This week on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, Bobby wins our cultural sensitivity prize of the week, Michael now resembles a hairless dog, and Tranny Vanny ups the crazy to fill the practically insurmountable void left by Professor Ashley.
You sucky people are the reason why I'm already casting for Shot at Love 2.
First off, Bobby's totally fine. Boo. Nothing against the kid, but some crutches or a Seeing Eye dog would have been highly entertaining. He tells us that he's kind of glad Professor Ashley went completely insane, for it got him some alone time with Tila.
Butterface Ryan tells us that after last night, everyone was kind of drained, so he took it upon himself to lift everyone's spirits. And this evidently means waking up the girls using air horns. The only thing uplifted in that scenario for me would be Ryan's balls as I kneed him in the groin. Lizard Killer and Tranny Vanny are still in bed and bitch and moan about the noise, and TV says she hates men, and this is why she had the surgery. In the case of Ryan, I agree.
Tila has left a note for the group, as well as bathing suits with sponges stuck all over them. They meet Tila outside, and learn that they will have to give a few filthy Hummers a wash. TV gets really excited until she realizes Tila means the cars. Instead of towels, they will be using their bodies, and the most creative team wins. Momma's Boy Michael is the captain of one team, and Guido's the captain of the other. All the guys are picked first, which makes no sense since the girls have boobs and therefore more surface area, but these people aren't on this show for their intelligence. Or personality. Or clean bill of health.
Shit, Tila, 5 of your 15 minutes are already up, girl. Quick: "accidentally" leak a sex tape.
Tila announces the reward is the winning team goes with her on a spa date, while the losers will stay home and sleep outside tonight. The contest begins, and it's basically 5 minutes of gratuitous shots of everyone straddling and rubbing on Hummers. Pamela Amanda uses her nappy hair, and Guido just stands next to one of the tires and repeatedly humps it. Something tells me this is not the first inanimate object to get this treatment. Ryan is actually licking the dirt off the car, while TV merely lies on the hood, striking poses. Honey, only cute girls are supposed to do that. Michael tells us he's happy with his team, because they're working in perfect synchronicity. His word, not mine. Way to break out the big words, pizza boy. His mom likes to read to him from the thesaurus before tucking him and his sister in on the couch.
Working at the car wash... whoa whoa whoa.
Anybody need a new cabana boy?
Guess that synchronicity paid off, for Tila picks Michael's team as the winners. That means Michael, Ryan, Pamela Amanda, Virgin Ashli, and Bobby are going to the spa, while Guido, TV, LK, Manly Danni, and Steven have to sit at home and then sleep in a tent.
Inside, Bobby's working on getting his ass kicked again (and some more alone time with Tila) by picking a fight with LK and Ashli. Basically, Bobby is criticizing Ashli, saying since she's a virgin she doesn't know yet if she really does like women, and shouldn't waste Tila's time until she's slept with a guy and knows for sure. Needless to say, the lesbians do not appreciate this, and Ashli asks Bobby how he knows he's straight - under his logic, shouldn't he have to sleep with a dude to make sure? At that thought, Bobby chokes back vomit and is all like "whatever", not wanting the fight to take a turn down that path. Game, set, match to the virgin.
Time to go the spa. Pamela Amanda tells us that she wanted the spa date more than anybody, and whether that's true or not, it's clear she definitely needed it more than anybody. Homegirl's looking a little rough. Put on some more makeup before subjecting us to your confessionals, please. Like, the entire stock at Walgreen's.
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Comments (11)
"What kind of busted-ass vagina does Tila have then, because that shit just ain't right."
--- greatest line ever! LoLo - you are more awesome than Guido's bandana!
I had 3 very odd reactions from this episode -
1. I am in love with Manly Dani.
2. I really do think Amanda is more than a foot taller than Tila - kinda perfect - Tila's face comes right up to the vag area!
3. Next week looks like it might be the best "reality" TV moment ever - I rewound my DVR like 5 times during the preview to see TV go psycho on Brandi -
can't wait!
