We start off right away with a message from Tila, which talks about exotic tastes and stepping up to the plate. Great. As I said last week, I don't do "exotic" foods. A burrito is as exotic as I will get. The only thing that has kept my best friend and me from trying out for "The Amazing Race" is the food issue - she's a vegetarian and I won't eat anything I can't find at an American fast food restaurant. In other words, we'd be fucked. I'd probably be more down for a necrophilia challenge than a food challenge. Yeah, you read that right. I'm not playing on this food thing.

Needless to say, I'm less than thrilled when the gang heads out and finds a table with decapitated bulls' heads (plus flies) and jars of cockroaches and maggots waiting them. Everyone freaks out, and Tila justifies the challenge as she has to eat a lot of gross things in foreign countries while "traveling for work" and she needs to make sure they can handle that if they're with her. Traveling for work my ass. You don't have to move from your couch to click Accept Friend Request, Tila. The competition will have 2 rounds - in the first round, everyone will compete until the fastest man and woman are determined. Then in the second round, the two finalists will go head-to-head, with the winner getting a champagne bubble bath with Tila. That's a pretty sweet reward, but if I were on this show I'd already be banging on the producers' trailer, screaming I did not sign up for this shit. Fuck the bubble bath.

Professor Ashley returns.

So what's on the menu, you ask? A bull's penis and some testicles. Yummy! Pamela Amanda whines to us about being a vegetarian, but really I don't think the carnivores at the table are exactly raring to go. So they start eating, and everyone - me included - begins gagging immediately while Tila taunts them with sexually suggestive comments. Tranny Vanny says it smelled like formaldehyde and manure, Bobby says it was "no big deal" that he was also eating his puke, and Manly Dani tells us this is definitely the first and last time she'll ever have dick in her mouth. Gross, gross, and hilarious. Love Manly Dani. Guido takes the cake for the TMI award, when he deadpans to us that he usually doesn't eat penis and testicles for lunch - he prefers them for breakfast. All righty then.

Dick is icky!

Okay, seriously guys, I can't do this anymore. Now the producers are adding in crunching sound effects and I'm literally whimpering in misery over here. Let's cut to the chase - Amanda wins for the girls (then promptly vomits) and Bobby wins for the boys. But that's only round 1. Now those two have to face off to determine who gets the champagne bubble bath. And guess what they're eating this time? Eyeballs, hearts, and a shot of blood. Well then, that's totally normal and not really that big of --- what?!? Oh hell no.

So they begin, and Amanda struggles while Bobby seems to be enjoying himself, even picking up the eyeballs and holding them up to his face like a slimy, dead toy. As Amanda gags down the shot of blood, Bobby sticks a fork in one of the eyes and squirts eye juice all over Butterface Ryan. I squeal and rub my arms like it landed on me, and commend Ryan on not beating the crap out of Bobby like I would have. Finally, Bobby is declared the winner and Amanda tells us she's upset that she compromised her morals and stance as a vegetarian for this and didn't even win. You'll be getting no sympathy from me. I would have played that V card immediately to get out of this damn thing.

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Posted in Tila Tequila by LoLo at 6:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: dmbislove on Nov 28, 2007 02:09 PM.