Happy holidays, everyone! For those of you looking to escape the family for a little bit - or stuck working this week - sit back, relax, and enjoy the trainwreck that is the A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: The Reunion!
Buckle your condoms, it's gonna be a bumpy penis.
Our brave host, Ryan, comes out as the cast goes wild, humping each other and screaming crazily. He quickly goes through the introductions. Lance the professional clown makes ridiculous faces and a complete ass out of himself, Amanda's more excited to see herself than anyone is to see her, and Guido receives lots of audience love. A few of the nobody cast members decided to ditch out (Chaos, Scout, and Alex, who is on tour with the Spice Girls and hoping to impress Posh with his worm moves), while Brandi is held backstage to prevent her from clawing out Tranny Vanny's eyes just yet. Bobby, Dani, and Tila are also in the house, but sequestered for the time being.
After a few moments mocking Hey-Girl-Hey (who is disappointingly coherent but has a super cute hair cut), the virgins, and Lala for being too good for a bisexual show, Host Ryan turns to douchebag Marcus and asks him to do his fake, looking for camera time laugh. Marcus complies of course, while Professor Ashley stands up and declares that Marcus sounds like a retarded hyena on crack. An accurate observation, which prompts Marcus to start dancing around and do bad impressions of Ashley. The Professor gets in his face while Marcus spits the same line over and over, like a jammed Chatty Cathy doll. The Professor finally shoves Marcus over a row of seats and onto TV and Amanda, before Butterface Ryan pulls him away. It's possible one of the girls got kicked in the face, but really could you even tell afterwards? The boys then begin a pillow/inflatable doll fight. Such manly men, look what Tila's missing. I'm just thankful that despite his best efforts, Marcus is not getting his own show from this.
If these are the options, then I'm sorry Mr. Ed, but saddle up.
Host Ryan finally regains control, and lets pizza boy Michael make an announcement - he's brought his momma to the show! Mrs. Michael is a sweet little lady who's way too normal to be subjected to this crap, but she gamely answers the host's questions while the skanky bitch next to her plays up to the camera with exaggerated reactions and preening. If you think Michael's so cute, let him sleep on your couch or STFU.
We then get a series of new clips, showing us what the contestants really thought about each other. Bobby says he can't stand the Professor, practically everyone is convinced Michael is gay, Guido believes that Rebecca used to be a dude, and the Professor says virgin Ashli has bad BO and smells like ass. Ryan thinks Dani's about to cross that line from woman to man, and Amanda viciously calls Dani a hypocritical whore, along with other words that get bleeped out. Dani, in turn, thinks Ryan's retarded and self-absorbed. Brandi thinks Steven's a know-it-all, while Amanda calls him podunk. Steven doesn't think too highly of Amanda, either, and says she's fug while Guido and TV (oh the irony) call Amanda a transvestite. Everyone thinks TV's a bitch.
Once the segment ends, virgin Ashli admits that though she may have gotten a funky a few times (oh honey, this is something that you deny, deny, deny... not like I would know...), she definitely did not smell like ass any more than anyone else. Guido interrupts to find out what BO is. Try sniffing your own pits and you'll get the idea. He also invites Rebecca to prove that she's not a man, and while she declines, this leads Host Ryan to calling her and Steven up to find out if Steven can clarify the issue.
Either she's offering her pits for a sniff test or she's halfway through the "YMCA"
Once seated, Rebecca insists it was just back scratching, but Steven comes clean and admits he did something not quite so innocent that left him with a stinky finger in the morning. And he wasn't sticking his hand in Ashli's pits. As the audience goes nuts, Rebecca owns up to it but says she did not return the favor, which is really just bad form. Her elimination the next day was just karma's way of saying don't be a greedy whore.
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Comments (23)
I completely agree about that attention whore... and well regular whore too.. who was sitting next to Pizza Boy's mom. She thought the show was about her!
Great recap and I have enjoyed reading them all season. I look forward to the next show, whatever it may be. :)
1 of 23 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on December 28, 2007 4:29 AM
This has got to be the most annoying reunion I ever tried to watch. I turned it off after 20 minutes. I knew I could just read your recap instead. I guess mtv is trying to make Tila their next star. I just don't get it. Her personality is so grating and she has a severe case of old lady mouth.
