Hello Gasmii and welcome back to this season's premiere of Ugly Betty! When we last left Betty, she had been promoted to features editor over Marc with a flipped coin, Wilhelmina is on the outs with Claire and Cal, Wilhelmina hired a bounty hunter to bring back Connor "dead or alive," Betty kissed Henry, Matt became Betty's vengeful boss, Daniel was married, widowed, and winner of the year's best fashion magazine featuring his dead wife (all within about 36 hours), and Hilda continued not to work. Oh, and someone scared Wilhelmina so badly she actually broke what I can only imagine is Baccarat crystal. Who could it be...Naomi Campbell?
Screw the shark, those cut-off
denim shorts are the true tragedy!
We open this episode with 2001: A Space Odd-yssey of shapes and colors. Is someone a chromosome? Wait a minute...is Betty at the gyno? Or the orthodontist? Or both! She's getting her braces off! She looks in the mirror and screams. Oh, just a dream. She says her teeth looked like gnarly monster teeth, "Like someone from the deep back woods of England." Or London.
I think you're doing the pap smear incorrectly, doctor.
Papi says she's just nervous because it's her first day as a features editor, which in Bettyland time means it's either a day later or a month later, who can ever tell with this show. Congrats to Hilda for losing the baby bump...via giving birth in real life. Good for you, sister.
Justin comes downstairs and is all decked out for his first day of high school in his hot pink Gucci shirt. Good luck with that. Speaking of new clothes, Christina sent Betty something (and we all know how stylish she was) for her first day. She opens it and it's an elderly woman's pantsuit from 1984. Well, it's the thought that counts, and this adds up to zero. Hilda takes a first-day picture of Justin and Betty so we can all remember how happy they were before their dreams were crushed by reality.
You know the two surviving Golden Girls
are totally fighting over this.
Flash over to Suzuki St. Pierre - oh, how we've missed ye - talking about how Wilhelmina Slater is on the outs with Cal and Claire. He also mentions how "hottie widower" Daniel is in Tibet spreading his late wife's ashes. "A moment of silence for Molly," Suzuki uncharacteristically says. They show a stopwatch which is fast-forwarded 60 seconds. "Moment over!" I couldn't agree with you more, Suzuki.
This OJ is ORGASMIC!
Wilhelmina is in her kitchen watching this show when she turns around, jumps, and says, "You have got to stop doing that. I only have so much glassware." Who the hell is it? The doorbell rings and she tells the person to hide. Marc has brought over her dry cleaning but in reality he really wants to see what's going on. Trying to use her bathroom before she throws him out, he hears someone make a noise.
"What was that?" he asks. "Housekeeping." He says he thought they had Willie's housekeeper deported - ha! Being shoved out the door, he tells Willie he's worried about her future at the magazine, especially since it's tied to his. Turns out Claire and Cal want to meet with Willie that evening...hopefully to fire her sorry ass! Actually, that would be stupid, she's good at her job and there would be less back-stabbing and intrigue if they would just let her.
Do I smell orgasmic OJ?
Back at the office, Betty is in front of the building brushing aside her bangs and trying to convince herself she's an attractive, vibrant, smart, yeti. Or associate features editor. Good luck with that.
Over at high school musical, Justin shows up looking gayer than ever with white keds, bracelets, and his pink shirt. Good luck with that.
Betty is being shown around the office like she's brand new. She gets a corporate credit card with a $100 limit for lunch. Jesus, my company gives their traveling executives $25/day per diem and not because of the economy either, it's always been that way. Also, Betty is told that if she's here late she has access to the Meade town cars. Uh, I think I know why Meade went broke. Oh, she can use the gym and steam room. Again, great fiscal planning.
Justin is standing at his locker totally being laughed at. This will not end well.
The HR person tells Betty she remembers checking her in three years ago when she first started, and she didn't think she'd last a month. "Congratulations," she says.
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