Thanks DearCrabby for another awesome recap. I could not believe half the stuff that was coming out of that poor girl's parents mouths. My jaw actually hit the floor. Down syndrome, shaking her rump. Hello, just cause you think it doesn't mean you have to say it. I also want to throw an egg. Right in her fat mouth. Hopefully she wins lots of pagents cause she is going to need lots of therapy. Oh, and by the way, Icemaker, I don't care how tall he is. Just make him - not live with his mommy, not have more than two baby mamas, and have an actual J O B with a P A Y check.

Hey Crabby - why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel about Christi? LOL! Excellent recap...the show on its own is entertaining, in a disturbing way. But, you really make watching this show 110% better! (wink wink)

First of all, a question about bitchy/crazy/fatass/skanky Mom: how do those studs stay in her face? Is there a fish-hook type barb on the back? And if so, how do you get them out once they’re in? Inquiring minds want to know!

Also: FOUR DAYS of pageant hell??

SO much funny in this recap, but these screencaps:
"Whatever that feeling is, it's not thinning."
and
"Look! The cupcake table is waiting for us when you're done! HURRY!"
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Miranda was a cutie and her family seemed awesome! The other two: not so much. Jordyn’s parents should maybe give her to family that would actually LIKE her! (Possibly to the same people who get AshLynne Sterling… AshLynne and Jordyn can go through pageant rehab together.)

THANK YOU for recapping this train wreck! I don’t have, want or even like kids, but this show is just mesmerizing. And your recaps make me feel better about being hooked! You are AWESOME!

DearCrabby,

Just when you think they can't get worse than Jamie Sterling, along comes Christi the giant child eater.

There are so many things wrong, but my wish for Jordyn is just two things.

First, better parents who love her and don't dress her like a skank and don't feel the need to ever stretch her butt or make her do pageants.

Second, Jordyn should have a name spelled without a "y". What is up with the random and unnecessary consonant changes? If she didn't know how to spell Jordan, she could have asked someone. No wonder kids can't spell anymore. When Chris is spelled Czhrii's they don't have a chance.

Great recap Crabby, and don't worry if all recappers go to Hell together, we'll have one hell of a good time!!!!

TVannie

Another great recap, DearCrabby!!! I don't watch this show, but your recaps almost make me want to tune in.

Don't worry about being in hell alone...I will keep you company!

We can both wear huge, sparkly tiaras and pink, fur-trimmed capes as we laugh and point fingers at all of the stupid pagent parents who will be there for being such a-holes toward their kid.

Again DearCrabby, you rock!!!

long time reader...first time poster

first of all, LOVE the snark for this show... it's soooooooo deserving.

But also, as much as it turns my stomach to say it....I gotta say thanks to this trainwreck for focusing on a child with allopecia. My son has allopecia and it's so hard for people to understand that he's not a "cancer kid" because of the bald look. It's easier for a boy than a girl, but by no means does it look like just a shaved head. We're talking smoother than a baby's butt, no eyelashes, no eyebrows, no hair anywhere. If you'll notice, adorable Miranda has little to no eyebrows & eyelashes.

Allopecia has No cure and other than being labeled as a genetic "glitch", no cause. It causes the body to think that hair is "bad" and the body's defense system attacks the hair to kill it. Less than 1% of the population is affected by Allopecia, but 85% of those affected are children & teens. The only treatment is steriods... causing the hair to grow back in one spot, but it still falls out in others. The hair may regrown and never fall out again, it may regrow and fall out over and over, it may never regrow...there is no way to guess which you'll get when it happens. My son is on his 3rd "regrowth" but by now we know it will all fall out again.

I was thrilled to see Miranda because these are just normal, every day kids...they just happen to have no hair. They aren't sick, they don't have cancer, they just don't have hair. I'm glad Miranda's parents have made her feel "normal" and that she is so comfortable with herself... that's such a huge part of being able to deal with having allopecia. The more confident the kids are, the less of an issue acceptance & making friends is.

I never thought I'd be proud of something from this show, but there it is.

*stepping off my soap box*

Now someone hook up Christi with Jamie Sterling and tape that trainwreck for us. Have them "train" the Rock of Love ho's for paegants....I'd tune in for the smackdown.

Someone should tell Christi that Jordyn is a child and needs sleep at night and during the day because she is growing up, not out like you, she is growing up. She also needs food including snacks and drinks so she stays healthy.

I swear we could call Child Services on this chick because she doesn't even recognize the basic needs of her little girl. It's real easy Christi, when it comes to Jordyn mesh outfits NO, snacks and naptime YES. Got it?

At least the little Sterling girl has a halfway decent dad. And, Anne M, I think that bitch Christi eats all of the food, so there is none left for little Jordyn. You'd think it might have occurred to her or her husband that nonstop practicing, no sleep, and no food is not producing a winner...but I guess they're not exactly geniuses or they'd have her in a more productive activity than pageants.

As for the alopecia,steff, I wouldn't necessarily give up on the steroids working. My brother has had nasal polyps removed surgically any number of times, only to have them grow back, but this last time (which was probably about the 8th time), they didn't! The immune system is a mysterious thing, so some day it might just give up and let some hair grow.

Dear Pixielated,

You're right Christi does eat all the food at that house. It's so obvious that the person who wants to be in a pageant is Christi. She prances around showing Jodyn her routines and you can just see it in her face, she wants to be the pageant girl.

I hope you're right about steroids and I hope they work for Miranda and your brother. I have a feeling that Miranda is going to be fine anyway, she's got loving parents. Good thing Jordyn didn't have alopecia, Christi would probably trade her in for a different child.

WTF????? Scar face?? In the same room as your child tossing balls? Over the mantle as the center piece of decorating? With a guy in a bath tub?

The scarface picture in the living room? Next to a picture of grandma?????

First of all, scar face is not a real ganster movie. Real gangsters are not like that. Its all made up. Real italians go crazy when people think that the mob is like scar face. The only people that like scar face are little wanna be thugs and poser groups that aspire to be organized criminals. The big problem with this is, they use the movie as a guide. Real mob life isn't like the movie at all. It is not a good guide at all. How do I know? I live in Leavenworth and there are plenty of those folks around here... both types, the real ( on parole and in the medium security) and the imitation ( usually not on parole and in higher security) Scarface is a piss poor example of mob life, but good for people that have no business aspiring to that and too stupid to figure out how the business works. anyway.........

So scarface is low brow and to have it in your living room, with a man in a bath tub, around your child..this is just wrong on so many levels...now we know what kind of people these folks really are...

and to make it worse, they have this picture on TV, like they admit they actually think its cool. See what happens when people that decorate via spencers gifts breed? If you want to be a gansta, for gods sake, don't do pageants, and stop rolling your daughter out like she isn't made.

LOVED Miranda and I too think this is one of those cases in which it does probably help her confidence and self esteem. I think mostly cuz she WANTS to do it. I feel bad for that little girl being pushed by her parents. As always I love the recap though- they make work much more enjoyable!

Creepy Dads, stripper garb and prostitots -- good times.

Have you ever seen a more psychopathic set of nit pickers in your life? All I could see was that this little Jordyn was a disappointment to her parents the minute she emerged from the womb. The girl wasn't even a brat compared to some of the bad seeds that have been on this program. Hopefully, as with Jamie Sterling , Christie and Charlie will take a good look at how they treat this child. How is she finding one speck of enjoyment in these pageants? If we can find one redeeming quality to this show, other than providing good laughs and yelling at the TV, it's that it should make us all look at they way we treat eachother-especially our children