At the spa, the girls apply mud masks (or paste for your face, as Pamela Amanda calls it), while the guys get mani-pedis. After pampering the guys for a while, Tila announces it's time for them to get waxed. The ladies file in to watch Ryan get wax ripped off his dick, unlike last week when he got wax dripped on his dick. I have seen enough of Ryan's teeny mister now to last me a lifetime.
If I have to suffer, you have to suffer, dear reader.
Michael is up next, and he not only gets his ass waxed, but agrees to have his balls done, too. It's cute that he's willing to put himself so out there for Tila, but dude have some dignity. Michael screams and whimpers, while the crowd jeers and covers their eyes. Tila exclaims that Michael's balls now look like a vagina. Wait, what? What kind of busted-ass vagina does Tila have then, because that shit just ain't right.
Tila sits down with Bobby for some alone time, and it's horribly awkward. He completely trips over all his words, and makes absolutely no sense. Maybe there are some lasting side effects to Ashley ringing his bell a few times. But Tila thinks it's cute. Ryan's and Pamela Amanda's one-on-ones are uneventful, and Ashli's goes really well. Michael, who is evidently going to a NY Giants game after the spa, continues to seek acceptance and reassurance that she likes him. He tells us that he's starting to have feelings for Tila, but the last time he felt this way about a girl, he was shocked to find out that incest is frowned upon. And he got his heart broken. Foreshadowing, perhaps?
Yeah, that spa day is working wonders for you.
Back at the house, Tila meets with the losers in the backyard for a little campfire. Give me scary stories, s'mores, and sleeping bags any day over getting my public hair ripped out on national television. Or in general. That shit hurts. LK and Tila have some alone time, and we learn LK's sob story - she was in foster care after being taken away from her mom. I don't really care, but Tyra would be eating this up. Tila understands, and LK tells us she's falling in love with Tila. Abandonment issues, anyone?
Guido has alone time next, and while Tila seems to enjoy herself, it's definitely not sexual in nature. Guido tells us that he didn't want to even touch her because girls are gross and they smell down there. And something about not wanting to ruin their connection. He then tells her that besides the tire incident earlier that day, he hasn't masturbated in months, and she claims that she does 9 times per day. That must be a pretty sweet life, to have time for that 9 times per day. She also must have some pretty limber fingers.
TV's next, and Tila tells us that she thinks TV is so sexy. Evidently Tila has a Mickey Mouse fetish then, because TV is totally rocketing the Mouseketeer look. While TV's with Tila, LK begins talking some shit to Steven, that TV's a totally different person with Tila than she is with the rest of the group. Hey, LK - drama doesn't find you, you just like to stir shit up.
Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!
Steven's alone time goes well, and Dani finally gets to kiss Tila during their one-on-one. It's a pretty intense kiss- probably the most intense we've seen Tila with a girl since Rebecca got the boot. Maybe Tila was just confused and thought Dani was a dude. Afterwards, Dani mummers that it was awesome, and then immediately realizes she sounds like a clichéd idiot and begins mocking herself while Tila squeals with laughter. I really wish I could see Tila picking this girl in the end, because Dani rocks. Oh, and the producers play an Indigo Girls song in the background throughout this scene, btw. In case you didn't hear, Dani's a lesbian. I know, I was surprised, too.
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Comments (11)
"What kind of busted-ass vagina does Tila have then, because that shit just ain't right."
--- greatest line ever! LoLo - you are more awesome than Guido's bandana!
I had 3 very odd reactions from this episode -
1. I am in love with Manly Dani.
2. I really do think Amanda is more than a foot taller than Tila - kinda perfect - Tila's face comes right up to the vag area!
3. Next week looks like it might be the best "reality" TV moment ever - I rewound my DVR like 5 times during the preview to see TV go psycho on Brandi -
can't wait!
Great recap
1 of 11 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 8, 2007 8:07 AM
This show is so bad it's good! I can't get enough. Whoever cast these people did a really great job. I too am in love with manly Dani. She seems really genuine and cool.
