 | Posted by lloyd dobbler | Posted on October 11, 2007 4:08 PM
Exactly what is this chick famous for?
6 of 8 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:46 AM
Mandymax you made me laugh, cause it is so true! She, get this is famous cause she has over a million+ friends on myspace, which led to her being on the cover of magazines like maim, then penthouse, and she is a "musician" and i use that term very very loosely. She once tried a scam where she asked each of her myspace friends to send her $1 to supposedly put them up in her home as souveneirs, yeah right she got busted hard for that. She is basically paris hilton, but shorter, if possible even skankier, and without a hotel named for her:)
7 of 8 | Posted by lloyddobbler | Posted on October 12, 2007 5:49 PM
This girl certainly set a record alright - for having even less of a reason than nicole richie or paris hilton to be famous. If I have to google you or look you up on wikipedia to find out who the hell you are, you shouldn't be "famous." I hate MySpace.
8 of 8 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 19, 2007 4:28 AM