***Please welcome back PopPrincess with a show you've been requesting, Tool Academy! She was just assigned, so give her time to catch up!
Soooo, my first show about douchey boys ends, then FlipIt asks me to take on Tool Academy, another show about douchey guys. Either Flippy hates me (but why?) or I am still cursed with attracting the tooliest tools in the shed. The curse was passed down to me from my mom and followed me throughout college. I thought I kicked it when I married a nice guy, but apparently that just made the universe pissy. So, as FlipIt as my witness, I give in and will commit to becoming an expert in the ways of The Male Douche.
We're entering this game one episode late, so let me catch you up quickly. The premise of this show is that 9 guys who think they are competing for the title of Mr. Awesome, the biggest alpha male of them all. Really, their chickies have nominated them as the Worst Boyfriends Ever and entered them in the Tool Academy. In the Academy, they will compete on a various challenges to learn foreign concepts like "humility" and "trust."
As each Tool is eliminated, their girlfriend will have the option to kick their ass to the curb or to ride off in the sunset with them.
At the end, only one Tool will remain and he will be awarded $100,000 and the actual title of Mr. Awesome. We're starting with episode 2, and all you really need to know is that one guy was such a d-bag that he couldn't survive past the first week. You are now officially caught up.
We open the show with the guys sitting around, talking trash about their ladies. Ahhh, a gentleman's favorite past-time. Josh, the Tiny Tool, takes time to diss his girlfriend's weight, who is not so tiny. He's obviously performing for the guys to get some attention, but damn. You know she's going to watch the show and kick you square in the nuts when she sees this segment!
The conversation then turns to MatsuFlex and his girlfriend, Jenna, who won't sleep with him.
First, yes, there is a guy named MatsuFlex, and no, his parents aren't that cruel, its just what he calls his stupid alter-ego. You know, it really sticks in my craw when people, especially those on reality shows, give themselves an alter-ego that they can blame their douchiness on.
Anyways, MastuFlex's lady friend won't have sex with him and not because he calls himself MatsuFlex, it's because the last 3 dudes she's banged have all been black dudes.
MEGA interviews that his shoe size is like a 12-13, and Matsu's is a 9.5, so "you do the math." Sorry, partner, don't see any math equations in that sentence. I guess "you draw the proper parallels" doesn't have the same ring to it.
Therapy time! All of our tools and tool-lovers head over to therapy room, where we learn of this week's challenge, titled "Fidelity." Our tools look uneasy at the mere utterance of the word, so you know this will be good.
Our therapist's (or, "The Rapist" if you watch SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy) name is, oh, who cares. She has a British accent so I immediately find her credible.
Matsu and Jenna are up first, and surprise, he fails miserably. He strips down to his man panties and she grabs his ass. Umm, I wonder why she doesn't want to sleep with you again? Jenna starts to break up wondering when "it's ever going to end." Probably in 30 seconds if you decide to give it up after making him wait so long. Matsu admits he has toolish characteristics, and I say we knew that as soon as you started an alter-ego for yourself and named it MatsuFlex.
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Comments (10)
Great Recap,
Can I just say that I think the phrase "man panties" is just wrong? No one loves that guys body more than he does, no one.
And what is wrong with Bro's hair? Is it brown or blonde? is it long or short? He has the hair of a man sorry, of a tool that can't make a decision.
What a bunch of losers. I hope the rest of the women will not leave with their tools.
1 of 10 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on January 28, 2009 8:17 PM
That judo couple look like Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots to me.
Why does he keep calling her 'dude'? Is that like, some secret wish fulfillment thing?
I also think the psychologist is Mickey Dolenz's kid sister and is faking that British accent.
Man panties? Jeez. Can't wait 'til this guy comes out.
Hilarious recap Princeess!
2 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 29, 2009 1:22 AM
I only caught this show for a few mins so can't match up names with faces, but Mr 2 (longtime!) Gfs should automatically get kicked off
for being the biggest tool of all. How did he manage to get out-tooled? Did he get cool tool pts for not being afraid of commitment?
Anyway, funny recap PP. Glad ur doing this show.
3 of 10 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on January 29, 2009 2:55 AM
Round here we call them "manties". I can't match names with tools either. How did that one big tool get a black eye?
4 of 10 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 29, 2009 3:31 AM
Round here we call those "man-ties". I can't distinguish one tool from the other either, why does that big tool have a black eye?
5 of 10 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 29, 2009 3:38 AM
Sorry for the double post, it said there was a submission error...whatever, sorry :)
6 of 10 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 29, 2009 3:41 AM
Wow, PopPrincess, we started watching this show on the same episode, it must be Kizmet! I read the first ep recap on VH-1, and that big guy (Tommy) got hurt when the guys were playing drunken football in the backyard. As you do. This is also my first season of watching ROL-Tour Bus of Skank, so this is fun! Thanks for the recap, I find this show hilarious!
7 of 10 | Posted by Valmommyt | Posted on January 29, 2009 5:08 AM
This is SUCH a great show I'm so glad it's being recapped here :) Thanks for the recap!!!!
8 of 10 | Posted by dimples24 | Posted on January 29, 2009 5:58 AM
Not that this is the least bit important, but wouldn't it be more accurate to say you would have the "ankles by the ears" than the "ears by the ankles"?
9 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 29, 2009 10:35 AM
Great job, PopPrincess! I saw the first episode and it was kind of fun to see Tiny Tool (I also think of him as Jack Sprat) get smacked full on in the face by his GF. The first guy kicked out was somehow able to convince his doormat girlfriend to leave with him, too. I really have no sympathy for people who keep running back to these dickheads when literally ALL of their actions say "I hate you and would never respect you in a zillion years... but by the way, blow me, willya?" Some people are addicted to drama, though. Loved the recap!
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 30, 2009 9:21 AM