Great recap
1 of 11 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 8, 2007 8:07 AM
This show is so bad it's good! I can't get enough. Whoever cast these people did a really great job. I too am in love with manly Dani. She seems really genuine and cool.
Great recap LoLo! So funny!!!
2 of 11 | Posted by DezPez | Posted on November 8, 2007 8:57 AM
I really thought I would be alone in saying I think Manly Danni is awesome. I seriously think she's really pretty; and much more tolerable than most of the other chicks.
I too am waiting for next week! That is an actual girl-fight with hair pulling and all! I can't wait. I'd give anything if Tranny (and her afro puffs) got the snot beat out of her.
3 of 11 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on November 8, 2007 10:25 AM
I really thought I would be alone in saying I think Manly Danni is awesome. I seriously think she's really pretty; and much more tolerable than most of the other chicks.
I too am waiting for next week! That is an actual girl-fight with hair pulling and all! I can't wait. I'd give anything if Tranny (and her afro puffs) got the snot beat out of her.
4 of 11 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on November 8, 2007 10:27 AM
OMG! that was too funny! Makes you wonder what kind of vaginas she's been looking at or what hers looks like!! Gross!!
Next week looks awesome. I just wonder what tila was saying before TV went at Brandi. It looks like Brandi quickly turned the tables by getting the upper hand in the fight. Looks like she gets some good licks off TV. That's good, Hope her ass (TV) goes home. I am rooting for Danni to win. She seams like the most genuine person there. Can ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY GUIDO IS STILL THERE???
5 of 11 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on November 8, 2007 11:14 AM
Danni is nice and all, but I doubt she will win. Can you really see Tila with her? I just recently started watching this show and am now hooked. I suspect Guido is still there bc the producers will not like Tila get rid of him yet bc he makes for good tv.
6 of 11 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on November 8, 2007 11:32 AM
I've decided tha Guido has totally been planted there by the producers. He keeps getting a key every week? Why??? It's a set up.
I'll deny it later, but all I'm saying is that I'm crushing on Amazon Pamela Amanda. She's seriously like 8 feet tall and I love her.
7 of 11 | Posted by Krizzatch![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on November 8, 2007 1:11 PM
Once again, hilarious recap, Lolo! Your writing is so witty!
I agree that Dani is probably the coolest, but I doubt Tila will choose her in the end.
And yea, Pamela Amanda is TALL.
I kinda felt bad for Ashley. It seemed like Tila really liked her, but I think Ashley was way too sweet and innocent for the show, so for her, being kicked off was a blessing in disguise.
I'm still giggling over the comment you made, Lolo, about Michael having his heart broken before when he realized incest was frowned upon!!!
Keep up the great recaps!
8 of 11 | Posted by hotteach | Posted on November 8, 2007 7:20 PM
Hey guys! Thanks so much for the great comments, they mean a ton to me!
I agree, Dani is totally awesome. I almost hope she doesn't win because she can do so much better than Tila (even though I don't think Tila's that bad). Team Dani!
And Pamela Amanda is freakishly tall -- the way she has to bend over so Tila can give her her key is hilarious. She looks like she's about to eat little Tila. As for Guido, he's definitely a producer plant. I do think Tila genuinely enjoys his company, but because he makes her laugh, not because she has any sexual interest. I think he'll stick around until the final 4, but she'll ultimately make Ryan her final dude. For the girl... right now I'm thinking Dani, but LK could also have that top spot (if she's still alive after the next episode, lol). What do you guys think?
9 of 11 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 9, 2007 12:32 AM
LOL I thought I was the only one in love with Danni. When I saw the first episode I thought "wow, that's a really cute guy" and it turns out it was Dani...err lol Loved the recap. As for the bottom two I think maybe Bobby and Dani.
10 of 11 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 9, 2007 6:30 AM
Good recap, saves me from watching the show.
"[TV] comes outside, squabbles with Bobby briefly, and then asks Bobby if he's sexually frustrated because he wants to fuck her. With another patented "whatever" Bobby walks away. He really needs to work on his comebacks."
Bobby should've told TV he's straight.
11 of 11 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 10, 2007 10:17 AM