This week on Top Chef, the chefs compete in two all-time favorite challenges while both old (Twitch v. Richard, Fleasa v. soap) and new (Dale v. Evangelass) rivalries emerge.
"I only married you for your money!"
"I know. And once those start to sag, I'm trading you in for a younger model."
We open the morning after Mutton's elimination with the Douche Twins mourning the loss of their bubble bath buddy. Hey, if there's an opening guys, I'm sure Richard will throw his name in for consideration. Rad hairstylin' tips AND mediocre television-character impressions? What more could you want? We're down to the final 8 out of 16 chefs, and the women are pumped that it's an even-gender split for once. I'm all for girl-power, but in looking at the remaining chefs, I'm hoping this week ends with the men having the numbers advantage because either Nikki or Fleasa have. to. go. home.
Everyone arrives at the kitchens for the Quick Fire, and instead of a guest judge we see Scar with Daddy Tom. More Daddy Tom is always a good thing in my book! Scar announces that QF winners will no longer receive immunity, and that this week the chefs will be completing two all-time favorite challenges. The chefs are forced to draw knives and divide into two teams -- forks (Yoda, Richard, Twitch, and Antonia) and spoons (Dale, Evangelass, Fleasa, and Nikki). Looking around, Dale echos my thoughts by noting his team doesn't have the strongest people on it, although he does optimistically call them capable. That's more credit than I'd give them. I think the most credit I'd give Nikki is to heat me up a Lean Cuisine, and it's still possible she'd burn my place down.
"Yeah, the oil from my hair started to drip into my food... so what? Why shower when you've got this bitchin' bandana?"
Once the teams are sorted, Scar reveals the details of the QF -- they're doing the mise en place relay race! Yes, I love this shit! Yoda reminds us of how awesome this was last year, when Hung violently dismembered a chicken without breaking a sweat and Bunny Foo Foo chopped an onion more delicately than doctors cut an umbilical cord. Daddy Tom steps up to explain the tasks -- 1) peel and supreme (take the flesh out of the interior membrane) five oranges, 2) peel and turn two artichokes, 3) clean a gigantic, nasty monkfish into two filets, and finally 4) make one quart (ugh) of mayonnaise. DT promises that even though immunity's not available, the winning team will get a useful advantage, and then gives the teams two minutes to strategize.
On Team Forks, Antonia orders that Yoda do the mayonnaise since Yoda evidently makes it by the bucketful in her spare time. Poor Yoda -- between that and Gail's comment last week about her never being at home, no one thinks this girl has any life. Although her Star Wars obsession isn't doing herself any favors on that front. I will say though that it's a good idea to keep Yoda away from any of the knife-related tasks, given her history of shaky hands during QFs. I really don't need to see anyone sever a finger. As for the other teammates, Antonia takes the oranges, Twitch takes the artichokes, and Richard will be handling the monkfish. On Team Spoons, Nikki's having a mini-meltdown over the thought of making mayonnaise without a food processor, while Dale bugs out his eyes and gives someone off-camera the "are you fucking kidding me?!" face. I'm already cracking up when in the confessional Dale shakes his head in disgust over Nikki's stupidity and rhetorically demands "Why are you still here?!" LOL thank you! That is my quote of the season thus far. Oh man, I love Dale. Well, despite her fears, Nikki gets stuck with the mayo while Fleasa takes the oranges, Evangelass takes the artichokes, and Dale will be squaring off against Richard and the monkfish.
« Viva Hollywood: Introducing The Psycho Bimbo Stalker From Hell |