2 of 23 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on December 28, 2007 5:56 AM
great recap LoLo! i loved dani throughout the whole show and am kind of glad she didn't get picked. tila is so annoying!
3 of 23 | Posted by jellybean | Posted on December 28, 2007 6:53 AM
this show was really annoying and I almost turned it off myself...right around when ashley and the hyena laughing guy were getting into it...I wanted more never before seen footage. Dani's hair looked like it needed a major cut though. Unless Tila is a really good actress :) then it looked like she was genuinely really excited to see Bobby. In fact it seemed like she was more into him than he was into her...unless she just really wanted to get laid!
4 of 23 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on December 28, 2007 7:21 AM
That last caption was hilarious LoLo!
I really loved the recaps-the show, not so much...
5 of 23 | Posted by amarie_luvsTV | Posted on December 28, 2007 7:55 AM
thanks for the great recaps. I'm in agreement with the posters that don't think Tila is bi. I can't wait for shot at love 2
6 of 23 | Posted by jhaunt | Posted on December 28, 2007 8:44 AM
It is good to know that Tila and Bobbi are still together. Finally someone finds love on a reality show. I thought it was funny when Dani wanted to know why Tila didn't pick her. Tila blew her off bad! O'well, life goes on.
So, what show will you be recapping next? How about "Rock of love 2"? It is premiering in about two weeks. I think...
I would love to see what people think about that show.
7 of 23 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on December 28, 2007 8:57 AM
Thanks for all the recaps! Hope u'll be doing That's Amore! next year b-c god know imma watch that trash too.
Have a Happy New Year!
8 of 23 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on December 28, 2007 10:26 AM
I missed the reunion show (but didn't miss it, if you get my drift). After reading your recap, I don't think I'll bother watching it. You and Dani were what made the show worth watching (or at least less of a waste of time).
I'm not only surprised that Ashley will be ever be back on TV (not, not THAT "TV", although that might be worth watching - but only if you promised to recap it), but that he hadn't been locked up for beating up, stalking or otherwise serial molesting some former girlfriend, wife, student and/or farm animal.
9 of 23 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on December 28, 2007 10:38 AM
The Professor has a guest spot on the spin-off? That's it, I was on the fence before, I'm out ... (but will be back for the recaps!) Oh, of course, I say that now ...
The reunion was rather lack luster, minus Dani's dig at Tila (and Tila did look annoyed, and if she was, well, good!)
I'm so glad someone said something about TV looking so bad in her clothing choices - did she not WATCH any of the shows to know better??
So how long until we hear the end of Tila & Bobby (or has it already passed!?!?)
Please let us know what you're recapping next - loved each & every one! (I also loved everyone comments, thanks for making the show that much better!)
10 of 23 | Posted by chelle | Posted on December 28, 2007 1:13 PM
Hey guys! Thanks for the great comments as always! The reunion was pretty bland -- I guess they used up all the never-before-seen footage on that clip show a few weeks ago. Lame. It was a great ride though overall -- especially because of all of you :)
Next up for me is Top Chef, actually. The amazingly talented Flipit's going to have his hands full with Project Runway, the special winter Big Brother, and/or American Idol, so he passed along the Top Chef honors to me. I'm really excited/nervous and I hope you'll all join me! It doesn't start until the first week of March, so we still have a while. In the meantime, I'll be continuing to recap Gossip Girl when and if it has new episodes, and I'll be helping out with one or two of the American Idol audition episodes. As for That's Amore! it's going to depend on the status of Gossip Girl at that time, and whether the strike is still on. Recapping two shows at once these past few months has been rough at times, and I'll go insane if I try to take on three at once! But I'll definitely keep you guys posted. :) If my schedule doesn't permit me to do That's Amore!, I'm sure we can find another great writer to cover it!
Sillage -- The fabulous Chickbomb will be covering ROL2, and I know she's going to do a great job! And Fire@will -- that image will haunt me for the rest of my days.