Great recap LoLo! So funny!!!
2 of 11 | Posted by DezPez | Posted on November 8, 2007 8:57 AM
I really thought I would be alone in saying I think Manly Danni is awesome. I seriously think she's really pretty; and much more tolerable than most of the other chicks.
I too am waiting for next week! That is an actual girl-fight with hair pulling and all! I can't wait. I'd give anything if Tranny (and her afro puffs) got the snot beat out of her.
3 of 11 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on November 8, 2007 10:25 AM
I really thought I would be alone in saying I think Manly Danni is awesome. I seriously think she's really pretty; and much more tolerable than most of the other chicks.
I too am waiting for next week! That is an actual girl-fight with hair pulling and all! I can't wait. I'd give anything if Tranny (and her afro puffs) got the snot beat out of her.
4 of 11 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on November 8, 2007 10:27 AM
OMG! that was too funny! Makes you wonder what kind of vaginas she's been looking at or what hers looks like!! Gross!!
Next week looks awesome. I just wonder what tila was saying before TV went at Brandi. It looks like Brandi quickly turned the tables by getting the upper hand in the fight. Looks like she gets some good licks off TV. That's good, Hope her ass (TV) goes home. I am rooting for Danni to win. She seams like the most genuine person there. Can ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY GUIDO IS STILL THERE???
5 of 11 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on November 8, 2007 11:14 AM
Danni is nice and all, but I doubt she will win. Can you really see Tila with her? I just recently started watching this show and am now hooked. I suspect Guido is still there bc the producers will not like Tila get rid of him yet bc he makes for good tv.
6 of 11 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on November 8, 2007 11:32 AM
I've decided tha Guido has totally been planted there by the producers. He keeps getting a key every week? Why??? It's a set up.
I'll deny it later, but all I'm saying is that I'm crushing on Amazon Pamela Amanda. She's seriously like 8 feet tall and I love her.
7 of 11 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on November 8, 2007 1:11 PM
Once again, hilarious recap, Lolo! Your writing is so witty!
I agree that Dani is probably the coolest, but I doubt Tila will choose her in the end.
And yea, Pamela Amanda is TALL.
I kinda felt bad for Ashley. It seemed like Tila really liked her, but I think Ashley was way too sweet and innocent for the show, so for her, being kicked off was a blessing in disguise.
I'm still giggling over the comment you made, Lolo, about Michael having his heart broken before when he realized incest was frowned upon!!!
Keep up the great recaps!
8 of 11 | Posted by hotteach | Posted on November 8, 2007 7:20 PM
Hey guys! Thanks so much for the great comments, they mean a ton to me!
I agree, Dani is totally awesome. I almost hope she doesn't win because she can do so much better than Tila (even though I don't think Tila's that bad). Team Dani!
And Pamela Amanda is freakishly tall -- the way she has to bend over so Tila can give her her key is hilarious. She looks like she's about to eat little Tila. As for Guido, he's definitely a producer plant. I do think Tila genuinely enjoys his company, but because he makes her laugh, not because she has any sexual interest. I think he'll stick around until the final 4, but she'll ultimately make Ryan her final dude. For the girl... right now I'm thinking Dani, but LK could also have that top spot (if she's still alive after the next episode, lol). What do you guys think?
9 of 11 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 9, 2007 12:32 AM
LOL I thought I was the only one in love with Danni. When I saw the first episode I thought "wow, that's a really cute guy" and it turns out it was Dani...err lol Loved the recap. As for the bottom two I think maybe Bobby and Dani.
10 of 11 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 9, 2007 6:30 AM
Good recap, saves me from watching the show.
"[TV] comes outside, squabbles with Bobby briefly, and then asks Bobby if he's sexually frustrated because he wants to fuck her. With another patented "whatever" Bobby walks away. He really needs to work on his comebacks."
Bobby should've told TV he's straight.
11 of 11 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 10, 2007 10:17 AM