Have a safe, drunktastic new years, everyone!
LoLo
11 of 23 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on December 28, 2007 5:12 PM
Ugh I hated this reunion, everyone was so fake and I thought that Ryan was getting in the middle of every argument just to get some more camera time for his ugly mug. I agree with Yankeesfan that it seemed like Tila was more into Bobby than he was into her, that would be hilarious. I kinda felt bad for Dani when she said that Tila didn't love her and I remember thinking "Awkward!" Anyways, great recaps LoLo, always entertaining :)
12 of 23 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on December 28, 2007 6:59 PM
Thanks for all the great recaps, LoLo. I enjoyed every trashtastic minute of this show, and I can't wait for That's Amore.
I'm excited you will be recapping Top Chef. You are really moving up in the reality tv ranks. Mission Man Band to A Shot At Love to Top Chef. Nice progression!
13 of 23 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on December 28, 2007 8:06 PM
I never really understand why people join these shows. Who goes on teevee to get dates? Attention whores? Sluts? All of the above? Gues someone has to, or we wouldn't have shows. D8
14 of 23 | Posted by trey | Posted on December 28, 2007 8:31 PM
I've really enjoyed reading your recaps LoLo.... I was happy to hear Guido was getting his own show. I thought it would be cute... then they bring Ashley into the mix and now I'm not so thrilled....
Great to hear you got Top Chef and I will be a faithful reader. Hope it's a good season!
15 of 23 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on December 29, 2007 3:30 AM
Happy New Year LoLo! Loved ur recaps.
16 of 23 | Posted by Nads | Posted on December 30, 2007 12:44 AM
Nice job @ recapping this train wreck.
It was really hard for me to actually watch the show, so your recaps were a Godsend.
Amanda, STFU.
Krystal (or Crystal) used this show as a way to educate her family about lesbians? Wow. She must hate women.
Tila's a real butter-face.
17 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 30, 2007 2:47 PM
Also, I'm looking at the reunion show now and that chick in the audience who thinks she's a lost cast member IS annoying.
One of the show's producers should've seated TV next to her. :)
18 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 30, 2007 2:51 PM
Wait, so are they in a relationship? I read somewhere that Tila was already in an rship. I'm a pretty good body language detective and Tila is waaaay more into Bobby than he is into her. Or maybe he's just a private person (who came on TV to find "love")...
Tila's personality grates. That's one more reason not to be at home on New Year's.
19 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 30, 2007 2:57 PM
so I was watching parts of the reunion again yesterday and realized I forgot to comment on Bobbi's tan! WTF! Why do all of the reality show contestants think they need to come to the reunion show with a tan?! He's from upstate NY, I highly doubt that is au natural!
20 of 23 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on December 31, 2007 6:44 AM
Quick notes: 1. The Team Brandi/Team Vanny shirts in the audience. Seriously? It was big enough a rivalry to have fans on both sides with T-shirts ready? Really? 2. Steven's reasoning for giving a **** massage has become a new running joke with MissNomad. It was something like "I was just being a gentleman." 3. **** massage. Haven't heard that phrase, and it's hilarious. 4. Tila's explanation to Dani boiled down to "you're too adult/classy for me." I don't mind it, because it's true. I would watch a Dani spinoff. 5. Tila and Bobby make me sick, but not in the "they're so cute they're sickening" way. It's just kind of.... I feel like I'm watching something I shouldn't.
21 of 23 | Posted by MidwestNomad | Posted on December 31, 2007 11:40 AM
well according to the new years thing, tila and bobby are "broken up". and he "couldnt deal with her busy schedule".
so yeah, shot at love 2.....
22 of 23 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on January 1, 2008 6:55 AM
Hey, I just read this on some web site..
During MTV’s live New Year’s Eve programming, Tequila said that Banhart had broken up with her because of her hectic work schedule.
“He couldn’t handle it,” she said. “He broke up with me.”
However, Banhart said in a Dec. 30 message posted on MySpace that “she never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.”
I think this show was a fake the whole time. Now a part two airing this spring?
23 of 23 | Posted by sillage3 | Posted on January 3, 2008 10:12 AM